tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-88382379248828366732024-02-07T16:14:04.231-08:00The Mothafu**in PrincessMothafuckin Prinesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12086490697840303647noreply@blogger.comBlogger30125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8838237924882836673.post-67986554590243584762012-08-02T09:44:00.000-07:002012-08-02T10:41:57.506-07:00Men are idiots and women are clueless and together we repopulate the world! Scary!Why am I single? Becaause I hate dating, I am rubbish at it. I hate one-on-one time with people Im not totally comfortable with. I would rather just spend time with people that Im garenteed to have a good time with rather than taking the chance of spending one-on-one time with someone new.<br />
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I have also built up some pretty tall walls and Im not someone who lets people in easily. If someone tries to kiss me I pull away. I know I give confusing signals and I have been told Im an emotional retard. Dating makes me self concious. Im normally fairly confiident but when it comes to dating I realise that I hate the way I look and every other girl seems to be a size eight super model with glossy hair and pouty lips. I realise Im 33 and I look 33...I hate this. I never meet men let alone potential boyfriends. I used to meet men so whats changed? Maybe its because I spend most of my time in gay clubs or maybe its because im fat. I know im far from perfect but I would like to think im funny, outgoing, compasionate and caring so is it because im fat? I guess I hope its true because its something I can fix. I need to reach my goal weight. I will look better which will make me feel better and that will translate in my body language. On the other hand I want to meet someone that will love me for the good, the bad - fat or skinny.<br />
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Nowadays everyone seems to meet people through internet dating sites. I hate internet dating but from time to time I give it ago. Internert dating is like ordering from a catalogue (something else I dislike). You like the way it looks and the discription makes the item look more attractive. When the item arrives you you realise the item looks nothing like it did in the catalogue. It works for some people but I want the natural spark that you get when you meet by coincidence. There is something romantic about a chance encounter. I also let silly things put me off, things like; lagauge short cuts, emotiocons and LOL's. <br />
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Should I let something as silly as an emoticon or a LOL put me off? I personally dont often LOL, if i find something funny I prefer a haha because most of the time Im laughing silently in my head and LSIMH wouldnt work the same as LOL. I do use it now and then and I dont mind people using the odd LOL but save it for when you are actually LAUGHING.OUT.LOUD! Excessive LOL'ingespecially a lololol is what I dislike. What you are actually saying is laugh-out-loud-out-loud-out-loud. Er, is ther an echo? I dont get it. What about LMAO? Your arse did not fall off. Liar! I dont mind a cheeky wink ;) infact I like a cheeky wink or smile :) but anything more than that? Leave.It.Alone.Boys!!<br />
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Plenty of fish? Should be called plenty of freaks! Yes there are plenty of fish in the sea but there are also lots of sharks and toxic waste. I find it amusing when "hotlad69" discribes his first date as a nice meal and a glass of wine? something about his username and dinner date doesnt add up! Im sure there are plenty of girls that are just as bad whoring themselves about for a free meal or drinks (I would never let someone paay for me on a first date). I moan about it yet I still log on. <br />
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But dont let me put you off. It does work for lots of people. Sign up today and let the dream begin :)Mothafuckin Prinesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12086490697840303647noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8838237924882836673.post-59267715602037495752012-06-28T05:57:00.004-07:002012-07-12T08:48:31.172-07:00You can't be old and wise if you was never young and crazyIts been a LONG time since I updated. Infact its been a year and a half so I'll have a quick recap on 2011;
Last year was what me and my friend Nick called "The summer of love". Nick was my best mate and we had alot of fun and made alot of memories. Nick was not my boyfriend but we had a very intense friendship which caused as many tears as it did happy times. To cut a very long story short Nick is and always be one of my best friends. I'll always be there for him...ALWAYS! Friends come and friends go but the ones you truely care about are always in your heart (even when they dont deserve it). Im not going to say anything negative about him but I guess there wil always be unresolved issues. I have alot of friends but there are few people that I let get close so when friendships fail I become haunted by failed friendships. We had a fantastic year and everything we said we wamnted to do...we did. There was the Isle of Wight festival, Global Gathering, V festival, KOL at Hyde Park, Rod Stewart at Hyde park, a holiday to Norfolk and lots of days in the sun. I will never regret being Nicks friend but an intense friendship between two flawed people is never going to end well. I have also met some amazing people through Nick and I have alot of great memories from 2011. We are still in contact but nowadays we are more like strangers that no each other very well.
2011 was also about my therapy. Do I think it helped? Absolutely! It gives a diffrent perspective and this can be useful. I have alot of good friends but I am not good at letting people help me. I never have been.
My therapy started at CBT (cognitive behaviour therapy) and it ended up as Interpersonal Behaviour Therapy. Im not magically cured but it really has helped and even the action of taking action helps! Its the first step to getting unstuck. You sit in a chair and you talk and anyone who knows me knows that I can talk and boy do I talk! Talk therapy helps you understand and master your problems. The therapist doesnt give you the answers to your problems but will educate you. They advise you to establish routine, learn to identify symptoms, they advise you to sleep and avoid alcohol. its difficut because you have to make rules and stick to them and im not always good with rules.This is because of my inner adolecent and my immaturity. I want to grow up, i really do but I get bored.
Most people with bipolar have a secondary illness and my issue is with food. I still dont feel comftable talking about this but this is what my therapist spent alot of time focusing on. Im not going into details of thier diognosis but Ill tell you this... I honestly believe food is more addictive than cocaine. This is actually a fact! The brain reacts to food in the same way that it does to drugs. In terms of what it does to your neurons and neurotransmitter it could be considered worse than drugs and alohol. But with drugs and alcohol you seek help and and employ a policy of abstinence but with food its diffrent. You cant give up eating! its the most sociably accepted drug in the world. You cant do a shot of vodka and you wouldnt take a line of cocaine but you can binge on chocolate and carbs without anyone giving you a second look. It fine for people that have a heathly relationship with food but some of us arent that lucky.
So whats new with me? Not alot. Im still living solo in Hemel Hempstead and Im still livng the orange dream but there have been changes. Ive slowed down my life alot in the last year or so. I think Im ready to fall in love. Ive tried internet dating but Im not sure its for me. I belive in chemistry over compatibilty and im not sure you can find that on a dating site. It works for alot of people but I dont have time to go on lots of dates (I have a busy life) and I had the awkardness of the first date. It always feeks like a job interview with vodka based drinks.
What am I looking for? I want someone I can have fun with. I want to take lots of holidays, go to festivals, go on adventures. I want someone that will look after me. Not finantially but someone that makes me feel emotionally secure. I wasnt someone that I can do nice things for. I basically want a best mate with amazing sex. I want to find someone that will make my life a more colourful place.
Ive been spending alot of time with my nieces and nephews. I LOVE being an auntie, its the best job in the whole world. In general kids have a natural happiness which makes being with them a massive pleasure. They are free from the mental turmoil that us adults suffer from. There is no guilt, anxiety, dissatisfaction with thier lives. They smile and are amazed by all kinds of mundane things that we take for granted.
2012 has been a good year. Less festiavls and more holidays. New year / January I went to Sitges which is near Barcelona (one of my favorite places). Febuary I went to the Pyrenees with one of my best friends and her children. we stayed with her family in a beautiful house in the middle of nowhere which the most amazing views, We had a day trip to Lourdes and say some beautiful french towns. March was my mums hen weekend in Portugal. We stayed in the algarve and managed to spend the whole weekend getting very drunk for free. All the bars and clubs gave us free drinks...amazing!
April was my birthday month and I didnt go away but my nephew Joe stayed with me for a while and we had lots of fun over Easter and had some great day trips.
May was my Mum and Rons wedding in Santorini, Greece. Santorini is one of the most beautiful islands you could ever visit and was the perfect place for the wedding. They married at santos winery with the most beathtaking views looking over the Aegean. I went for just over two weeks and it was my second trip to the island...it wont be my last.
June I didnt go away but June I went to the stone roses and last weekend I went to Sitges pride. Life is good. I have alot to look forwad to but there is definitly something missing.Mothafuckin Prinesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12086490697840303647noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8838237924882836673.post-11387106036987712542011-01-18T05:56:00.000-08:002011-01-19T12:05:02.559-08:00The Perfect Storm For Destructive BehaviourFor the first time in my life I feel like I'm starting to get somewhere with this illness. I'm starting to see patterns and how things are linked. I'm taking it one issue at a time. I know I'm making progress and I'm starting to feel in control. I'm proud of myself. people go to their graves not getting help but I'm doing something about it - and I'm winning.<br /><br />I'm not confident. People think I am, I guess that's why I binge. Without it I'm boring...and no one likes 'boring Janice'. For a long time Ive felt the need to play the role of this mad crazy person. Without it what am I? I know is destructive but without it Im nothing. BUT, I'm starting to believe in myself. Im an intelligent girl and have alot going for me. there is more to be than the wild child act. I just need to remember that. <br /><br />Deep down alot of my issues are about not wanting to be in control. This affects so many things - relationships, sex, driving. I feel like a child cleverly disguised as a grown up. My name is Janice Trustram and under the mask of sanity is a lost girl that suffers from bipolar, has a diagnosed eating disorder and has binge drinking issues. its a toxic triangle of destructive behaviour. <br /><br />Sleep is becoming a problem again, my dysfunctional body clock is playing up. luckily I have some time of work but sleep deprivation does funny things to your brain chemistry. Sometimes it sends me into depression and sometimes it sends me into hypomania. LUCKILY, Im poor at the moment..Its stopping me from taking off and doing something crazy, its stopping me from shopping and its stopping me from partying. I'm not fully fledged manic at the moment but I'm definitely in a manic phase. Regognition of mania is one thing doing something about it is another thing. I'm trying to use my energy in a positive way. Zumba, powerplates, body attack and swimming (i guess you have to know me to realise how bizarre this is. The only exersize Ive done as an adult has been dancing in a club). But typical "All or nothing Janice' over did it, got shin splints and was told to rest. I'm now feeling a little lost and not sure where to channel my energy and I'm worried that ill do something stupid. <br /><br />I actually feel stable at the moment but I know that I am in a hypomanic phase. Im exercising, not sleeping and there is the hyposexualty behaviour. Hypersexuality is one of the symptoms that tells me im starting a 'manic' phase. Im open about most things on my blog but my sex life isn't an appropriate discussion but I am starting to question my desires, my morals and my ability to love. <br /><br />I have been back to see my psychiatrist and we are dealing with the food issues. Ive always been a fussy eater. As a child I never really liked food and would only eat dinner because I had to. I wouldnt eat anything home cooked or healthy, the only thing I liked would be chicken nuggets, fish fingers of chips. TBH as an adult I don't eat dinner every night and rarely eat healthy. But I binge eat and obsess about food. Its becoming a serious issue. We have discussed diffrent options including 'fluoxetine' but they are worried that this will send me into fully fledged mania. So we have decided that CBT is the way forward. I dont personally believe in medication. Ive been there, tried that and it doesnt suit me. It works for some people but not me. I hate the way meds make me feel. The worst thing that happened to me was being in a pool in Jamaica and my nephew nearly drowning. I was a complete zombie and I lost count of many times he cuddled me during that holiday and asked me why i didn't save him. This not only scared me but broke my heart. That little man means the world to me. He will probably forget it but I never will. The illness is bad but the medication is worse. I LIKE the manic feeling and my depressive stage hasn't got to the suicidal point. Yes I think about death, I spend time fantasising about death but its not anything that I have wanted to carry out. I just want to sleep or take Valium...anything that stops me thinking about anything. <br /><br />Deep down I crave attention and what to feel accepted. I suppose I want to find someone that will look after me. I never realised that i wanted this until BAM! I found it. It was unexpected but I found someone that ticked every box . I remember lying in bed and for the first time I felt calm, I felt happy and nothing in the whole world mattered. I later realised that this man wasnt the person that i thought he was and it shock me to my core and he broke me. <br />how did I deal with it? the way i deal with everything else that's bad. I put my finger firmly on the self destruct button and go out and have fun. Its pure escapism. I recognise this but I've always been like this and probably always will be like this. I carry on until I crash. In the end i couldn't have been more of a train wreck if I was lying on my side with smoke billowing from my body. I don't regret it - you have to hit rock bottom before you can get better. <br /><br />I want to be happy I just don't know what will make me happy. I do know that I'm making progress and I'm proud of myself.Mothafuckin Prinesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12086490697840303647noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8838237924882836673.post-18347848089053758832010-12-17T13:22:00.000-08:002010-12-17T16:06:11.448-08:00Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning to dance in the rain<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWFwB0Yq2IpRmoJFiTMkAQhmqBP3Prn1lse4vEOIXtzXiprCkSeWmWrJyQfePLqBdYlrFIYK9hAlLawfrmWsm8hn1fBF42qvLRLzcxyQniy7Qi9lIGKJgE1uX-iOSSDdaWhGiVBZIZo-0/s1600/jan4.bmp"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 234px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWFwB0Yq2IpRmoJFiTMkAQhmqBP3Prn1lse4vEOIXtzXiprCkSeWmWrJyQfePLqBdYlrFIYK9hAlLawfrmWsm8hn1fBF42qvLRLzcxyQniy7Qi9lIGKJgE1uX-iOSSDdaWhGiVBZIZo-0/s320/jan4.bmp" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5551800986908768338" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh991llj7-2-Kz3gThGeCNF_zsDCYTF81s4wCTEXd4Ehc-i2jRuGP0Y9wvLGmXkQ_ipGMVHWybdxpqMxzkIolRqvBXzphUj_FVxjerBAiCYMMJsDfqMT2TjJFfCMf-m5fsmt-Zu-S1hHyU/s1600/jan3.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh991llj7-2-Kz3gThGeCNF_zsDCYTF81s4wCTEXd4Ehc-i2jRuGP0Y9wvLGmXkQ_ipGMVHWybdxpqMxzkIolRqvBXzphUj_FVxjerBAiCYMMJsDfqMT2TjJFfCMf-m5fsmt-Zu-S1hHyU/s320/jan3.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5551800987566206066" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnJ1cRoYS4V8BLD1gAAvSJ9Adx3h5rh_mTNH6cYRAtRYm5A87Bx-CcijbIlegyqpNNZXFh4f2jQGpHCJg1d0xgk1Fz-kRQS4q-O0Fi4wL3aG06erHgPIQB0-mS41pEoyeM8JXbKRmXI8Q/s1600/jan2.bmp"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnJ1cRoYS4V8BLD1gAAvSJ9Adx3h5rh_mTNH6cYRAtRYm5A87Bx-CcijbIlegyqpNNZXFh4f2jQGpHCJg1d0xgk1Fz-kRQS4q-O0Fi4wL3aG06erHgPIQB0-mS41pEoyeM8JXbKRmXI8Q/s320/jan2.bmp" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5551800984195259394" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHcSXOQ8xGdXwSPgsj5HDGY6ahbeI6HpDW2lBKyTFzMba8KYPKOJxIxVk8KAn6dzS33JXk5mjPU_2VGwWyb4YBHBQdrmz2s8B48PkrYwQ1W7k16pdxhyeXXgUzEDnud6JgzjMuFjMKLE0/s1600/jan.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHcSXOQ8xGdXwSPgsj5HDGY6ahbeI6HpDW2lBKyTFzMba8KYPKOJxIxVk8KAn6dzS33JXk5mjPU_2VGwWyb4YBHBQdrmz2s8B48PkrYwQ1W7k16pdxhyeXXgUzEDnud6JgzjMuFjMKLE0/s320/jan.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5551800981878813714" /></a><br />Wow - Its been 4 months since I updated. I guess that means life is good. <br /><br />Am I doing better? Yes I am. Accepting that I have Bipolar is half the battle but its a never ending battle and I'm on a never ending mission trying to recognise signs and symptoms so I don't go into another episode. There are three options; deny, fight or accept. Id love to say that Ive fully accepted it, I sill try and fight it but I'm getting there. <br /><br />Which is me? Is it the impulsive, fun, chaotic, crazy girl or is it the tired, withdrawn, lethargic, lonely one? Mania is intoxicating...Ive said it before, its like a drug. Medication stops it and it has a million side effects. To be honest I cant imagine being better. The thrills and the crashes have always been there, Im not sure I can imagine day-to-day normality. What would occupy my thoughts? <br /><br />Moving to my home town was a good move. Ive slowed my life down. Ive made alot of healthy lifestyle changes. I was partying hard now Im trying to channel my wild child energy into fitness and exercise. I have exchanged my meds for an exercise class called Zumba. Ive jumped on the zumba craze and I'm doing a least 5 classes a week. The results are impressive. I'm losing weight, it burns major calories, its a mood lifter and body toner. <br /><br />So here I am with my new found purpose then BAM! I find myself working, socialising, drinking and partying. I have definly slowed it down (right down) but when I drink..I DRINK! I know its bad for me so why do I do it? It makes me feel good, is a temporary high. But why don't I learn from my past mistakes? I go out and I drink heavily...I always hate myself the next morning but I love he temporary confidence that it gives me. Its one thing being young and slightly off he wall but then you get older and suddenly I fear becoming the old crazy lady. Most women hit thirty and hear the tick-tock of their biological clock - not me. I always presumed Id have kids, Im good with kids. Im not good at many things but Im a bloody good auntie. I love my nephews and niece more than life itself but im in no hurry to have kids of my own. Infact the idea scares me. Id love to meet someone and fall in love. I dont wan to date for the sake of dating..I want to meet my soul mate and have fun. Ive met my fair share of toxic men...where are all the good ones hiding? I just want to be respected, supported and understood.. is that to much to ask? Maybe its me... deep down Im a damaged girl that has to many barriers, I like excitement and danger and go for the toxic ones. <br /><br />Ive been to see my psychiatrist today and they are mainly focusing on my eating habits. I have an unhealthy relationship with food. I like the binge. I enjoy the planning, the buying and the eating...until I take my final bite. Then I feel sick and hate myself. The first taste is ah-mazing after he second taste I no longer taste the food or even look at it. I just need to eat as much as I can as fast as I can. I stop when I cant eat anymore. Sometimes Im sick but mainly I lie there and hate myself. Im not bulimic (obviously...bulimics don't have an ass the size of mine) Its not about controlling my weight...Im just obsessed with food. In the new year I will be using CBT (Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy )to help with my food issues and my bipolar. I don't have much to say about CBT at the moment but I will write more about it when I know more about it.<br /><br />I dont hold grudges and I hate to dwell on negative things. I have a large group of supportive friends but there are a couple of people that I cant seem to forgive. When I was ill I was honest and upfront and I tried to keep my dignity which was hard. But certain people tried to take away the dignity that I had left by making up lies about my illness and that is unforgivable. Another persons dignity is worthless to anyone except the person it belongs to. Its really difficult to forgive certain situations...HOW FUCKING DARE YOU TRY AND TAKE THAT AWAY FROM ME? Maybe I should forget about it and move on? NO FUCKING WAY!! A persons dignity is priceless and taking it away can damage a person and hurt them to the core. I value myself and respect myself. Ill forgive anyone anything. I forgive, forget and never mentiton it again. But there are two people that I need closure with. I WILL HAVE THAT CLOSURE!!<br /><br />moving on....<br /><br />Am I capable of being happy? I hope so and I think Im doing well. Im very aware that the mask of sanity is starting to slip. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed by the world and I just want to hide. I hate the mood crashes and I hate the overwhelming feeling of dread and inadequacy. I have alot of friends yet I feel alone and feel that I can relate to no one. I can now recognise it. I can actually feel myself starting to slip. I can still function but everything feels heavy. I have an overwhelming desire to sleep and isolate myself. I hate it when real life intrudes..the phone rings..I ignore it. I don't leave my room and I ignore the outside world. My life has a tendency to fall apart when Im awake so I stay in bed...But now Im starting to realise that its the other way around and my life falls apart when I stay in bed. Its like a light switch has gone off in my head and reality is starting to click into gear. I have been feeling really emotional and irritated recently but I recognise it and focus on exercise. <br /><br />Ive had alot of fun nights out over the last 4 months. I dont even know where to start. Ive been going to gay clubs less and spending time with my girl friends in my local town. Im kind of looking forward to seeing the back off this year. Its been an emotional roller coaster. I never ever want to go through another year like it but things do happen for a reason and I have a feeling that 2011 will be a good year. Ive been plodding through life waiting to stumble across something ah-mazing that will change my life. I have 2 choices - go back to sleep and dream or get up and chase my dreams.<br /><br />Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning to dance in the rainMothafuckin Prinesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12086490697840303647noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8838237924882836673.post-34812485810914758332010-08-23T15:56:00.000-07:002010-08-25T12:12:36.318-07:00Deep down I hate myself but halfway down Im pretty egotistical<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXWMC89LyFLQ0Xn8al1Gamdr5PLKMOD_wYLfQ-WQnazpGun9DmFggbD0au9y22kXyeSgTo041WzpVltVgfpPKB74ZVL3_pWOJTclkO1ghtzoQX_LOfTOa4mhargOwDh7ntvU1KCkd-taY/s1600/ibiza3.bmp"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 232px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXWMC89LyFLQ0Xn8al1Gamdr5PLKMOD_wYLfQ-WQnazpGun9DmFggbD0au9y22kXyeSgTo041WzpVltVgfpPKB74ZVL3_pWOJTclkO1ghtzoQX_LOfTOa4mhargOwDh7ntvU1KCkd-taY/s320/ibiza3.bmp" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5509150733652653090" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqWd06_rS4EgUs54GP1MMMPrigIfrhFZKx2x0aNh-EeFzFnRiAMwD605Xo5LEYT9VZF73xstKFjKBos7KF6JiphKMsXw0mDDLbSIe1pfLnvvRotEriMol_ziyMKaqLCVp76jNbPHaTy08/s1600/ibiza.bmp"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 234px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqWd06_rS4EgUs54GP1MMMPrigIfrhFZKx2x0aNh-EeFzFnRiAMwD605Xo5LEYT9VZF73xstKFjKBos7KF6JiphKMsXw0mDDLbSIe1pfLnvvRotEriMol_ziyMKaqLCVp76jNbPHaTy08/s320/ibiza.bmp" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5509150724708262338" /></a><br />Ive been through tough times and I can put up with a pretty impressive amount of stress before I'm pushed over the edge - But I am being stretched and I am in danger of snapping at certain people. Im trying to keep quiet and because you don't win arguments but shouting the loudest we win by being wise , by standing back, thinking carefully and choosing our words. I always prefer compromise to conflict but for the first time in a long time I am not willing to meet halfway. It is my right and I WILL stand up for myself. Everyone has a breaking point! Never underestimate those that are scarred! If this means making a few enemies then good! As Winston Churchill once said "That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life". <br /><br />But how do I know if its them or if its me? No one ever thinks they are wrong and there are always two sides to every story. This blog has given me the chance to talk to many people that have and are suffering with mental health issues. Many of the people cant outwardly discuss things because of the stigma that goes with it but one friend who is good at reading people and situations gave me a good tip; if I get annoyed by one person it's them, if it's two people in a day then it's probably me! <br /><br />My weight is really starting to get me down. When did carrying a bit of weight become such a crime? Most girls (and alot of guys) that I know have, have had or have a borderline eating disorder. Im talking anorexia, bulimia or binge eating. My early 20's I was painfully skinny and now I am overweight - I don't seem to be able to get the balance right! I may not be slim but I always had a bucket load of confidence and a big smile. I wouldn't say I was happy with my weight but I didn't obsess but now my relationship with food has gone from bad to worse.<br />Eating disorders are common among people with bipolar disorder and researchers believe that bipolar disorder patients find eating to be a coping mechanism for their illness. According to studies, about of 25.5% of bipolar disorder patients have some kind of eating disorder. The most common eating disorders associated with bipolar disorder are binge eating disorder (BED) and Bulimia Nervosa. I am an emotional eater _ I eat my feelings! I commit carbacide and then spend the rest of the day self loathing and hating myself! Ive now joined fat fighters (weight watchers) and Im determined to get to my ideal weight and shape. <br /><br />Looking over my life so far, I've created and achieved nothing!! Its hard to describe myself because on the outside I'm always a happy person, but I'm also quietly depressed most of the time. I have a lot of intense emotions but often feel nothing at all. I wish I could escape myself. I hate everything about me. I wish I could be more like everyone else... yet I probably come across as confident. <br />I have very unstable relationships, I go from loving to hating to needing. <br />I get very angry for little things but other times I am the exact opposite. I can be very charming and loving...Then I get scared that people will see the real me (bipolar janice) so I guess I hide away and avoid close relationships. Ive been hurt by love and friendships but Im sure Ive hurt alot of people - I'm a good friend but having a relationship with me must be tough! I am writing this and Im starting to see the real me and I wont lie - I don't like it! <br /><br />The worst relationship I have is with myself! I'm sure there are alot of people that are reading this and thinking that I blame alot of things on my illness. That isn't the case. I don't blame anyone but myself. I might write about my illness but I am not a victim. <br />For me self hatred comes easy. I’m fat, can not seem to do anything right, I never finish what I start but I don't blame anyone else for this - I know its my fault but the problem is; I have come to the point where I don’t know where I begin and where my borderline personality ends. I'm a mess hiding behind a happy face. I want to change, I just dont know how. Deep down I know im not a bad person - Im actually a nice peron and would do anything for anyone. Ha! See what I mean, deep down I hate myself but halfway down I'm pretty egotistical!<br /><br />The thing I hate the most about being diagnosed bipolar is that I feel like I am always under scrutiny. The moment that I show any emotion its blamed on the bipolar and Im asked if I'm taking my meds or if I need to see my Dr. This infuriates me!Sometimes I will get angry, sometimes I will get sad. I am bipolar but I also have normal emotions and ups and downs just like anyone else. Its OK to express emotion without being told to see my GP. To be honest Im actually quite well adjusted - at least I know my faults and Im trying to help myself! I might be moody, I might find it hard to concentrate and I might be reckless but I also have alot of positive traits including empathy, realism, and resilience. I treat people the way I want to be treated and will do anything in my power to help a friend in need. Im generous and have a massive heart. Im not perfect and dont always get things right but quite frankly - if you cant handle me at my worst you dont deserve me at my best.<br /><br />Since being back in Hemel Hempstead I have had one manic phase which I didn't recognise as a problem until it was to late. During a manic phase I feel happy and have lots of plans and ideas. the only real sign that something is wrong is my bank balance and the "racing thoughts". <br />Racing thoughts are a mixture of music, snatches of conversation, my own voice or other voices repeating a phrase or sentences again and again without hearing the words, or even rhythms of pressure without any "sound" in the thought...my heart beats fast and I get an overwhelming fear. Ive had this since I was a kid and luckily it doesn't happen often. It never happens when I'm with people...it only happens when im alone. I know it wont last long and I just ignore it and wait for the sensation to pass. problem is, when I recover from an episode of mania I regret many of the things that I did when I was "high" (manic high) <br /><br />Its difficult to to ignore a recurring concern and its impossible to refuse to experience a negative emotion. However, I am trying to make a massive effort to balance it out by thinking happy / constructive thoughts. For a pessimist I'm very optimistic. I believe in the Law of attraction but I'm really bad for dwelling on negative things. If you expect things to go bad and they often will. I'm very optimistic on the outside but I am a secret pessimist. <br /><br />I want to end this blog on a happy note. <br />Madrid!! <br />I had such a fabulous time! I stayed with RJ and Ed and during the trip I had a chance to catch up with Unai, Joseto and Irena.<br />RJ and Ed live in Baharas which is near the airport and a short metro ride from the city centre. I spent the daytime eating tapas and drinking calimochos then RJ and I had a fabulous night in Chueca (the gay district). The men in Madrid are insanely beautiful and the bars and clubs in Chueca are fabulous! We spent most of the night dancing in a club called Delirio. It was full of hot men and had a chilled bar upstairs playing Air, Morcheeba and Mazzy Star. Downstairs was loud, camp with beautiful go-go dancers. The night scene is very, very late. We didn't even head out til midnight which suits me as I hate going out early. The following day RJ and I were feeling a little bit ropey so we decided to see Madrid via the hop on- hop off tourist bus. Madrid was a very hot 36 degrees so we sat on the open top bus, checked out hot men and got off at sol and headed to starbucks. I had an amazing weekend and I cant wait to go back and visit the boys.<br /><br />I'm not sure what lies ahead and I'm accepting the fact that my life had to slow down. Sooner or later the party had to end. I'm not sure that I'm ever going to have a stable relationship or have a family but that is doesn't mean that I can carry on partying and making unhealthy decisions. I'm no longer the life and soul of the party...but how many of my party friends were real friends anyway? <br /><br />Ive also had two fabulous famous faces on my flights this week. Firstly the legend that is Bob Wilson. He was a genuinly lovely man who took the time to discuss Arsenal, goal keepeers and any other questions that we threw at him. The second was Brandon Block on of my favorite DJs of the 90's. Ive met him before in Ibiza and he remembered me - this made my day! We discussed his new bar and the "good old days" in the manumission motel. To me Brandom Block is an absolute legend and was one of my guilty pleasure crushes so yes... I was very impressed that one of my 90's heros remembered me! <br /><br />Ive been doing alot of reminising lately and I really do need to find the time to meet up with some old friends - especially Vickie and Lucy. I share so many memories with these girls and even after all these years I think they probably "get me" more than most.<br /><br />When you hit rock bottom, the only way is up! I'll leave it there. My bed calls...I answer the call.<br /><br />Good night :)Mothafuckin Prinesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12086490697840303647noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8838237924882836673.post-50449555119821316542010-07-30T12:13:00.000-07:002010-08-05T14:10:15.912-07:00Depression Comes From Lack Of Expresssion<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKlJgItX7hdlosgJs7xzdrcw4H2tgn6ebbYaDjodOyGEU85zPfZpyoTSE_qZ2wF2ZapLNVLBQ2nyA4c6MnYI5ixMGM__CXUBjN8epSfqTKltewZKtnjdX8yBflNsFiIc5Rg26KXdb902M/s1600/random4.bmp"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKlJgItX7hdlosgJs7xzdrcw4H2tgn6ebbYaDjodOyGEU85zPfZpyoTSE_qZ2wF2ZapLNVLBQ2nyA4c6MnYI5ixMGM__CXUBjN8epSfqTKltewZKtnjdX8yBflNsFiIc5Rg26KXdb902M/s320/random4.bmp" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5502019229092421410" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhN1KlwaQNQ-iLxfG7BDdUwzj9ew019hSZCt_J97uu3ctCZ_I7F_zNWgK9yUX_H5k1VJLEejqzALBhSBLNNozHiyKoBbfEY_KbzjtYgaUn3fEXjgTYV0OFa7GsVSzBeVc4lmX6F1-olA7o/s1600/random3.bmp"><img style="float:left; 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margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiI5IrpiwoMtINGzixk_QT3gOJekfB7AyGS4XXENtSuusudJXUzRAulqSIxEQdGXCTOrRcXVF4K4yjHQ-4jlaghyphenhypheno3d0U2A9fIJyI9y4PjO3KtecE8riKn6MuSki1BZf4AQDoUXdF7tlyc/s320/jamaica.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5502010053189257650" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxfflAkO9Myd6eivVSxePJ5UTBUG-bHoJJM78vH7AgRlF4Pb08SaW2JbIt0U6KrAAO-UWwMqcfIC-WYc6jhzCcuooMQPPEhTv2kEp-P84bmmFaQOWX83y2QT6mAFJmwgjerQng5dE3weQ/s1600/worldcup.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxfflAkO9Myd6eivVSxePJ5UTBUG-bHoJJM78vH7AgRlF4Pb08SaW2JbIt0U6KrAAO-UWwMqcfIC-WYc6jhzCcuooMQPPEhTv2kEp-P84bmmFaQOWX83y2QT6mAFJmwgjerQng5dE3weQ/s320/worldcup.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5502008947809057874" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjg_Bzk0gfq6VYnaJyN-LIiflKiU99Cpz7WxAq9VEMGSj1iywEh4VVnUmu4kk0Gnpz2vPsnk7yTFb0ET9m28OC5zTK5i2Rle1u0FAJ1bo4nARj53PNRZUg1lqd9wQw8FoZQKQnwocVwLW0/s1600/janice2.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjg_Bzk0gfq6VYnaJyN-LIiflKiU99Cpz7WxAq9VEMGSj1iywEh4VVnUmu4kk0Gnpz2vPsnk7yTFb0ET9m28OC5zTK5i2Rle1u0FAJ1bo4nARj53PNRZUg1lqd9wQw8FoZQKQnwocVwLW0/s320/janice2.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5502008940885586002" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtSHAfP7SY4n87OYq0q0aTKlgEU2vopCW1yXhYRqpSG1AqwIjh3GrXk3eUHPCHA7YNW7UrLUpVDdTYhRQIpNyz-W0XhluWRNqiIy4gemaPuYbt3Bvy5igPnPNTf9mq0TkrGKcqyb4Trt8/s1600/janice.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 214px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtSHAfP7SY4n87OYq0q0aTKlgEU2vopCW1yXhYRqpSG1AqwIjh3GrXk3eUHPCHA7YNW7UrLUpVDdTYhRQIpNyz-W0XhluWRNqiIy4gemaPuYbt3Bvy5igPnPNTf9mq0TkrGKcqyb4Trt8/s320/janice.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5502008937184986130" /></a><br /><br />I haven't updated this for a while mainly because of all the judgemental small minded people that choose to read what they want to, add bits, twist it and use it against me. I then realised that I write this for <strong>ME </strong>because it helps <strong>ME</strong>! If you are one of the judgemental fuckwits then my advice to you is; <strong>STOP READING THIS AND GO FIST YOURSELVES</strong>!! This blog is my therapy, my online diary and to help other people that are going through a similar thing. Nothing more, nothing less. <br /><br />Id rather lose a few people in my life and know that the ones that are there are genuine and will be there in the bad times as well as the good. I thought I was blessed with alot of good friends - it turns out I have less than I thought but I have more genuine people than I ever imagined so I guess its a good thing. I cant say its been the best year of my life, infact I've been to hell and back but things do happen for a reason and sometimes you have to go through the bad to truly appreciate the good. Ive learned alot of lessons and come out stronger and happier. I was off work for four months as I needed to see the company doctor and looking back the time off was a blessing. I have reevaluated my life, moved house, surrounded myself with amazing people and reconnected with alot of old friends. I was lucky enough to have Easter, may bank holidays and the world cup off work - every cloud has a silver lining!! Ive enjoyed the sunshine with quality people...Its all about the grass stains, daisy chains and Pimms and lemonade. <br /><br />I doubt I'll ever know why Ive lost certain friendships - up until the day I went in hospital things were fine its not until I hit rock bottom that certain people decided to turn on me...I guess after 4 months if they cant have the decency to talk to me then it shows how fickle they are. It says more about them than it does about me as I will always give friendships 100% and I am fiercely loyal. If I have a problem I will always talk to the person involved - clearly we aren't all the same. There are a few people out there that will happily watch someone hit rock bottom and kick them when they are down. I wont lie, this cut like a knife and I felt like id been gut punched..I genuinely didn't think people could be so cruel. But I'm not the first and I'm not the last to tell a story like this that's why people say that you find out who your friends are when you really need them. The ones that show apathy are just as bad, sometimes sitting on the fence is good sometimes it fuels it and being apathetic is just plain pathetic. <br />Like attracts like and I only have to look around at my friends to realise that I'm a good person. There is no drama, no bitching, bullying or backstabbing. Fast Forward 3 years and I will still have the same friendships with a few extra that I have met along the way. I wonder how their friendships will be in 3 years time? I would have been there friend for ever...so they have lost more than I have. No one is perfect and I have flaws but at least I have the bollocks to pick myself up and try and make myself a better person. I would never intentionally hurt someone nore would I allow someone to be bullied and I will always stand up for someone that is being treated badly... I believe that random acts of kindness can change the world. I will however stand up for myself - I will not be walked over. I cant control what people say but I can control how I deal with it. I started by letting it eat me up then I realised that letting go of the negativity is healthier. Its easier to be bitter but I read an interesting quote that says 'Bitterness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die' So I decided to go from bitter to better.<br /><br />I then realised that it was only a small minority that were being so vile. I was giving so much attention to a Small group of people when I was receiving so much kindness from outside that circle. The only reason Im writing about this is because it was a big deal at the time and depression comes from lack of expression. If I don't talk about it now and exercise the demons then it will come back and haunt me in years to come. It is amazing the things that you hear about yourself on galley FM (*Galley FM is cabin crew gossip) There is also a toxic troll outside of EJ that took great pleasure in telling me what people were saying about me while I was in hospital, not naming names but I'll call her 'single white female'. I just wish for my sake and the sake of the hundred other people that hate her that there was a telephone number we could use to evict the person from England big brother style - she is poison. She needs to learn some manners (obviously her mamma didn't teach her any!), actually she will probably read this (bcos she is single white female) and leave nasty feedback. She is pathetically predicable and predictably pathetic. The girl hasn't got her own identity so she has tried to take mine. This is her motivation for her vested interest in stirring up so much trouble. I have proof of this but quite frankly her lies will catch up with her and what goes around will come around. When I was at my lowest she told me stories that she knew would cut to the bone - but in a twist of fate she has done me the biggest favour because life is 100% better now that it has been in years. I'm not bothered how it pans out but I'm hoping someone lets me know when the karma police knock on her door. <br /><br />Its a basic human right to have a supportive network around you in the bad times. Everyone deserve that not just people with mental illness. TBH the negative people are few and far between and the positive support/emails/texts/calls that I have received definitely out weigh the negative 'so called friends'. There have been tears, I cried a river then I built a bridge and now I'm over it. I'm surfing the wave of change, one door closes and another always opens. I'm still having fun without going wild. Talking BEHIND my back just proves that I'm one step ahead. I'm learning to be my 'authentic self' and I'm looking to the future. I know what I want from life and its exciting. It doesn't mean that Im not partying or socialising..Im just doing it in moderation. I was a fully paid up gold member of the binge drinking society and now I'm learning the art of moderation. Ive spent allot of time reflecting and Ive realised that Ive had an amazing life. Ive worked on a holiday camp, I spent seasons in Corfu and had a wild 6 months in Ibiza. My life has been a rollercoster of clubbing, holidays and house parties. Ive been in some amazing relationships and made some phenomenal friendships. Ive attended more parties than most people could imagine, Ive had wild nights on a millionaires boat and was lucky enough to live in Ibiza during the 'motel' years. Ive spent 5 years living the cabin crew lifestyle and that has allowed me to visit some amazing cities in Europe and ive met some great people. If I died tomorrow Id die happy knowing Ive lived a full life. Ive made alot of friends along the way and only a few enemies...but you cant know as many people as I do without meeting a few rotten apples. Ive started a new chapter in my life and Ive gone red for the occasion. New Janice, new hair (standard). <br /><br />Coming to terms with bipolar is hard enough without people kicking you when you re down but its true - what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I have to live with the fact that this mental illness will never go away and I have to make some healthy life changes and take medication if I want to get better. TBH I would rather live on this emotional rollercaoster than to live an empty life. I would love to have a stress free life but that would mean that I would have to stop caring, lower my expectations and have no involvement in my friends problems and quite frankly...Janice living a boring life and not wanting to help people - well that just wouldn't be cricket. I would rather be the kind of person that wants to help conflict than sitting on the fence watching it. When people or life lets you down there is only one thing to do...pick yourself up and start over again. I was in a very dark place and if I can have my friends turn on me when in suicidal and survive - shame on them and well done me!!<br /><br />Returning to work was hard. especially when its home to the people that seemed to find my life so interesting and decided to gossip and make up their own version of events. There were alot of stories about me going around and it was hard being told what was being said when I wasn't there to defend myself. Luckily most people have been amazing and have said things like <strong>'you can tell more about a person by what they say about others rather than what people say about them'</strong>. The ones that are discussing my life are the ones that cant go a day without slagging someone off. Ive been to hell and back this year and I'll be fucked if I will let a small group of people bring me down to their level. I double dare the ring leader to push my buttons anymore than she already has...cos I WILL snap! Ive managed to resist the urge to leap in and defend myself because at the end of the day - people don't really care and it just fuels the gossip and while they are talking about me they aren't talking about someone else. Ive got nothing to be ashamed of so i will hold my head up high and stay quiet. Just a quick warning - I might be quiet but NEVER underestimate those that you scar!!<br /><br />Bipolar is a serious mental illness and when you are down its more than a bad feeling that you cant 'get over'. Ive said it before and I'll say it again... YOU CAN'T CONTROL IT WITH YOUR MIND!! But I suppose you will never truly understand it until you've been through it. Apparently a depressed person can function when they are down, get dressed and do every day things like get up and do stuff..who knew? not me and not any of the millions of bipolar that are in their dark place and depressed people that are out there. its a legitimate mental illness but no matter how I explain it most people will NEVER understand it. oh well, Ive tried!<br /><br />So what steps have I taken to help myself; Medication, moved house, I write, I have given my self some goals, I use twitter (its an amazing tool for keeping trck of my moods), I read various law of attraction books with helps me stay positive, Ive cut down on my party lifestyle and I also lucid dream. Medication is definitely the hardest thing to adapt to. If the illness doesn't get you , the medication will. I'm not going to lie - I sometimes feel worse on my meds. I feel boring (when really I just feel normal). I miss my highs! Manic highs are as addictive as any drug on the market - medication can make you feel passive and....Meh!! You feel like you are losing your identity and confidence. the side effects are vile especially the sickness, nightmares, weight gain and zombie feeling. its not dissmillar to being an addict - you crave your highs (even though you know its bad for you). This might sound crazy to a 'normal ' person but I reckon most medicated bipolars feel the same. I fell of the medication wagon and loved every second - until I crashed, burned and saw my bank balance! You're damned if you do and damned if you dont.<br /><br />So what have I been up to? 3 weeks in Jamica came at exactly the right time. I was sensible for a majority of the holiday chosing babysittying duty and early nights over binge drinking and late night partying. I did however have a few nights where I let my hair down for some 'Ring of Fire' action, skinny dipping and beach parties. Gina and I headed to Montego Bays hip strip for an awesome night at the blue beat bar where we danced under the stars while over looking the ocean, in one of the most laidback, chilled out bars that I have ever been in. The inside decor was sophisticated and it had a fantastic vibe. Although I liked Montego bay I fell in love with the resort of Negril and would recommend it to anyone travelling to Jamaica. Seven Mile beach is beautiful with palm trees, aquamarine waters and reggae music. You do get hassled to buy ganja, harder drugs, beer and cigerettes but that happens anywhere that you go to in Jamaica. After the beach we headed to Ricks Cafe which is one of my all time favorite bars. By day people queued to jump and dive 35 feet into the sea below - I however did not after reading the sign that informed me that I could hurt my spine...or die! I did enjoy watching everyone else do it and secretly wished that I wasnt such a scardy cat! There is a cliffside pool and bar. Ive experiance some brilliant sunsets. Ive lived in Ibiza and had some fantastic nights at cafe del mar, Ive been to Santorini and that is regarded as the world's most beautiful and breathe taking sunset. Ive had some amazing nights at sunset beach in Peroulades Corfu (which is one of my all time favorite places) but this place defintly has it all. The sunset and atmosphere were beautiful. There was live raggea and quite frankly if you havent heard reggae in Jamaica then you havent heard reggae at all. The cocktails were lovely and the food was stunning! If you go to Jamaica - you HAVE to visit Ricks cafe. I also went on a party boat and climbed Dunns waterfalls. Im glad I went to the falls but I hated every second of it. My medication put me in a really bad frame of mind. I was tearful and had zero confidence - the dancing, free rum and red stripe on the way home managed to turn my mood around. My little sister Charlie got married and it was defintly the best day of the holiday. They got married on the beach to Jason Mrazs 'Im yours', we drank champagne and ended the evening in Pacha nighclub - Good times! Dr Coves beach is the best part of Montego Bay. You pay a small amount to get in but you get no hassle from vendors and drug dealers and the beach is perfect. Gina and I had issues with a ghost in our room. I dont think we had one night sleep without one of us waking the other...more often me shouting 'can you see that?'. I kid you not..I saw an actual ghost EVERY night! There were some truely bizarre things that happened - the RUI montego Bay is defintly haunted!! <br /><br />Ive also had some fun days at thorpe park, Woburn Lido, day time soho sessions with Mr Monohan and Miss Ford, various BBQ's, paddling pool days, walks in the park, lots of family bonding time especially with my beautiful new nephew Ellison and ive even had a bouncy castle in the garden for the children. Ive had a few nights out mailnly in Hemel but Ive cut the binge drinking down and rediscovering my love of cinema. Nowadays my perfect night in invloves candle light, good music and good company. It might not sound rock and roll but life doesnt get any better than that! <br /><br />Im heading to Madrid at the weekend which means that Im missing out on SMASHFEST2, Brighton Pride and Miss Fords girls night - but it does nean that I get to see RJ, Edu and hopefully Unai and Joseto. I couldnt be more excited...2 more sleeps to go!!Mothafuckin Prinesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12086490697840303647noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8838237924882836673.post-24351796700100620282010-04-05T08:04:00.000-07:002010-04-07T16:57:08.064-07:00Janice In BipolarlandDiagnosis is a relief because I don't think I took it seriously until now. People tell you your fine and you want to believe it, you know that your life isn't typical of most 30 year olds (31 shit, I'm now 31) but you think that if you ignore it somehow it will go away. You hear horror stories about the medication and worry how it will effect your weight / work / personality. You're damned if you do and your damned if you don't! <br /><br />On average there is an EIGHT year delay in diagnosing bipolar so by the time that your offered help and you except the help you start looking back and realise that alot of the damage has been done. Its easy to misdiagnose bipolar and like me you have to hit crisis point before you start getting better.<br /><br />Looking back at my teenage years I was sure they were quite normal. I was a 90's teen and we had alot of fun. We started drinking at about 14, we would go to our local indie night or hang out in the old town under the arches. This was the location where most of us hung out in Hemel Hempstead but I think it was a typical nationwide 90's thing. You would put your money together and buy cider and cigarettes. Most people smoked Marlbro lights and you would generally buy a 2ltr bottle of cider, the brand didnt matter - the cheapest would do! <br />Diamond white (or blush) was the cider of choice but a 4 pack was quite expensive. Alternatively we would buy Maddog 20 20 or thunderbirds, back then we didnt have the luxary or alcopops (hooch wasn't even around). <br />There was a huge music phenomenon going on - brit pop! But the other "indie / grunge" kids also liked US grunge and alot were into the rave scene. I also liked alot of the 90's R&B (that was massively influenced by Donna) and I suppose there was always the secret fag hag inside that had a soft spot for the shit(though I'm sure I kept that quiet). <br />From what I can remember most of the boys had long hair and everyone wore DM's. I personally had three pairs, black (for school), cherry red and my awful yellow ones (I bloody loved them at the time and went to Camden to buy them). In the summer people wore converse and the girls wore cute skinny fit tshirts. Crochet jumpers were huge and so was long flowery skirts. The more intelligent kids were supporting Greenpeace and animal rights and we would all queue for hours and pay to go in the pavillion to dance and watch live PA's such as credit to the nation. It wasn't really about the fashion or music for me as I also hung out at the coconut club. For me it was the people. Maybe I'm looking back with rose tinted glasses but we did all have fun and everyone got on even though we were all quite different. Everyone was labelled as a goth even though most were not "goths" but we all mixed well.<br />My best friends during that time were; Nikkie (we got up to alot of mischief), Lucy, Georgia, Donna and Rachael. <br />Rachael and Georgia were known at school as the "gothic lesbians" but they were neither gothic or lesbians. Nikkie and I grew apart (for no real reason and we are good friends now) and Lucy moved to Hitchen (which may aswell have been Australia) so that left (from my school year) Me, Donna, Georgia and Rachael;<br />Georgias brother and his mates were a few years older than us and we definitely looked up to them. They were in bands and liked cool music and never made us feel like Georgia was the annoying little sister and we were the annoying young mates. There was also my friend Luke, he was the same age as me (infact one day older) but he always seemed so much older and steeetwise (kind of rare in most teenage boys). Luke and I was in the same class at school and would often be sent to T3 together and we would often chat in smokers alley. I really did look up to him and I always knew that even though we didn't always hang out together if I got in trouble on a night out he would look after me! I remember being about 15 in a club and being a bit "paranoid" and him looking after me..after a few mins I was fine and danced but if it wasnt for him I would have been a total mess! <br />I was talking to a mate recently who said that kids didn't do drugs when we was young but I have to disagree. I didn't really know of anyone doing cocaine BUT I do remember people smoking, doing pills, speed was massively popular and I remember people doing acid. Even if you didn't do it (AND MOST DIDNT) you certainly was aware of it. There were certainly kids in my year that would smoke a joint at lunch in smokers alley.<br />After a few years of binge drinking out of a three litre bottle of cider we decided to start going to the local nightclub "La Mirage". We would get dressed up and meet at Rachaels house. We wasn't even sixth form age at this time so god knows how we got away with it (or how we could afford it). We would get the H1 to the station have a few half lagers or ciders and then walk home (we nearly got ourselves in trouble a few times). Yes we was reckless BUT I would argue that this is pretty typical teenager behaviour. We were not bad kids - infact the other three were straight A students! What makes my teenage years slightly different and probably showed indications of my "BiPolar Life" were things like my self harming, my bad sleeping habits, my short temper, my lack of focus, phantom pains, teachers always thought that I could and should be doing better but I hated school and I could never hold my attention. I would rather mess about than work and got sent to T3 alot. I wasnt a bad child, far from it....I just couldn't stay focused. There were alot of things going on in my home life and in the end my mum had no option but to put me in care as I was beginning to damage my family life and my mum had zero support from my dad who had left. <br /><br />My first foster placement was in St Albans and I was with a girl from my year Sam. She was a fun girl and didnt give a shit what people thought about her...I always quite admired that. She had a real bizarre fascination for Robbie Williams (which really wasn't cool at the time) and she was also a bit of a live wire and i was and still am very easily led! We got dropped at school and she decided that we wouldn't go to school and we would head to London to see this guy she was seeing in Walthamstow. She said that he was close mates with the guy in East 17 and quite frankly I thought she was full of shit...turns out she wasn't and we spent the day with these random E17 guys. But by this time it was quite typical of my behaviour. Evenings were spent hanging around town as we (me and my foster brother) hated being home. I hated being in care (apart from Dave France) and as soon as I finished my GCSEs I packed up and moved to Hastings. Aged 16 I was working in a holiday park and renting a room in a place that I knew no one...I suppose that is kind of weird behaviour! I came back in the September and went back to school for a year although I wasn't interested in school work and wasn't really interested in school. The teachers had already labelled me as a trouble kid and it was quite clear they didn't want me there. By this time I was living back with my family and started seeing a boy at school. Gary was my first proper boyfriend and first love (a lot like love) and I was with him for a couple of years. He was a good influence on me and he was a huge part of my life. My family absolutely adored him and I liked all his family and friends. I really did think the world of Gary and he did me. We broke up when I was 18 and it turned quite bitter for a few years as he didn't really understand why I didn't want to be with him anymore...I suppose it was out of his control and he was actually really vile to me. I hated him and he hated me but we are now friends and I often chat which is nice. As I said it ended badly and I decided that I wanted to get away so I went on holiday to Greece. I fell in love with the place and on a whim I decided to not board my flight home. I had no money, no job and no where to live but I didn't really think that far ahead! I called my mum and quit my job and spent 6 months in the sunshine with some amazing people and drinking sambucca......But that is a whole different story! <br /><br />My closest mates from Sidari 1998 were Vickie, Ben and Jonty. The winter we all spent as much time together as possible and every weekend we would all meet up...normally i would get the national express to Manchester and meet Vickie. We would head to the midlands and Saturday night would normally be spent in progress in Derby or Passion in Coalville. Passion was our favorite! <br />May 1999 vickie and I headed back to Sidari with my friend Gemma and a few other mates from Hemel joined us. 99 was good but certainly didn't compare to 98! I partied hard and drank heavily. I was never home before sunrise and I was hammered everyday! I wouldn't dream of ever leaving the club before it closed (Didnt close until the sun came up). <br /><br />The 90's were basically a big drunken haze. It was a rollercoaster ride of a decade and I havent even posted the half of it! My illness has brought me where I am today and if I had been diagnosed earlier I wouldn't have experienced so many wonderful things. Looking back the signs were all there but no body spotted them and even if they had i doubt i would have agreed with them. I was just having fun. I was riding a bike without a licence at one point in 99. I would drive drunk and the roads in Sidari were not the safest and I certainly never wore a helmet. I dint really have many low episodes (from what i remember) but my behaviour was very self-destructive. When I was on a high" I didt think too much about what I'm doing. My personal self-destructive behavior is compulsive spending, drinking along with other things that I dont really want to post. I also have always had sleep issues. <br />Im glad I have got to this stage as I can now take a new direction in life. I know it wont be easy as I feel like im losing my identity...But I'm looking forward to the future and losing some of my bad and self destructive habits. Ive got alot of wonderful people around me and have an amazing mum, step dad and sisters who have been fantastic. <br /><br />People can say alot of hurtful things about Bipolar and that's normally because they are uninformed and alot of the time they THINK they are giving good advice. The best thing that has come out of this blog is the emails that I have received. People dont talk about mental illness but there are so many of my friends that have been through this (some have been through alot worse) and some that are at a similar stage to me. I have friends that have family and friends that have lost loved ones through it. Ive been shown an overwhelming abount of support. Even if I just send a text saying thankyou it doesn't mean that I don't appreciate it. Ive always emotionally hidden away as a survival defense. This means that although i put it all out there on this blog...Im not good at talking about stuff in the real world. Never have been and probably never will be. But I just want to say that I really to appreciate it.<br /><br />I turned 31 this weekend. It was Easter weekend so it would normally have all the ingredients for a mad weekend but as i said before things have to change. Thursday I stopped into see Steve Monohan and had a good chat and catch up. Its the first person that I have spoken to at work about it. Steve and I are very bad influences on each other and we made the mistake of having a cheeky vodka. I absolutely adore Steve and it no matter what Ive said...This did me the world of good. We drank, we chatted and i got alot off my chest. He understands me and is never judgemental. I then left his as i was meeting up with Gwen and RJ. They were on a mission to get me out and let my hair down. I can honestly say it was one of my best ever nights in Flame. Normally I would carry on all weekend but this is the new Janice! I decided that I was going to ignore my bday and stay 30 but my sister had other ideas. She said that even if I didnt want to drink or party hard I still needed to celebrate my birthday so she got a last minute caravan in Norfolk through her work and we took my niece to Sunny Hunny. I think she was concerned that I would be bored but I had so much fun and really appreciate how thoughtful it was of her to do it...It has lifted my mood so much! We had a chance to chat and get her perspective. It also gave me a chance to spend time with my gorgeous niece Tia. She had the opportunity to see the park which is good for her job and it got me out of Luton. There is so much that I could write about this weekend but most of it would only be funny to Charlie and me. You really cant beat a bit of good old fashioned seaside fun. I wont pretend that I stayed alcohol free but I certainly didn't binge drink.Mothafuckin Prinesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12086490697840303647noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8838237924882836673.post-48556721613555157562010-03-31T11:47:00.001-07:002010-08-27T17:14:45.830-07:00Ive Lost My Much-ness, I Used To Be Much More MuchierThere is always someone worse off than yourself; interesting statement and when used correctly its good to sit back and put things into perspective because we all have a tendency to get wrapped up in our own petty arguments, niggles and lives. Thinking about what makes me most happy can also bring perspective as can reading books, opening a newspaper or thinking about people like my brother-in-law that will be heading out to Afghan to fight for his country leaving behind my heartbroken sister and nephew for 6 months; But this isn't a good phrase to use when overcoming a mental illness as knowing that there are people worse off doesn't directly help my problems and adds to the guilt factor.<br />lets make something else clear... I don't wallow in self pity - yes I write about it but i don't discuss it and quite frankly its my right to seek help and feel shit about feeling shit.<br /><br />SOME people think that depression is an attention seeking illness. This I find hard to understand - why would someone want to go from being a fun loving party gal with a HUGE social network to hiding away? Another argument Id like to put forward is that if someone is depressed and they are finding it hard to communicate then what is wrong with seeking attention? Surely the BEST thing a depressed person can do is seek some attention to help overcome the illness? When I'm feeling low I hide away from attention and do everything I can to hide the fact that I'm feeling low. This is partly because I don't know how else to deal with it and because you don't want to burden other people. I would argue that its anything but attention seeking and more about hiding the suffering....and in my case making it worse. Add a few issues into the equation and BAM! You hit crisis point.<br /><br />Let me make something else clear. BiPolar is NOT a fashion statement and the last thing you need is people thinking you are a fake attention seeking, psycho. Why would someone want to fake a mental illness and even if you could (which I doubt the best actress could) Its loaded with stigma, why the fuck would someone want to do that? Just a thought but would faking a mental illness signify a mental illness?<br /><br />So lets move on... I'm definitely a dust yourself off and get on with your life kind of girl. I rarely dwell on things that are out of my control. I put my party shoes on, grab my mates and hit nearest gay club. I get absolutely wankered, talk shit and dance. I basically have two speeds; High and very low. The past is always with us so I guess its time to stop running so i can enjoy middle age. Lets be honest, a "normal" person has bad habits. There are people I know that are rude and obnoxious, there are others that are arrogant and bitchy. I have a chemical imbalance and hope that I'm none of the above I'm seeking help to turn my life around...what are the "normal" peoples excuse for acting like a complete c***? <br /><br />Like recovering alcoholics who avoid drinking or diabetics who take insulin, healthy lifestyle choices for bipolar disorder are a must along with finding out my triggers and patterns. It doesn't mean that I will never go out again BUT maybe its the wake up call i need to grow up a bit. I will still have my holiday to Jamaica and Corfu. I will definitly do my annual trip to sitges (my happy place). I will have some weekends in Manchester and Im sure that you will still find me dancing at 5am in Cruz 101. Im not going to run off to my local convent and become a nun and I will still social drink (once Im used to the meds) BUT I have to give up the binge drinking. BiPolar and drinking seem to go hand in hand...Did you know that up to 60% of people with BiPolar struggle with alcoholism or substance abuse? But I need to find things to replace my bad habits with. <br /><br />I have been shown an over whelming amount of support with this and the few people that I feel havent are in the minority. Ive said it before and I will say it again...I treat people with the same respect as they treat me. I havent asked for anything and I wont be asking for anything, I seeked help off my own back. I don't expect people to understand but I do expect some respect. If I haven't been in touch its not because im being rude...Im focusing on getting better and surrounding myself in a positive environment. If that looks selfish then so be it. I need to get out of my cycle; I lie in bed, I cry, I feel sad and then I get help cos I know its not right and everytime I feel sad I sink that little bit lower. I get help but its still there only this time I hide it because I want everyone to think Im alright. But its not fine and IM not fine...Im a roller coaster ride of emotions. Slowly I start to feel better the dark mist lifts and I feel happy. I love my life and I love the world. Then CRASH! The cycle starts again....<br /><br />I'm not saying that people lives should stop because Im unwell or for the world to revolve around me BUT, what goes around will come back around and there will be a time when you need that support back. BiPolar is a lifetime illness but depression can happen to anyone so think very carefully before you judge me. depression can happen to the happiest person on earth so don't think your immune...cos your not! <br /><br /><br />Its my birthday in a couple of days and I have decided to ignore it and anyone that knows me will know that this is very unlike me. I love birthdays and especially love mine. I was going to have a "Dont be gay be a ganster" themed party at a local club but its all come around very quickly and I dont think its right to go out (especially as i dont have the willpower to not get absolutly wasted). Im not cancelling because I want to hide away...I just want to prove to myself that even though my bday is on easter weekend I can have a good day without drinking a ridiculous amount of alcohol. I know people care and I appreciate the effort that the lovely Joel was going to but I dont think a massive night out will do me any good. <br /><br />Im feeling really good today. I might look like a pile of shit but Im feeling well. the medication is not particully agreeing with me but I need to stick with it for now. Jamaica is two weeks away and this winter seems to have gone on forever. Sunshine is medicine for the soul!Mothafuckin Prinesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12086490697840303647noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8838237924882836673.post-15385627431882432742010-03-23T11:23:00.000-07:002010-03-23T16:37:06.993-07:00Dumping the Stigma and Focusing on Recovery<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgByA6pGYPVDF2OO6mHCUpBFMBhVHrUwaFbzM4YzlSOam6iHQPZU-_SMal830oxH_tmxCK9c6CkD614q8VL-r5RF-6oKwDb057au_-umdz-brNYsr1CKvDJDqTFbTHxklvy5qP_PMNSqE/s1600-h/hen3.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgByA6pGYPVDF2OO6mHCUpBFMBhVHrUwaFbzM4YzlSOam6iHQPZU-_SMal830oxH_tmxCK9c6CkD614q8VL-r5RF-6oKwDb057au_-umdz-brNYsr1CKvDJDqTFbTHxklvy5qP_PMNSqE/s320/hen3.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5451952206858033186" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgX-tCgzQgkE9f04W1A9WdLuC3fyile8E8i8qzkyxTdwOu9ibgWgFrZY167jdEfK7Sk6DBKR7wt2ZrOkoYJgNVq17tc2QRTI7-wv3RnyqzfV1UL_TTFqCQkbm7CqUc3-E3MaXF3JVw25a8/s1600-h/hen13.jpg"><img style="float:left; 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margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 318px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4zz63qnKAZAG10DI8Swwxc8Ybw45LppwUsNLzTSOkmtJRJi1focK8QOn4N8CErYVFTaauP008tvwjK3x2tTLWcQYfO0S8t3f_IRtsqL7LaGV9KZLdRlQyNxLkJcZOH9hiipujYPfL_Pw/s320/hen5.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5451951044065066962" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzb8ybYZyLJ4y_4hgk6UoG4Unj7rAE_RmqP6IJhdpTcF7MxQmGozHEVfZ4NThVTqc38uVTo65ZGoBu606aBOfVvEcO9E4lbHu3u9kWcDkzp6LOZAwMiQQSpp7meyDbjv9ysAM8lSmvPyM/s1600-h/hen4.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzb8ybYZyLJ4y_4hgk6UoG4Unj7rAE_RmqP6IJhdpTcF7MxQmGozHEVfZ4NThVTqc38uVTo65ZGoBu606aBOfVvEcO9E4lbHu3u9kWcDkzp6LOZAwMiQQSpp7meyDbjv9ysAM8lSmvPyM/s320/hen4.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5451951038210604738" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsLCQlDzQkBUm2XC92SyBEvWdPmoQjrCrTX8jSaKZY1yzYLyPYFp0Lt8705jxt1rZ7OK-rqkycnwKpjN0i2_wMekiN3ncQwp-PupIBpqd8JW6JisiVhOCbmCt7MoyLVDVsyJazUDwCV4Q/s1600-h/hen.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsLCQlDzQkBUm2XC92SyBEvWdPmoQjrCrTX8jSaKZY1yzYLyPYFp0Lt8705jxt1rZ7OK-rqkycnwKpjN0i2_wMekiN3ncQwp-PupIBpqd8JW6JisiVhOCbmCt7MoyLVDVsyJazUDwCV4Q/s320/hen.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5451951028574370290" /></a><br />This is going to be the hardest blog to write yet. I dont normally care what people think of me but I hate the fact that people see me as "mentally ill" as it paints the picture of me being in some institute wearing a straight jacket. I havent been sectioned but I was ill, I did seek help and I did go into hospital but it was voluntry and informal. I know that there will be alot of so called friends that will read this and still have thier own view on this but that shows more about thier lack of compassion and thier own niave and uneducated small minds. understanding, love and compassion really are the best medicine! Untill you've lived in my bipolar head...dont judge me!!At the end of the day...the ones that will mock, joke and gossip about this need to remember. I have a chemical imbalance in my brain...whats your excuse? <br /><br />For those of you that read the last blog you know that I have been experiancing one of my depressive episodes.<br /><br />What's It Like Being Hospitalized for Bipolar? first of all let me make it clear that I wasnt "sectioned". I was feeling in a really dark place and under the calm exterior was a very unquiet mind. In my experience, it's a strange occurrence to be on a locked psychiatric ward. They tell you that the locked aspect of the ward is for safety purposes. It's odd not to be able to come and go but when your in a critical state, I suppose it is safe to be "locked in". I dont remeber alot about arriving at the hosptial. I got a taxi and cried the whole way there (I remeber it feeling very surreal and feeling very alone). I was very spaced out due to the 12 valium I had taken in the last 48 hours. They then evaluate you and then give you a physical examination...I remeber having high blood presure and having blood taken. They then take away anything that you could potentially harm yourself with (hair strightners, phone charger, can of coke) and I was shown to my room. The first day being in hospital is the hardest...and even with further valium and zoplicone I couldnt sleep. I was there for three days and everyday I woke up at 4am. I didnt shower til my last day which sounds awful but when you feel shit...you dont care. My family where fantastic and in a weird way I think it was harder on them than it was on me. <br /><br />For years, Ive suffered with a mental disability. No one has found a cure for manic depression (bipolar disorder). During those crisis years, nobody knew anything was really wrong with me. I was experiencing a wild rollercoaster ride of frightening highs and lows that put my life in jeopardy, but my disability is completely invisible. Most people that know me wouldnt have a clue what goes on inside my head. Granted, I was behaving rather erratically. At the same time, I was drinking heavily, partying hard, being VERY spontenious, engaging in sex with complete strangers, staying up for days on end, and in general living on the edge ... But that was my highs and its completly invisable. <br /><br />Alot of people are quick to say "Do this" "try that". "cheer up" "focus on positive things" "Just remeber that there are people that are so much worse off than you". IT DOESN'T FUCKING HELP!!! Ive tried this for years and now ive got to crisis point! Its like cooking... Its no good just having the right ingredients, you need to have a recipe. I KNOW WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE! Its no good walking in the kitchen and critizing me (its even worse doing it behind my back). It takes effort and sometimes you need to recognise that you need help otherwise the meal will never get cooked! This is basically what happened... <br /><br /><br />Once I was re diagnosed and hospitalised I realised things would have to change. And no, friends did not come rushing to my side to support me in battling against my illness. All of a sudden I realized the stigma of having a mental illness - it hit me smack between the eyes. And the stigma was almost as bad as having to come to terms with the fact that I was mentally ill and needed treatment. I was diagnosed in 2008 and Ive stupidly thought that I could handle it and treat myself...If other people dont think I have a problem then its fine. Yes I get "depresseded" every now and then but i know that the dark mist will lift and the highs will return... But the highs are just as damaging!<br /><br />So maybe its a good idea to expalain a little bit about BiPolar. Bi-Polar Disorder is the modern name for what used to be called "Manic Depression". As the old name suggests, people with Bi-Polar tend to have severe mood swings between intense feelings of depression and despair, on the one hand, and wild bouts of mania where they feel "on top of the world", elated and bursting with energy. <br /><br />When I feel down most people dont see this because I will hide away from the world. I litterally disapear for a few days. Emotionally I have feelings of unhappiness that don't go away, I lie in bed and burst into tears for no reason. I feel useless, inadequate and hopeless. I have zero self-confidence. I either eat nothing or binge eat..I have difficulty in concentrating and I find it hard to make simple decisions. I avoid contact with friends and family and have difficuly in starting and completing simple everyday chores. Its difficult to even get myself dressed and showered. <br /><br />Then comes the mania (the bit people see more)... very happy and excited, I hate it when people dont share my optamistic look on life. Im full of new and exciting ideas and move quickly from one idea to another. I party HARD and talk alot. I recklessly spend money, Im over-familiar or recklessly critical with other people. Im spontenious and Im generally less inhibited. <br /><br />(when your depressed you realise there is a problem when you are in a manic state you dont see it as a problem). <br /><br />There are four types of mood episodes in bipolar disorder; so then we also have hypo mania and mixed episodes. (Hypomania is a less severe form of mania). There are also three types of Bi polar......... but this is getting very boring!<br /><br />Alot of friends were ignorant of the many aspects of the illness. Bi polar is a lifetime chronic, relapsing illness. Medication alone is not enough to fully control bipolar. This is the main reason for this blog. it helps to empty my mind and keep track on how im feeling. I need to monitor my moods. <br /><br />Having a surportive enviroment is massivly important and David (The Jew) has been my rock through this. Most people hope to make a diffrence in someones life and I can honestly say that I dont know where I would be without him. I hope that one day I will be able to help someone as much as he has heleped me. dont get me wrong.....Ive had messages of support off so many people and I genuinly appreciate it but his friendship and support has been lifechanging. he really is an actual angel. <br /><br />Some people think that I shouldnt write this blog and quite frankly if you are reading this and you are one of those people I think you should stop reading this, stop judging me and sort out your own lives. Would you think the same if I had a "physical illness". of Course you wouldnt, youd be sympathetc and support me. I hate the stigma that goes with BiPolar!<br /><br />BiPolar has affected my work, friendships and past relationships (Liam not Alex...Alex was just a cunt) as well as my family and was probably alot of the reason I ended up in care. I worry that im never going to have a normal life because of my illness and when I see "crazy people" I worry that I will end up like them. <br /><br />On the plus side people with Bipolar disorder tend to have more passion, compassion and determaination than alot of other people. We make great friends as we understand lifes ups and downs.<br /><br />After coming out of hospital I went to Hemel and spent some time with my family who have been absolutly incredible...there compassion and love has been unbelieveable. It was my sisters bday and hen do over this time. I attempted to have a vodka on my sisters bday which ended in tears...oceans of tears and lots of vomit (yuck). Two vodkas made me dizzy, sleepy and gave me extreme nausea (always read the small print). While I spent most of the evening on my mums bathroom floor with her holding my hair and rubbing my back her advice was " darling, your lifestyle is really going to have to change". At that moment I realised that I loved my mum but really fucking hate my life!<br /><br />The next night was my sisters hen night in London. This whole episode has made me lose ALOT of confidence. Im a party girl...always have been and I feel like Im losing my identity (and this is a big deal). After last nights episode I decided NOT to take my mediaction (and before I get critised for this I did discuss this with the crisis team). I cant say it was the best club Ive ever been to but we definitly made the most of it! It was a hillarious night! I cant say I have my confidence back but I was with girls that I have known for alot of years and that know me really well. The theme was flappers and gansters. It was very girly and alot of fun.... I cant wait for the wedding! Jamaica in a few weeks!!<br /><br />Unless I wrote this blog (or you lived with me) you really wouldnt even realise I was a manic depressive. But I do realise that things have got to change in my life. My Bipolar isnt the end of the world...Its the begining of a new one!Mothafuckin Prinesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12086490697840303647noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8838237924882836673.post-50349920242351122922010-02-19T16:50:00.000-08:002010-03-04T21:06:49.244-08:00Dude, your perspective on life sucksso...it's 5 in the morning and I can not sleep which wouldn't be too bad if didn't have to be up for work in 4 hours. ugh. I hate when I can't sleep. <br /><br />This blog was started to help me through my bi polar lows and after finding myself crying in bed for no real reason for the past 3 hours I figure writing is the way forward.<br /><br />Ive been back to see my dr this weeek and again I declined the drugs. But Im starting to think that maybe its the only way forward. I cant cope feeling like this and there is not one person in my life that seems to remotly understand how I feel. Thats not a dig at anyone...how can someone understand it if they have never been through it?<br /><br />This low has hit me particuly hard...normally I get through my lows knowing that the high will come soon but ive started to realise that my highs are just as damaging as my lows. When Im manic I make bad decisions, Im impulsive, I spend to much money, I party to hard. When something upsets me when Im manic I rage..and I mean RAGE! My sleep is erratic and most of the time I have difficulty falling asleep. When the high leaves I cant get out of bed... I sleep for days - litterally! Most of the time I manage it effectivly... I know my triggers and can normally pull my self out of the dark hole...This cycle is proving more difficult. <br /><br />My eating patterns are getting out of hand...think bullimia without the sickness...then being filled with self loathing. <br />Everyone gets ups and downs... but the intensity of these feelings are tenfold. The racing thoughts litterally make you feel like your going mad! racing thoughts arent just "thinking fast" they are thoughts that wont go away. they wont be quiet...they get louder and louder and louder...its a noise that you cant explain that repeats over and over. (If that makes me sound mad then just imagine how that feels?!) <br /><br />Bi polar affects my concentration. Sometimes I cant think straight or finish a train of thought. I get distracted easily and have a short attention span. My friends mock this and I laugh with them but its not nice and there is nothing I can do about it. Im sure people think im being ignorant or rude...Im not, Its just the bi polar.<br /><br />Basically, Im writing this for my own good. To try and make sense of the shit thats going around my head. I will probably regret writing this as it will make people judge me...but fuck it. <strong>The ones that judge you the most are the ones that know you the least</strong>. <br /><br />Im not using my bipoar as an excuse but it is an explanation.<br /><br />This doesnt mean that things that I have said or done over the last few months are a result of my bi polar. I stand by most of what I have said (even if I didnt go about it the right way initially). <strong>I treat people the way I want to be treated. If that doesnt work..I treat them the way they treat me - bare that in mind if you dont like the way that I am with you</strong>.Mothafuckin Prinesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12086490697840303647noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8838237924882836673.post-40788968664257575422010-01-12T20:04:00.000-08:002010-01-12T20:39:57.690-08:00A New Year Like This Comes Once In A Blue Moon<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPKCqYFTbk7V0aMx4XX_x3uJgfcVoXLhKTZINrIXv8zEG4wQz7NLJz8Y3gRsJhRSZB94NltfjzDrvS2iKmcsR8gAHO8Hhq6TYacZrhkcIz7Q4f6sQcsFkZYanWPGotvnFE7hxLqULVsAQ/s1600-h/blog8.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 130px; height: 86px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPKCqYFTbk7V0aMx4XX_x3uJgfcVoXLhKTZINrIXv8zEG4wQz7NLJz8Y3gRsJhRSZB94NltfjzDrvS2iKmcsR8gAHO8Hhq6TYacZrhkcIz7Q4f6sQcsFkZYanWPGotvnFE7hxLqULVsAQ/s320/blog8.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5426071134702332450" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJ5b0vJ3OuNwnu2PRMQt3TWjmHWDCC_xpzbuSyIVnonKXZMwlpb3N9JzjSvCy_iqwr3OjQ5fXjZ-U2sGvRRP_hlqsZQJscJcnBPdDaSa4R-X1NZ8qSYETRv5YgtjiZuUVNlobM0f0GGTQ/s1600-h/blog7.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 130px; height: 86px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJ5b0vJ3OuNwnu2PRMQt3TWjmHWDCC_xpzbuSyIVnonKXZMwlpb3N9JzjSvCy_iqwr3OjQ5fXjZ-U2sGvRRP_hlqsZQJscJcnBPdDaSa4R-X1NZ8qSYETRv5YgtjiZuUVNlobM0f0GGTQ/s320/blog7.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5426071130191582434" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkFuIfE9HLwq_JEhQWoOMrIokVJipeVCADH-xtTP8MPeo1o7Zu9t59YahLbwrUyvOSrkyUojWOt8lx2UKtHv2JYN7AikY0UgjiuDf1_4HB0cxBGwWQ1o6M79AlKfMYXwyPhQSTFPNpOcY/s1600-h/blog10.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 130px; height: 86px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkFuIfE9HLwq_JEhQWoOMrIokVJipeVCADH-xtTP8MPeo1o7Zu9t59YahLbwrUyvOSrkyUojWOt8lx2UKtHv2JYN7AikY0UgjiuDf1_4HB0cxBGwWQ1o6M79AlKfMYXwyPhQSTFPNpOcY/s320/blog10.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5426071128660087778" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkEnNLnEL8g7NeF2FkSJ_bOVPrbCPohUaq7QI6mjKWyRSt26CdO8GxXFMB6H-mHGCrN2ffA10qfWjP_G7ZJFtaDexdCNdnQYr0Elvj265dtbnN1SYi5Jo9hzwL1i3KZyfHgL35Z-bAxOs/s1600-h/blog9.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 130px; height: 86px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkEnNLnEL8g7NeF2FkSJ_bOVPrbCPohUaq7QI6mjKWyRSt26CdO8GxXFMB6H-mHGCrN2ffA10qfWjP_G7ZJFtaDexdCNdnQYr0Elvj265dtbnN1SYi5Jo9hzwL1i3KZyfHgL35Z-bAxOs/s320/blog9.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5426070898634647538" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgEk4NN0DBLUiIFny1HTDYMTNIE7pCTeINo9jkhSVtxJ2eOu83cYEVBUtGyQrvsQaZY2UTeMCTGEQqvFE7oU4tML8jhB8TNzlrBs2hVnfD7o6AmrojiofI_53kEFFMmiEmCOf0zhA9MSY/s1600-h/blog6.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 130px; height: 86px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgEk4NN0DBLUiIFny1HTDYMTNIE7pCTeINo9jkhSVtxJ2eOu83cYEVBUtGyQrvsQaZY2UTeMCTGEQqvFE7oU4tML8jhB8TNzlrBs2hVnfD7o6AmrojiofI_53kEFFMmiEmCOf0zhA9MSY/s320/blog6.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5426070897121888194" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQ_DJfN4IU1RyjB0RP-gK1x1S553AYGCL2CmYcNDfA59p9hkmNlOU_0arW4ho5qu5_Unsknr9ZmbirEdx9ocP65QIT8Ee5X2nKwRYR8IY2s-D1z1gW9jXLkB1sFO1awYmm_SHTz7GBJRY/s1600-h/blog3.bmp"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 130px; height: 97px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQ_DJfN4IU1RyjB0RP-gK1x1S553AYGCL2CmYcNDfA59p9hkmNlOU_0arW4ho5qu5_Unsknr9ZmbirEdx9ocP65QIT8Ee5X2nKwRYR8IY2s-D1z1gW9jXLkB1sFO1awYmm_SHTz7GBJRY/s320/blog3.bmp" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5426070891017330594" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIoT8KAT_KEzusU4306Wqr1U9pOSkTxypHB3yoxVWUjeYfOzi4Tyse3fStSWCi5MS3YcJTaCERhZYuHmkwWbXA2fJ5QeDp-oXTXusr25R6MemOJbkQa4Stgb80krNTkJ5N1lwYBX5bbZI/s1600-h/blog2.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 130px; height: 86px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIoT8KAT_KEzusU4306Wqr1U9pOSkTxypHB3yoxVWUjeYfOzi4Tyse3fStSWCi5MS3YcJTaCERhZYuHmkwWbXA2fJ5QeDp-oXTXusr25R6MemOJbkQa4Stgb80krNTkJ5N1lwYBX5bbZI/s320/blog2.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5426070888732153474" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinag-RfOPHrR3fDiaKB8_JWuxHrfyXFon8SPt3keywTUrNPRah7263nS4vernuiA0PcXGtg_eF6SazmVBPZC5m2xejkFxVEeE9xUqi8nSJTljbCl5tqk4qk46klqC02x5zk8_e8RmhnAA/s1600-h/blog.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 213px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinag-RfOPHrR3fDiaKB8_JWuxHrfyXFon8SPt3keywTUrNPRah7263nS4vernuiA0PcXGtg_eF6SazmVBPZC5m2xejkFxVEeE9xUqi8nSJTljbCl5tqk4qk46klqC02x5zk8_e8RmhnAA/s320/blog.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5426070884995928562" /></a><br />Its been a while since I updated. Life has been busy but Ive not really been in the mood to write and the longer I leave it harder it is to know where to start;<br /><br /><br />Who says blondes have more fun? Ive crossed over to the dark side and so far so good. I needed a change and im feeling better for it. I absolutly love it!!<br /><br />This years work party was held in Milton Keynes. Lots of binge drinking, bitching and snow. Went to Mac but wasnt overly impressed with the make up..she was good but she is no where near as good as Gemma - she played it safe with the basic smokey eye - I wanted dramatic but it wasnt to be. <br /><br />The week leading up to Christmas was manic. lots of snow and random weather. I started my week in Luton, then went to East Mids and eneded the week in Newcastle. I broke down in tears twice and seriously considered getting a new job. I absolutly love my job but it is fatiging and really fucks with your emotions. Anyways..I finished Christmas eve and had 12 days off to celebrate Chrismukkah, New Year and Andy Vernons birthday...good times! <br /><br />Christmas day morning was spent with the clampits (my family) and then I taxi'd back to the ghetto and had dinner with the naughty kids. <br />Im not normally the biggest fan of Christmas but this year I have felt more christmassy than santa eating a selection box and watching Home Alone. Dortmund Christmas markets and Euro disney really put me in the christmas spirit! On christmas day the taxi man even stopped at the shop and spent the fare I gave him on chocolates for me...how lovely is that?! Andy cooked an AMAZING dinner and Andrew made a fanastic buffet in the evening. There was aloy of alcohol consumed, alot of our friends came over and the night was finished with games and karaoke.<br /><br />I then spent a few days in Hemel babysitting my nephew Joseph. This is without a doubt one of my favorite thhings. Joseph makes me laugh every single day. looking after Joe is always a pleasure - never a chore. We watched movies, played with cars, went to the cinema, went bowling and even had my niece Tia over for a sleepover with movies and midnight feast. <br /><br />NYE came around so quickly! NYE is also Andy Vernons bday. I spent the day in London having my MAC make up done (standard) then we headed to MK for pre drinks at Joels then onto Pinks for binge drinking, high camp disco and club classics. With a New Year's Eve blue moon, 2009 went out with an lunar bang. Fantastic end to a fantastic year with some Fantastic friends. Messy, messy night but alot of fun! NY day was spent in recovery at Joels and the Harvester (yes the harvester... its Jon Tibbenhams favorite place to eat so thats why we went. Also - there is a free salad bar, result). I dont mind admitting that my hangover was severe, infact Janice and Dan Codesel actually went to the Harvester in our PJ's....no shame in that?!<br /><br />I decided to spend January alcohol free but I well and truely fell off the January wagoon January the 4th. I brought Andy theatre tickets for his bday (Avenue Q). We had a few cheeky theatre drinks then headed to soHo to meet Andrew, Harry, Julie (Andrews mate from Liverpool), Dan Codesel and the lovely Liam. I was led doen the jagaar bomb road quite early on...the rest is a blur. <br /><br />It has officially been the coldest winter that I have ever known. Im back at work and I really have the January blues. I really need something to change but I dont know what. I feel like I need some direction - I feel "rootless". I think its time to grow up.... A serious and responsible mood has swept over me! My friends are hoping that it wont last long! Ive spent the last week writing my "bucket list" the "101 things that I want to do before I kick the bucket". I havent completed it yet but so far so good.<br /><br />1. Write a best selling book (I figure number one you should aim high)<br />2. Fall madly, helplessly, uncondionally in love.<br />3. Complete the Camino de Santiago<br />4. See the northern lights (aurora borealis)<br />5. Be a mother (this shocked me when I realised that maybe... I deep down kinda one day want this)<br />6. Get married to my soul mate (again...this shocked me that maybe I want this)<br />7. Live in my dream house<br />8. Go to Bora Bora<br />9. Re visit NZ<br />10. Re visit Singapore<br />11. Blow a months wages on a dress<br />12 Get "re married" to my soul mate somewhere crazy <br />13 Spend Christmas in Lapland<br />14 Road trip - route 66<br />15 Contact my childhood "boyfriend" (ive always randomly thought about him)<br />16 Drink beer at Oktoberfest, Munich! <br />17 Spend Christmas day on a beach with the man I love drinking cocktails/beer.<br />18 Fly first class<br />19 Achieve my ideal weight<br />20 Make a diffrence in someones life<br />21 Fly in a helicopter<br />22 Gamble in Vegas<br />23 Visit Madjugorje (this place facinates me)<br />24 Get a tattoo<br />25 ********* something that i need to do but cant write!<br />26 Learn to drive!!!!!!<br />27 get new teeth<br />28 Get new boobs<br />29 Go to Vietnam<br />30 Go to Laos<br />31 Go to Hawaii<br />32 Go to Jamaica <br />33 Go to iceland and visit the blue lagoon<br />34 Spend the night in a haunted house<br />35 Write a magazine column<br />36 Take pole dancing lessons<br />37 Throw a dart in a map and travel where ever it lands!<br />38 Look into my future childs eyes...see myself and smile :)<br />39 Forgive my ex<br />40 Forgive my dad<br />41 Go zorbing<br />42 Have a MAC make up lesson<br />43 Be content with myself<br />44 Visit the holyland<br />45 Go to disney world as an adult<br />46 Bake a cake <br />47 Volunteer<br />48 Ride the 5 worlds biggest rollercoasters (I love rollercoasters!!)<br />49 Experiance OBE - astral travel <br />50 Be a millionaire!!<br />51 Visit Lourdes<br />52 Get a diploma in counselling<br />53 Visit the lake district <br />54 Write the story of my life<br />55 Organise a picnic / sports day for my friends family <br />56 Live or have a second home near the sea<br /><br />thinking of 101 things is tougher than you might think! <br /><br />Basically.. I date it and once I achieve each thing.. I highlight it. I think ticking off each goal will be empowering. Obviously there are things on the list that might not happen. I might not meet my soul mate which means I may not end up having children, the list is what I want in an ideal world. <br /><br />Everyone deep down hopes that they meet thier "soul mate" but I dont hold on to the romantic notion that I need a man to make me happy, I honestly believe that if you think you NEED a man to make you happy...you will never really be happy. <br /><br />Im still half heartledly on plenty of fish but Im bored of it. Internet dating is such an artificial process... its not for me! I have met some great people on there that have become great mates. I originally met the Jew on there after splitting up with Liam years and years ago. The Jew is one of my best mates.... he is the guy that I said met a girl, fell in love an d simply disapeared for a while. The Jew is back!! Hurruh!! I randomly went on MSN and there he was. It was very odd chatting to him....the worst thing is having a friend that you deeply care about. They disappear. You then randomly chat and you then feel like strangers. He was one of my closests mates (even though we had a weird friendship) and there I was chatting to him like he was a random acquaintance, it wasnt the nicest feeling. I have chatted to him a few times since and Im sure normal service will be resummed and he will soon be sorting out my life again! <br /><br />Not to sure how long the "Good girl Trustram" mood will last cos when Im good Im very good but when im bad Im better :)Mothafuckin Prinesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12086490697840303647noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8838237924882836673.post-54177907723191458922009-11-29T17:06:00.000-08:002009-12-09T15:45:12.075-08:00Come on barbie, lets go party.<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdoRO1qpAqRfkplSzt8MFxwRNuWjc5zp69BKdb8JSGBWqDMM360ptCZ_qh0omhtQAQjWC1R3gEjMNxru1p39BkQNimHVFOhXzrVZNg9R6Rhrxwa_lVIfvxgsfAibID2IqBqLqcpRlGEJg/s1600-h/barbie5.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdoRO1qpAqRfkplSzt8MFxwRNuWjc5zp69BKdb8JSGBWqDMM360ptCZ_qh0omhtQAQjWC1R3gEjMNxru1p39BkQNimHVFOhXzrVZNg9R6Rhrxwa_lVIfvxgsfAibID2IqBqLqcpRlGEJg/s320/barbie5.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5413385366954061522" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmC_-gW8tRyDSGuHjAzIkKk04y_YMkPk4QdoufjI-g-pHScZXWEO9eoGoLRQxPJrpuB20Qhhk90_iO4stluuYG9XoZSObg5VLSSPfmUaYsG6ZmCqQCv-6bLcQsmqjvqWn2DawxCPkOfpY/s1600-h/barbie4.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 239px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmC_-gW8tRyDSGuHjAzIkKk04y_YMkPk4QdoufjI-g-pHScZXWEO9eoGoLRQxPJrpuB20Qhhk90_iO4stluuYG9XoZSObg5VLSSPfmUaYsG6ZmCqQCv-6bLcQsmqjvqWn2DawxCPkOfpY/s320/barbie4.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5413378516208345586" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwvHxhWHZEi9Q8TjDoPefBVC7XNYLzjwniuWuTcUaD6Qe0Sx_h9jaC_YHWzftvQ8knHhRe33zVgi2fUOV772ZIQq5X1EylhJfjAfpCl0x2goT6DEOtCwo8Igx9w6iImSE1kCBHvp-bcSo/s1600-h/barbie3.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 239px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwvHxhWHZEi9Q8TjDoPefBVC7XNYLzjwniuWuTcUaD6Qe0Sx_h9jaC_YHWzftvQ8knHhRe33zVgi2fUOV772ZIQq5X1EylhJfjAfpCl0x2goT6DEOtCwo8Igx9w6iImSE1kCBHvp-bcSo/s320/barbie3.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5413378513489707890" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgljKtqHKfJXdAhhadSXy7T-xFznwcdb4yemS8jfpL_XFk5t9Jiyp0x4SO7p6njDb8eNkZINieEIac6yELW8c_9OQDMrtHbwmIiNWOUD6Px5u7i7q034Kg139RDAucuwziK4Vt6eXL3Uk0/s1600-h/barbie2.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 239px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgljKtqHKfJXdAhhadSXy7T-xFznwcdb4yemS8jfpL_XFk5t9Jiyp0x4SO7p6njDb8eNkZINieEIac6yELW8c_9OQDMrtHbwmIiNWOUD6Px5u7i7q034Kg139RDAucuwziK4Vt6eXL3Uk0/s320/barbie2.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5413378509535507666" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgY08ywOzDnjq3oR5Dy41mac9cOIvCJSNThPhEd1Q71K3tcIrmXtVHvl5EFg9lJLdFmyVB4N9AqudnXMRgKaa-yQIPTWuCaSxnUnTk66Tovus0TqpqJDUeU2z-uP4preAfKLw8k9itk0UQ/s1600-h/barbie.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgY08ywOzDnjq3oR5Dy41mac9cOIvCJSNThPhEd1Q71K3tcIrmXtVHvl5EFg9lJLdFmyVB4N9AqudnXMRgKaa-yQIPTWuCaSxnUnTk66Tovus0TqpqJDUeU2z-uP4preAfKLw8k9itk0UQ/s320/barbie.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5413378498272067426" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWPpczotfbnIH1r-H_v4gw1bOm1iHSQYvw1bQiqOPpQ9jY-roNBFoc7NjKN4Lp3dArfeY98Zw-0_Z2msQB5eqCckwu2jx92GB6txfUPLV6S_83LNDgrFJwACkcy1lSfqf0UwCoa-MNYMA/s1600-h/christmas4.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWPpczotfbnIH1r-H_v4gw1bOm1iHSQYvw1bQiqOPpQ9jY-roNBFoc7NjKN4Lp3dArfeY98Zw-0_Z2msQB5eqCckwu2jx92GB6txfUPLV6S_83LNDgrFJwACkcy1lSfqf0UwCoa-MNYMA/s320/christmas4.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5413375884488303554" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizOX-S99EvdxsKBJWzUYLvGsi6v1CTLJz2hw_O450QoSirK59BoymhADJf4f0GuEVw_7waBwQ552pOgbZfBk13fu-NsTrPCz5riseHvQhbpfciaXswJlM0lUw0i6TCPhjddcl_b69I6Kw/s1600-h/christmas3.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizOX-S99EvdxsKBJWzUYLvGsi6v1CTLJz2hw_O450QoSirK59BoymhADJf4f0GuEVw_7waBwQ552pOgbZfBk13fu-NsTrPCz5riseHvQhbpfciaXswJlM0lUw0i6TCPhjddcl_b69I6Kw/s320/christmas3.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5413375877891473586" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiezAjYe7vCjATBBfj-MzAk56U0rru-BDnvb3zWmpxXoGSfjudhh1bxkhayzf2-xiZXnJa79gvQvtECXaaHDQt3OGGX-9zBjLBcmHFega7PIcquFOtG3NBIriZxFYZ7g2hR7Ndq-iLezMI/s1600-h/christmas2.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiezAjYe7vCjATBBfj-MzAk56U0rru-BDnvb3zWmpxXoGSfjudhh1bxkhayzf2-xiZXnJa79gvQvtECXaaHDQt3OGGX-9zBjLBcmHFega7PIcquFOtG3NBIriZxFYZ7g2hR7Ndq-iLezMI/s320/christmas2.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5413375871660966946" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRgng8cP0eldkSTyB-Ch8g_wIeZSHcT3Rknxd1v3Yit4965KuohChaTzSj8-gg2Qfvw0SpJBp7K_e_HU0lrg-8GgPGFJ6Sfbi89SUQeS_g4V4S-ASimoKESbG1AbzLHfThrrOcc-hKwAg/s1600-h/christmas.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRgng8cP0eldkSTyB-Ch8g_wIeZSHcT3Rknxd1v3Yit4965KuohChaTzSj8-gg2Qfvw0SpJBp7K_e_HU0lrg-8GgPGFJ6Sfbi89SUQeS_g4V4S-ASimoKESbG1AbzLHfThrrOcc-hKwAg/s320/christmas.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5413375867176928114" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjErtBAJRv8ImEK0_ehTH_MDdOmGT15uxs1qmb2m1AoNsp5g-rlIM25Z-nH-bQpnrL7JKcNavjIC9sT46yqjWn0n-iBVAwTT9f_eXZYjUtg75DiUtFnKb_61ut-OXPrq2UUlDMlvwsPYC8/s1600/barbie3.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjErtBAJRv8ImEK0_ehTH_MDdOmGT15uxs1qmb2m1AoNsp5g-rlIM25Z-nH-bQpnrL7JKcNavjIC9sT46yqjWn0n-iBVAwTT9f_eXZYjUtg75DiUtFnKb_61ut-OXPrq2UUlDMlvwsPYC8/s320/barbie3.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5409705911343723154" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2uZ2AF19VNLXKZt6cs_DqoUd_B7AAS_rBYBbXt8FAXROazA9MFDblsedAoC3-jSWVnt47V5gGTkXkaRAfDNULX6HXgJ0LghHYKGFN7WvbXfuRpscD8ZdpaZL7fJDm9_vhXWJkL_16ChY/s1600/barbie2.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2uZ2AF19VNLXKZt6cs_DqoUd_B7AAS_rBYBbXt8FAXROazA9MFDblsedAoC3-jSWVnt47V5gGTkXkaRAfDNULX6HXgJ0LghHYKGFN7WvbXfuRpscD8ZdpaZL7fJDm9_vhXWJkL_16ChY/s320/barbie2.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5409705907099028322" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuy5jP30OLQm66ltZ3RGKrTiIjc_vYQ8cVFjwFoqZ-UXA4Uw-o8CErg3PvT66iX_ebw8hmFr9c2r3SYmbXQTGTD5_N0zXRWj5eu87yEZRMaHzyXIg8AQVRbgEGZ7oPwrdzOk4qvgxoteE/s1600/barbie.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 241px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuy5jP30OLQm66ltZ3RGKrTiIjc_vYQ8cVFjwFoqZ-UXA4Uw-o8CErg3PvT66iX_ebw8hmFr9c2r3SYmbXQTGTD5_N0zXRWj5eu87yEZRMaHzyXIg8AQVRbgEGZ7oPwrdzOk4qvgxoteE/s320/barbie.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5409705905171321298" /></a><br /> <br />Since my last blog there was a great night in Soho at G.A.Y and G.A.Y late. <br /><br />Late is definitly my biggest guilty pleasure. Monday to Thursday is £1.60 a drink and the music is fabulously cheesy. Its not quite a bar and not quite a club. Apparently they can be strict about letting girls in (although I've never had a problem). I went to Soho with Andrew, Andy and Lee and we met up with Joel, Sarah, Michael and Jon. We started in G-A-Y the got a bike taxi to late (I was wearing ridiculously high yet fabulous shoes). We got in late and danced to camp pop and drank cheap vodka. I got chatted up by two hot straights and kissed the hottest man...ever!I was told by various gays that they would marry me if they were straight - The night was a sucsess :) <br /><br />Then there was princess Laurens birthday weekend and the theme was barbie. The house was made into a pink palace and everyone was told to come as a barbie, ken or action man. I decided to go as "Bollywood Barbie" and this ment purchasing a sari from Bury park and having my make up done at MAC (standard). The make up artists who work at MAC counters make your eyes and face look like a work of art. It is truly amazing. I think it takes a lot of talent and patience to perfect a face for makeup. I love the way they can make anyone look like a rockstar, superstar, or princess. Gemma (the MAC girl that I see the most) is an absolut perfectionist and my favorite artist. I treat myself at least once a month to a make over... It gives me a chance to try new colours and styles.<br /><br />I also met up with a guy from plenty of fish which turned out to be a huge mistake. HUGE! <br /><br />Last week was a great week at work. I got to work with Nick my electro brother from another mother and we got to hang out in Dortmund at the Chrismas markets, uncle Toms and Happy, Happy, Ding, Dong and even watched some festive movies. I then went to East Mids with the lovely Andy (one of my best of all best friends). <br /><br />Im now on days off and I spent a day with Jonny at Euro Disney. We took the first flight out and the got the last flight back. The parades are beautiful especially the Christmas ones - it is a really magical time. At one stage we were walking along the main street and it started snowing which blew us away. It was amazing how they managed to have it snowing in the street, You would definitely be fooled into thinking it was real. it was truely beautiful, magical and enchanting. Euro disney at Christmas is my new favorite thing! <br /><br />Honesty is a great policy. I am very honest in my blog... but I dont give everything away. Its one thing to be a truthful person but another to spill the beans on personal things that wont change my life. <br /><br />I have a fantstic group of friends but there are very few of my friends that really know me. this doesnt mean that my friendships are false, its just that I only really allow a few people to really get to know me. I don't know why I do this... Some say Im emotionally retarded and some say that I just have alot of trust issues. But I am tired of only ever being half the person that I have the potential to be. I am very rarely my "authentic" self. I spend more time playing the role that people expect me to be...its tiring! <br /><br />My pilgrimage is fast appraoching and it is starting to scare the life out of me. I really need to start planning it but I know if I think to much about it I will back out and get scared. Im a scardy cat when it comes to falling over and dying somewhere between France and Spain! I know something needs to change in my life but im not sure what... I feel like im on a treadmill and I need to walk a road that is going to lead me somewhere. <br /><br />I was told that I am emotionally retarded and that Im cold when it comes to straight men.. this is true and I have alot of barriers up but this is to do with trust and confidence. There are so many people out there that want to flatter you, not because they like you but because of thier own insecurities. They are type of people that dont like to be alone; They fall in love quickly and promise you the world. These are the people that I will never trust. They are very good at making you think they care but Im starting to see through them.<br /><br />Love can be magical but magic is just an illusion. The saddest thing in the world is loving someone that doesnt love you...I should know, Im the queen of unrequited love! I fall in love secretly with people that don't know how I feel. It is not real love and I don't obsess I just put people up on a pedistal let down my barriers with them (there isnt alot of people that I can really be myself with). This has happened to me twice and even though I know I will never have a relationship with them I love them deeply. I suppose I like how they make me feel and I like the fact that they are as fucked up as me.... Ive decided to stop fighting it and beating myself up over it and rellinquish all control... maybe it will help me bring down some of my emotional barriers.<br /><br />My year started really bad and I said in my first blog that I would turn it around and make sure it was the best year ever. I have definitly sucessed and Ive done some amazing things and met some amazing people. Ive definitly lived for now and ejoyed every minuite of every day. We all have history and we all have a future but neither actually exist. I don't plan to much and I try not to dwell... All that matters is whats happening now. Memories are ghosts and my future is just a plan. When you spend all your time looking backwards and forwards its difficult to see whats right here. Alot of people think that my lifestyle is wrong and that I should slow down, grow up and plan for the future... I do avoid all grown up respinsibility but is that so wrong?Mothafuckin Prinesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12086490697840303647noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8838237924882836673.post-17539064895367642862009-11-15T15:58:00.000-08:002009-11-15T17:37:43.511-08:00Love and Hate What A Beautiful Combination<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYbM7oQT8gX-PY8tK17QS7WFOphVFteDKaHyvpQYyFrhXA4nAxIskapfwyxjLz6qUFJQzGREzC3Z6QEkGRF0sWcPeOjo6KJdKwsRd9ll0UsgoK6qn0mnNB3lZUmT3zgatil7zd8GLzlbw/s1600-h/love3.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 213px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYbM7oQT8gX-PY8tK17QS7WFOphVFteDKaHyvpQYyFrhXA4nAxIskapfwyxjLz6qUFJQzGREzC3Z6QEkGRF0sWcPeOjo6KJdKwsRd9ll0UsgoK6qn0mnNB3lZUmT3zgatil7zd8GLzlbw/s320/love3.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5404508012597898162" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgb7_nPYIKhyphenhyphenpfHbcrxJ9iV2VVX6LAX024ifuH-0P8OZFX8QxaEmL6yDa_JUebEVFvTYrY_F7sHBXytea1lwO7lOrHNy5EyuW08DmwnUPUP51tbSU1NE3BOzYBPw1IcKrefmW0t7I9I6XE/s1600-h/love.bmp"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 238px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgb7_nPYIKhyphenhyphenpfHbcrxJ9iV2VVX6LAX024ifuH-0P8OZFX8QxaEmL6yDa_JUebEVFvTYrY_F7sHBXytea1lwO7lOrHNy5EyuW08DmwnUPUP51tbSU1NE3BOzYBPw1IcKrefmW0t7I9I6XE/s320/love.bmp" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5404508011555969826" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxYbVDIfVl93VfyWArgK4S6XYFwQWVCUCa2gASUeTREo_erXzjUcjztQB-hynmeMasVJ3yI6BEQVMrY4GNLkFE1IlPUZrmMHGGd2NFFe6iyXIhiadsOv3S317sDaeFjnyMizaSwM7fWno/s1600-h/love2.bmp"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxYbVDIfVl93VfyWArgK4S6XYFwQWVCUCa2gASUeTREo_erXzjUcjztQB-hynmeMasVJ3yI6BEQVMrY4GNLkFE1IlPUZrmMHGGd2NFFe6iyXIhiadsOv3S317sDaeFjnyMizaSwM7fWno/s320/love2.bmp" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5404508004843217106" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8zKTXLjjj_bZvVRzqwHmqYSmj4SBBrX-lUA_g2DD6hNQkbiu5AyxRliUlZFjICJgzouC_jOUhFHU62li6acixTnP3a5opmEcdDYsq6FC7zjr8PCDTxJ08R6vh6YPVE9SIXGhX-hwEmYM/s1600-h/whitstable9.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8zKTXLjjj_bZvVRzqwHmqYSmj4SBBrX-lUA_g2DD6hNQkbiu5AyxRliUlZFjICJgzouC_jOUhFHU62li6acixTnP3a5opmEcdDYsq6FC7zjr8PCDTxJ08R6vh6YPVE9SIXGhX-hwEmYM/s320/whitstable9.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5404507999125789842" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijPLL-O8CbMr9gFZoXVDaRqq-FZQyqWfrvu3c2jva5O7loxurXwim48KY46aOlsy5H-PFB_ZBZJTiAIzj_45v_OTCxq9k6qAzKV8dimK7axLN2ZHV-gaphkQyqV648NQ5FUOKgmGvfSMo/s1600-h/whitstable10.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 238px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijPLL-O8CbMr9gFZoXVDaRqq-FZQyqWfrvu3c2jva5O7loxurXwim48KY46aOlsy5H-PFB_ZBZJTiAIzj_45v_OTCxq9k6qAzKV8dimK7axLN2ZHV-gaphkQyqV648NQ5FUOKgmGvfSMo/s320/whitstable10.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5404508002713936146" /></a><br />Ive always believed in fate. Ive always believed that love will just happen to me. Two people meet randomly and it just works. I Believe that you will just know when you meet "the one". You meet someone when you least expect it because life is random!<br /><br />Ive been in love before and that is how it always happened. The first time wasn't real grown up love. But it was teenage love, first love "feels alot like love". I was 16 and in the sixth form and it was typical girl meets boy...goes to local nightclub..boy kisses girl..girl falls "in love" with boy...intense 1 maybe 2 year relationship..girl splits up with boy and they both hate each other for a while. I then went off and and worked abroad for three summers in Corfu and Ibiza and stayed away from commitment and boyfriends. I had flings and crushes but stayed single. I never split up with him because I hated him... I was just young and needed to experience life.<br /><br />After my summer in Ibiza I met a guy. I thought it was love and I naively thought it would last forever. It lasted nearly 7 years and if I'm honest it was probably 4 years to long). I did love him and I'm sure he loved me but we certainly wasn't right for each other... we split up and got back together a few times. Couldn't live with him and couldn't live without him. I loved him as a person but there was never any real chemistry - I don't think I ever really realised how important chemistry was. He is now married and I really truly wish him all the best. He is a good guy with a kind soul. He hurt me, I hurt him... but he is one of the nicest people in the world. He just wasn't right for me and luckily he saw that and is now with his "one". <br /><br />I then spent a year single - I genuinely love being single and the last thing I wanted was a new boyfriend. Then BANG! I bolted into a different kind of love. It was a whirlwind and intense relationship. I didn't consciously decided to fall in love with him... It was out of my control! I really thought he was my soul mate (my twin flame). I knew he wasn't perfect but I know that im not perfect. We was equally fucked up and just seemed to get each other and seemed to want the same things etc etc. I loved him intensely and now hate him with a real passion. There is a thin line between love and hate... I only hate two people and they are both people that have damaged me slightly as a person. that relationship lasted less than a year.<br /><br />My point is relationships blossomed in the normality and simplicity of day to day life. You don't plan it - it just happens.<br /><br />People keep telling me that I have to stop going to gay clubs and meet a nice hetro but Im not ready to do that! The gays have made me the person that I am today. I'm a straight girl that lives in a very gay world. I love my gays and my gays love me. Im not willing to turn my back on my life. I love my friends and I still enjoy going out! I know i wont meet my "soul mate" in Flame or Pinks but I also know that I wont meet him in Chicagos, Ethos or a local Weatherspoons (fact). Gays or No gays..they are not my kind of bars/clubs.<br /><br />So where does my "soul mate" hang out? To be honest I'm really not sure. I kind of hope he lives in London or by the sea. Look wise I don't have a type (its all in the eyes!). He has to be emotionally strong. I want someone to look after me. I want to meet the one that will "fix" everything that's wrong and missing in my life. Someone that wants to go on holidays and someone that doesn't take himself or life to seriously. Im holding out for "the one" the one that sets my soul alight! <br /><br />What is a soul mate? I love that way that Paulo Cohelo describes it in Brida; <br /><br />In reincarnation we divide in two. our soul divides as do crystals, stars, cells plants....<br />The process of finding, is the process called "love".<br />We are responsible for encountering at least one in every carnation, the soul mate who is sure to cross our path. Even if its only for a couple of moments because those moments bring with them a love so intense that it justifies the rest of our days... But, we can also allow our soul mate to pass us by without accepting him or her...or even noticing! then we need another incarnation in order to find that soul mate, and because of our selfishness we will be condemned to the worst torture that humankind ever invented for itself... Loneliness :(<br /><br />Paulo Coelho has always been my favorite author. His books often come into my life when most needed. He is also the reason that I'm planning my "Road to Santiago" pilgrimage. <br /><br />This blog update is because I'm feeling a little bit romantic. I don't help my self and the odds of meeting someone really isn't in my favour. But I am OK and I stick with my belief that it WILL just happen.<br /><br />Love is unpredictable. fact!Mothafuckin Prinesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12086490697840303647noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8838237924882836673.post-77089298524435841462009-11-11T19:36:00.000-08:002009-11-12T15:03:17.440-08:00Sometimes Things Will Fall Apart In Order For Other Things To Fall Into Place.<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDYv0r6CjcgMb353kXsqBeU6QaxvkV_1TCxheSA7K-496kOe8TPBUBu2bUkVkKQfLjMzGh_uiz3IhRjtdqUkfE7bc59XNegC7Y26UgcKyPwfHuDUsxHKnBMWwrb88YS4WXDJn9G8kN5xY/s1600-h/pamann.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDYv0r6CjcgMb353kXsqBeU6QaxvkV_1TCxheSA7K-496kOe8TPBUBu2bUkVkKQfLjMzGh_uiz3IhRjtdqUkfE7bc59XNegC7Y26UgcKyPwfHuDUsxHKnBMWwrb88YS4WXDJn9G8kN5xY/s320/pamann.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5403356475322906050" /></a><br />I'm the kind of person that likes to stay up late, doesn't like to go to sleep, but hates getting up & likes to spend the doing nothing. <br /><br />Apparently I have "Delayed sleep phase syndrome". DSPS. <br />Basically this means that I have a different body clock that is out of sync with everyone else’s. There is no known cause of DSPS. It is a disorder of the body's timing system. I have difficulty falling asleep and difficulty waking up. Ive always had this but never know why or what it is. Originally it was diagnosed as insomnia ands was given sleeping tablets. Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome is similar to insomnia in so far as it is not allowing me to sleep at night even if I feel fatigued and ready for sleep. However, unlike insomnia, DSPS will often result in falling asleep later than planned, but at roughly the same time at night (for me its 4 or 5)Therefore, I'm likely to sleep at 5AM even if I go to bed at 11PM or 1PM. Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome is a disorder that does exactly what it says on the tin…it delays your sleep. Its really frustrating and difficult for people to understand. Ive suffered with this for years but now I have a name for it I hope that I will be able to cure it!<br /><br />In my last blog I wrote about being "grown up" but Ive realised that the world is full of people that think that being sensible means that you have to be restrained, authoritative, responsible, cautious and disciplined...This is complete bullshit! Life is for living and when I'm old and on my rocking chair looking back at my life...what will count? Will it really matter how grown up Ive been or will the fun and memories matter more? <br /><br />Belfast was alot of fun! Michael booked tickets for Pam Ann at the Grand Opera house. Pam Ann is a comedienne who basically appeals to two groups of people; Cabin crew and gay men. The show is a mix of bitchy one-liners,observations and cheeky banter and is centred on the creation of a spoof air hostess Pam Ann and we are the passengers on her flight. She slates everyone and no airline is safe! Easyjet are an easy target but observations are so accurate! I loved the jokes about speedy boarding! She knows her stuff!! There was not a hint of political correctness anywhere on board this flight and this high camp humour is definitely not for kids (or the easily offended). Admittedly her material has travelled around the world more than a couple of times in the past few years but it still works... No matter how many times you hear the "Hot steaming Coffee" and "touch the galley" jokes. She is sometimes a one trick pony but I bloody love her! <br /><br />After the show (which went on at least an extra half hour) we headed to a couple of bars then on to Rain. Rain on a Monday is a gay friendly night called "rainbow". We spent most of the night upstairs dancing! I thought it was a fantastic club, with fantastic people and great music! It closed at 3 which is reasonable for a Monday and then we headed to back to our lush apartments on Lisbon Road. We decided to make a few days of it and we booked the apartments for 2 nights... Belfast is an amazing city although Tuesday nights are very much catered for students. Tuesday day time everyone was suffering after over indulging the night before. We decided to head to the Apartment (lovely cocktail bar in the city) for lunch. We had cocktails and food and discussed Sex and the city, Men and various other girlie subjects. I then went for my second MAC appointment of the trip before heading home to get ready for Tuesday sessions. <br /><br />For the second night a few people dropped out last minute so we had no option but to keep on one apartment. This meant we had 6 instead of 4...annoying but we made the most of it and had alot of fun. We had a few cheeky getting ready drinks and one way of describing our night would be; we went to three bars and a club and got in early hours but yet another way of describing the night would be that we only made it into one of the bars and didn't even get a drink in the club. We spent more money on taxi's and every door man said "Its a really young crowd and I'm not sure its what your looking for" We couldn't have felt any older but we did laugh and try to make the most of it. I have never felt old before on a night out but I can honestly say that I will never attend another Tuesday Belfast Student night! <br /><br />Back at work tomorrow and I'm in East Mids for a couple of days. I havent worked out of east mids before but Ive heard its a nice base and very friendly. The hotel looks nice which means swim/sauna then room service. I have my recurrent exams soon so I will probably get an early night and try to study! I hate my exams.. they make me feel physically sick! <br /><br />This year has gone so quickly. It's going be Christmas soon! How scary is that?! 2009 has been a fantastic year and I have done so many fun things. Ive read back on my previous posts and its made me appreciate how much fun I've actually had. Hyde parks winter wonderland is being set up which means Christmas is definitely on its way! I'm not the biggest Fan of Christmas day but I love the build up. I can't wait to wrap up warm, go Christmas shopping, visit some European Christmas Markets, drink hot wine and go ice skating! I was hoping to spend Christmas in Singapore or Thailand but due to an expensive dentist trip I think that is well and truly out of the window. I'm hoping for a Dortmund trip over the Christmas period as I love the Christmas markets. Last year I went to Prague and the previous year Budapest... European Christmas markets really do give you a festive feeling! If you have never been to one I really do recommend it...and if you can't get to a European city head to Hyde park for the Christmas wonderland!! I literally cant wait for the Christmas Wonderland! <br /><br />My house mate has gone home to Norfolk for a few days and had a car accident on the way home. He sounds OK (shaken up but OK) but his car (Linda) sounds like a write off. I am just so pleased that he is OK! It sucks that his car is a mess but you can replace a car... You could never replace Harry! <br />I have a real fear of car accidents and my heart sank when Andrew read me the message.... It could have been so much worse, infaact he sounds very lucky to have come out of it ok! I'm just so glad Harry is safe and well!<br /><br />This time last year I split up with my ex. I can't believe its been a year! It seems like a million years ago. Sometimes things will fall apart in order for other things to fall into place!Mothafuckin Prinesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12086490697840303647noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8838237924882836673.post-43061488045469023702009-11-04T13:19:00.000-08:002009-11-06T17:16:16.900-08:00Terminal Boredom<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEio_NPgrqB9abrdIPyQsVqzAh27wgBLUJX9X8vJXu6EY9ozsnK32Z5AQPYi8mMEPT3QEkDcTUjx887r7gcwVR5HDtkEPRO3mZ49PaPX6Y1QGFWD7MuGLethb4ea-QI_Vi31V0LZSfCHAkI/s1600-h/halloween7.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 228px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEio_NPgrqB9abrdIPyQsVqzAh27wgBLUJX9X8vJXu6EY9ozsnK32Z5AQPYi8mMEPT3QEkDcTUjx887r7gcwVR5HDtkEPRO3mZ49PaPX6Y1QGFWD7MuGLethb4ea-QI_Vi31V0LZSfCHAkI/s320/halloween7.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5400651574040871090" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEia96Jv7fCDgzVf5TKRUze-hNeKDsrfplwoAgMPaihm2xdrYW_WJDFiQzCov-xXiLUJAwv0liHeaPBgAxtEaxl1PPno3WRQoQlAWjryvJVFW6ygZzJQAC1YzsnGpv3oi4JAiaHCGmH8vSc/s1600-h/halloween.jpg"><img style="float:left; 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margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNNsXMyOLY3Kikcb6d8p1g3vmwaND9mtq54eMlh4Gs-YM0ML4_6NL5z_gVlvbgTxWaeCStV4gJrBJkeqAM_b17w186QxAlZDbLlahDP20fZ_by3imvuMRCufkwGlB5YTzLq-DpWe74Mxg/s320/watford.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5400409006689285346" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVHaqHm3B69f6I2fDlM0vqI0fqSOiiywkca7KPWxzCOnmLDdHj75uQKkM_soPaKI0yRdfpAPxkGXsqVw7KEDK2pwMX9Shu9xThZP0cP80GX6jtNRekTqTHNhBcyTNf5g5fYaezUT536iE/s1600-h/watford2.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVHaqHm3B69f6I2fDlM0vqI0fqSOiiywkca7KPWxzCOnmLDdHj75uQKkM_soPaKI0yRdfpAPxkGXsqVw7KEDK2pwMX9Shu9xThZP0cP80GX6jtNRekTqTHNhBcyTNf5g5fYaezUT536iE/s320/watford2.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5400409002405515250" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWHIhVj8B265gAPJMjFweI1Oo_F9GQL2SYaJh0IHWPXDLyyA-GilYSQyd18ZTTHBphHHdIe4tr_0otDzKgdRMTR8y4zQbj8ptG2DUAUyq-9gpyy6TESoyBY58iOtxAiRkPJWekgO9gd2c/s1600-h/watford3.bmp"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 97px; height: 130px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWHIhVj8B265gAPJMjFweI1Oo_F9GQL2SYaJh0IHWPXDLyyA-GilYSQyd18ZTTHBphHHdIe4tr_0otDzKgdRMTR8y4zQbj8ptG2DUAUyq-9gpyy6TESoyBY58iOtxAiRkPJWekgO9gd2c/s320/watford3.bmp" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5400409003247486770" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCIKTvcL1Lt1tPoXpaERMg2F0OGLz7108ZM1dEH65YTAaIzrfIGjlTDOCskdu-It0T2I7JYTeoyuW3YId2JkO94Nuw8iA6Zt8AJlJdxomz_HL48fHiccqIF_cS6mt6Sh83QcP8VEfxraE/s1600-h/watford4.bmp"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 97px; height: 130px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCIKTvcL1Lt1tPoXpaERMg2F0OGLz7108ZM1dEH65YTAaIzrfIGjlTDOCskdu-It0T2I7JYTeoyuW3YId2JkO94Nuw8iA6Zt8AJlJdxomz_HL48fHiccqIF_cS6mt6Sh83QcP8VEfxraE/s320/watford4.bmp" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5400409001252762610" /></a><br />Most people at 30 have kids, they are married and lead responsible lives. They live in family homes that they own, they make actual meals from stratch and have houseplants, nice cars and savings... This could not be any more opposite from me! Boredem seems to scare the life out me. Id rather be alone than to be bored...this is something that I really have to sort out if I ever want to be a real grown up! <br />I just can't imagine meeting anyone, settling down and being a real grown up. Deep down I want this one day but I still have so much that I want to do!! I can't look after myself let alone look after a kid or family... Im a messed up kid trapped in this 30 year old body! <br /><br />Im 30 and do not own a house, Im not married and have no kids...my day will come...right??? Wrong! <br />Not everyone meets the "one" not everyone has kids and not everyone lives happily ever after! Thats not me being pessimistic its fact! How many people get maried and stay happily married? How many people have kids and enjoy every second of every minuite of every day? Do you need all these things to make your life complete? Im not desperate to settle down but I suppose I miss having someone... <br /><br />I joined a dating site and I seriously can not explain how many freaks there are out there! Where are all the normal 30 year old men....do they exist? Im no expert but I actually dont believe that the one for me is out there! <br /><br />I have no savings, no kids and no house plants but I do have fun. The problem is..any decent men out there want to meet a sensible girl. Someone that will one day be a good wife and mother... the kind of men that don't want that arent the type of guy that I want - do you see the pattern?? Who wants a 30 year old fag hag, party girl. Could I be a good wife or mother?<br /><br />Alot of people appear to have the oppisit problem.... Bored and lonely and dont feel like they are living from thier heart but thier head. Debt. Bills. Work. TV.... they moan about thier kids, moan about thier husbands and are lucky if they go on one holiday a year. Im not saying that everyone that is married is misurable but Im saying that meeting your soul mate is very rare and it certainly doesnt happen to everyone!<br />Aparently you dont get everything, right? Wrong! <br />According to various "law of attraction books" we can have everything we want in life..its all about positive thinking - This is great right? Wrong! <br />knowing what you want is alot harder than you would think .. I am a walking conradiction!!! <br /><br />Being single doesnt scare me but being old (not just 30 but old) and alone really does scare me! Dont get me wrong, Id never be with someone for the sake of not being alone... feeling "alone" in a relatrionship is possibly the lonliest thing in the world! Ive had my fair share of groan-worthy relationships and I figure its better to be single and happy than stuck in a rut with a dud.<br /><br />October has been alot of fun. We have had some fun nights out and have spent alot of time with my nephew..this is something that ALWAYS makes me happy. We've been to the cinema and feed the animals at the local farm (alot more fun than you might think). Halloween was alot of fun..this year I rocked the corpse bride outfit and had alot of fun buying and making up the costume! I went to three house parties and two clubs over halloween. Watford was a great night for Amy's leaving/bday night and I had a fabulous nightstop with Jonny and Katie (we found the best club with the fittest men). Lee's birthday was fun (although I missed out on the club as I was babysitting my number one boy). Next week Im off to Belfast for a few days and I am really hoping that i get some sun at somepoint in November...tenerife anyone???<br /><br />One of my best friends has left my life... I suppose Im still grieving for him. he hasnt died nor have we fallen out. He has mearly met a girl, fallen in love and forgotten all about me. <br />The thing is...he was someone that I text EVERYDAY and the only person that I tell EVRYTHING to. When he first met her i knew instantly that this girl was the one for him and I am genuinly happy for him. He deserves to be happy and I really think that she is his "one". But I miss having his texts and daily updates... I miss my therapy and his advice. I miss having him make me laugh and I miss having someone to take the piss out of. He has been there everyday for at least three years and I miss him deeply. I refuse to text him and message him cos I figure this will probably annoy his girlfriend. I understand this... I wouldnt want my bf (if i had one) texting a random girl everyday. I understand this and don't blame him for it.... But I so miss him. Infact i think Ive grieved more for this friendshp than I have for any exboyfriend! I really hope she is the one... He is my best friend, the person that understands me better than anyone and the person that truely deserve to be happy! <br /><br />A few months back I half heartlidly joined a dating site...plenty of fish. I set up a profile and sat back waiting for people to message me. I got plenty of messages but none that made me think..."wow, I really have to meet up with this guy". My main problem is that I believe that when you meet someone it will just work... after 3 or 4 messages I get bored. It doesnt help that since putting on weight and having a horrible ex that put down my looks all the time.. I have very little confidence. On the outside I come across as confident but deep down I have zero in either myself or men. But basically none of this matters when you meet the right person. When you first meet the chemistry is just there, conversations last for hours and feel like just a few minutes, you just click cannot find anything wrong with the other person, there is no awkward shyness. You just know....that the sex is going to be great! When two people are on the same page....You just know it. How the fuck can you find that out on a dating website? There have been plenty of guys that I have chatted to on MSN that seem cool but there has only been one that I have (genuinly) liked. This lasted a week! I didnt even meet up with him! <br />Can you meet the one online? I very much doubt it. I'll try and keep an open mind and I havent closed my account even if they are honest and send a recent picture of themselves, you both might not feel the same chemistry when you meet up in real life as you had talking online. <br /> <br />I should be on earlies today but im off sick with awful toothache. I am £350 poorer after a trip to the dentist which i remember absolutly nothing about as I was sedated. My mouth hurts, I can't work and I have a million things going around my head. I hate not working, I hate having to much time to think and I especially hate trashy tv...although I am currently engrossed with dating in the dark (I blame the mediaction). <br /><br />Growing old is inevitable ... Growing up is optional!Mothafuckin Prinesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12086490697840303647noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8838237924882836673.post-35580558340870660752009-10-05T19:22:00.000-07:002009-11-06T17:35:11.879-08:00I'm just a fucked up girl looking for my own piece of mind.<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgV8458Dnknu0f1udtS8eJ_sp-PXdIc2kgb948agVoGhRW_-26up7MmFjJZQiNhnT_zRbgKty6gaukA4l0mBbyHa7ITdGpt4tHjZHDScZ2Ff8FnnB8QX6MvRIlG6gE1CK_EsYsm-8lc2Tw/s1600-h/farrah2.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 239px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgV8458Dnknu0f1udtS8eJ_sp-PXdIc2kgb948agVoGhRW_-26up7MmFjJZQiNhnT_zRbgKty6gaukA4l0mBbyHa7ITdGpt4tHjZHDScZ2Ff8FnnB8QX6MvRIlG6gE1CK_EsYsm-8lc2Tw/s320/farrah2.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5395179321127710802" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXQUF-uHAKKPHzbIla3Vhmk7fXDlHCcZC8D13JEinFxCQhHpnk_ZRrqrcEEiMNdrXj5HLO9uaxA9YndK7KevIOjK7RXrPO3KUxPH2ucDOoRcE7cQz-y1Ge7iZae2uHOS-331kKQpyVQ3Q/s1600-h/farrah.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 239px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXQUF-uHAKKPHzbIla3Vhmk7fXDlHCcZC8D13JEinFxCQhHpnk_ZRrqrcEEiMNdrXj5HLO9uaxA9YndK7KevIOjK7RXrPO3KUxPH2ucDOoRcE7cQz-y1Ge7iZae2uHOS-331kKQpyVQ3Q/s320/farrah.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5395179312963562642" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxj-3g7Rfvry2yirw92DQ3OI3M8GHaL4P5___T7jRLyqgMJAo9wdvB4GG52vp7KK0S7ONRcs5MkswlvDVW9FtiCMRg-QoABEti6Y96K3652qfGFWj4pd4ZhOHk1VRQTcRj3wJP5eowDAs/s1600-h/steve.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 239px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxj-3g7Rfvry2yirw92DQ3OI3M8GHaL4P5___T7jRLyqgMJAo9wdvB4GG52vp7KK0S7ONRcs5MkswlvDVW9FtiCMRg-QoABEti6Y96K3652qfGFWj4pd4ZhOHk1VRQTcRj3wJP5eowDAs/s320/steve.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5395178589064897762" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibGCczITb_uj44VXuCV22OBDp0aQ0wGezOgtwfTP9NqPtAw55Hl91VVCigxEtEMUUHgIE7VsTTbCp7i44YDSGYAB2celemnCgRgV3QBiitoGHtbu-dYZJmlCnKU5RCOn-MmHvJL_7FXDQ/s1600-h/euro2.jpg"><img style="float:left; 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margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdagsTrtzaQ2cn1zGJMA5XrkWnkGB6hlQoFwZToz96IhzsQqJ654MR4xSaZs2nI4BOMnNWL18fTJo4ieppiabufeTaQoPr8ingiFFiKcKxTjBWBbWwZdqwUJe8c2xFnbIVjnjvGew9sbs/s320/aaaaaa.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5391834770161848082" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8zqRMLruLjllvW33nXQFZEsPNckX_IN3TDvuCok5gxi_LPmB_At2DIBlfSUfZL8I1MHkseHSW5-e1ELBqy4wmDAi_2cuUK2SP4JX_HU1PhGCxD1jA4Gi9aSFX8i36y6W2XKXUipRErpE/s1600-h/aaa.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 130px; height: 106px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8zqRMLruLjllvW33nXQFZEsPNckX_IN3TDvuCok5gxi_LPmB_At2DIBlfSUfZL8I1MHkseHSW5-e1ELBqy4wmDAi_2cuUK2SP4JX_HU1PhGCxD1jA4Gi9aSFX8i36y6W2XKXUipRErpE/s320/aaa.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5391834652450499330" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibY7RprfwFHutEc_uqdVgC_IK0wXbI-3Yn6I6_NQmDVsw8KRi79cNAcr9m9qwQeKwhOKE2PrV3wAqqLVTlCuMae5igKTOz3cQHzxk4nXrPMKaVHcGKzzxTdEt31468VsUv8_-vReoQLJg/s1600-h/aaaaaaaaaaa.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibY7RprfwFHutEc_uqdVgC_IK0wXbI-3Yn6I6_NQmDVsw8KRi79cNAcr9m9qwQeKwhOKE2PrV3wAqqLVTlCuMae5igKTOz3cQHzxk4nXrPMKaVHcGKzzxTdEt31468VsUv8_-vReoQLJg/s320/aaaaaaaaaaa.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5391834649630510962" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmvmyk6SqkmdeZNv8ifDer7Ypd7DjxqODKlA8NhyphenhyphenCA43q7fdAGf7io9XmECTtIP-pvvZgnmSu3aIAD1dZI-DaY3EtSFS1nWUhJYJIDBLuGY7oJ6f2RmxXhCamlkN7W_Uw4zFZcOHSqZyM/s1600-h/aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmvmyk6SqkmdeZNv8ifDer7Ypd7DjxqODKlA8NhyphenhyphenCA43q7fdAGf7io9XmECTtIP-pvvZgnmSu3aIAD1dZI-DaY3EtSFS1nWUhJYJIDBLuGY7oJ6f2RmxXhCamlkN7W_Uw4zFZcOHSqZyM/s320/aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5391834640195400722" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6nA5B_ljBn8gi6fCnAmo1pY2LgVobpyXXbwKah2Pl2tEYBv5K2Qqn9q8IAvo3d_4AoLyhyphenhyphenkU1zvJ0l_Q4z5i6eGQca6tFmc_IdhdkooYs020V58bzP9DiVB9BZUtucFGjcRnP97r9boQ/s1600-h/aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.bmp"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6nA5B_ljBn8gi6fCnAmo1pY2LgVobpyXXbwKah2Pl2tEYBv5K2Qqn9q8IAvo3d_4AoLyhyphenhyphenkU1zvJ0l_Q4z5i6eGQca6tFmc_IdhdkooYs020V58bzP9DiVB9BZUtucFGjcRnP97r9boQ/s320/aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.bmp" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5391834628416726050" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjv6Lq78mZm_l5vfyBQpz3tw840_sbLidDiyZ4-F0QtXt_9skhjCTm0bIHLvpB8hmpg4O85DXSE72qVNioxQr7xa9ZiXLf4bIDrCm42wiGSgD8H9egPF3WiKZgHbzSlhfpv53ixGIwx0o/s1600-h/aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjv6Lq78mZm_l5vfyBQpz3tw840_sbLidDiyZ4-F0QtXt_9skhjCTm0bIHLvpB8hmpg4O85DXSE72qVNioxQr7xa9ZiXLf4bIDrCm42wiGSgD8H9egPF3WiKZgHbzSlhfpv53ixGIwx0o/s320/aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5391834620097972322" /></a><br />I havent updated for a while mainly because life has been hectic. On one hand its been one of the most amzing summers ever (the only summer that can compare is 1998) but what goes up has to come down and after spending the last 16 hours in my bedroom I have decided to try and write and get out of this little grump bubble. Im in a very dark place at the moment. Lots of memories churning round. I hate this feeling but I know it will pass soon....<br /><br />August and September have been really busy and Ive done lots of fun things. August started with Michaels Belfast birthday bonanza. We got the early flight to Belfast, rented some stunning apartments and got totally wrecked in some of Michaels local bars and clubs...fantstic trip with fantastic people. <br /><br />I then went back to work for 6 days before heading to V festival. I went to the Stafford Weston one(the lucky leg where Oasis preformed) with Farrah and various people from my home town Hemel. Looking back on it now V festival is a total blur but I did have an amazing time and Im looking forward to V festival 2010! We camped in gold, managed to piss off the people around us, danced to some wicked music, met some great people and saw what could be Oasis's last gig?! We started Friday – a day before the bands – the festival offer the chance for settling, drinking and loving to begin.... But it was never going to be that simple! What a mission! We walked for hours and I mean hours trying to find our fellow hemelites in the dark with all our bags/beer and supplies. We finally arrived and my tent was broken (Im not joking) so we basically found a tent that was half put up and tried to get some sleep...I can honestly say that I have never been so cold in my whole life! Luckily the rest of the weekend got better although I didnt get to see half the bands that I wanted and I got sunstroke - good times :) Farrah met a top guy who is ginger and in the para's. Watching him have his nipple pierced by a badge then ripped out during Oasis actually made me sick in my mouth but bloody hillarious. <br /><br />I then went back to work for a few days before heading to Manchester for bank holiday weekend and Manchester's GAYPRIDE! Utter carnage! <br />I went up with Jez and met up with Tim, James, Richard and the lovely Hus. Tim booked some gorgeous apartments near Canal Street and we partyed for two days. The rain was a pain so a majority of our time was spent dancing in Cruz 101 where I got to catch up with the lovely David Rodwell and his BA friends. I made the mistake of eating dirty burgers which gave me some serious food poising on the way home...not good! But a fabulous weekend with fabulous people. <br /><br />I then went back to work for a few days before heading to Euro Disney for Harry and Jonnys birthdays....I LOVE EURO DISNEY! FACT! <br />I had never been before but I totally fell in love with the place. Its completly enchanting and magical. I even eneded up buying a yearly pass so I can go back when ever I want! The first ride we went on was The Crush Coaster followed by the Tower of Terror...The detail that goes into the rides completly blew me away and I can't wait to take my nephew there at Christams! <br /><br />I then went back to work for a few days before heading to Alicante with my Mum to visit my aunt Ev with some of my mums mates. It gave me the opportunity to catch up with my friend Zander and get some spanish sunshine. The urbanisation is very quite but does have a bar... it always ends up quite messy!! <br />Our next days off we decided to get everyone together in MK - Satur-GAY. We did our usual night in the campanile and danced til 5am. We hadnt all got together in MK for a long long time. Fantastic night as always.<br />Inbetween all this there have been days out in london, lots of nights out in Flame, day time pub sessions in Brookes, a trip to the spiritualist...and ive even got into the X Factor (No shame in that). <br /><br />As I said earlier I am in my dark place at the moment. I don't know why or whats making me feel sad. When I get like this I hide myself away for a few days and sleep. Im horrible company so avoid all adult chit chat and wait for the dark mist to lift. I went to bed for 16 hours...obviously I know thats no healthy and I wish I wasnt like that. I am happy 95 per cent of the time. I keep my self busy and thats probably my problem. The min I slow down I everything hits and instead of dealing with things or thinking my head churns and I sleep.<br />I have a really bad relationship with sleep. I either dont sleep at all OR I sleep for hours. The other problem I have is not talking about my issues. Evendently I have no problem with put myself out there on line and writing it down but never sit down and talk about my stuff. <br />Sometimes I feel like im alone but not lonely. Other times I feel like Im not alone but utterly lonely... I know that makes no sense but thats how I feel. I cry randomly, feel alone, and get pissed off easily. I dont know what it is, I have no idea what's causing it. its pretty frustrating. I go to bed pissed off, I wake up pissed off, and I try to think as little as possible to keep my self manageable. I hate been awake in the daytime and I want to sleep and never wake up. there is nothing wrong with my life infact I have a good life. but im miserable all the same. As i said before..Im ok 95 per cent of the time, i just get these slumps every now and then. <br /><br />Everyone's at work so Im having a duvet evening with the Hills, curry and blog. Writting is a good way of releasing my anger but I think I need to do something physical.. I really need to hit the gym! Apparently depressed people have the best grasp on reality... I dont actually think Im depressed, I just think i slow down and recognize reality (relaity sucks). Im a rollercaoseter ride of emotions today. But I know that this time next week I 'll feel alot better. FACT :)Mothafuckin Prinesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12086490697840303647noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8838237924882836673.post-75997738702449819522009-08-04T15:50:00.000-07:002009-11-06T17:39:45.378-08:00Fabulously British<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgA3AChAmoiakffTwOp8s02BVmPfhatcl7jeAhbNcEFQqe8KifSikIbVWIKIgql6TjxSnthy5qWtdGY7knNoWr0wgWjiYdx-4Fn-UsoLtH5Ng4dJB3XNCQ8J15YRwC12KsZW-aLql8Zumc/s1600-h/scratby5.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 244px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgA3AChAmoiakffTwOp8s02BVmPfhatcl7jeAhbNcEFQqe8KifSikIbVWIKIgql6TjxSnthy5qWtdGY7knNoWr0wgWjiYdx-4Fn-UsoLtH5Ng4dJB3XNCQ8J15YRwC12KsZW-aLql8Zumc/s320/scratby5.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5366257291861721922" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeTpgeIwmyYvI8gF8cx5MkN538fe4B5xVKaDQT_V4E7ie1UGhJXkwDKDkJ6cyhoBczMx7-IorRQX7hP_bo_gAiUUOu6-qww1qq3RN8wnupGrk_4YUdhjxDChl8lb4a3A-95yXWVeyE_tw/s1600-h/scratby4.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeTpgeIwmyYvI8gF8cx5MkN538fe4B5xVKaDQT_V4E7ie1UGhJXkwDKDkJ6cyhoBczMx7-IorRQX7hP_bo_gAiUUOu6-qww1qq3RN8wnupGrk_4YUdhjxDChl8lb4a3A-95yXWVeyE_tw/s320/scratby4.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5366256957113098722" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCWEHMndQbc5rKnlYuYthVmqfUtMOkgOHsJZhcTeYXi-nny69fLT_O6ppB6opTtMevkx8KnqG3IwBfbzcXxVVroXkV4KPiOMZ4g9JGKpmsbajibIPLayS6nToCO5igw6jIscgwku8Q2Tk/s1600-h/scratby3.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCWEHMndQbc5rKnlYuYthVmqfUtMOkgOHsJZhcTeYXi-nny69fLT_O6ppB6opTtMevkx8KnqG3IwBfbzcXxVVroXkV4KPiOMZ4g9JGKpmsbajibIPLayS6nToCO5igw6jIscgwku8Q2Tk/s320/scratby3.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5366256951600357394" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgW8N3FzsCRsmgTxxpnlU60v6cx_SehO0yAJfzWDl_Eldv3UGlJyEDxw8-2wmJE_SYSBJBvG-0WuYIjRyIF73hfAJaDtVCibqDwDOOhFgpwPz7eEKj2DV3ZwG-xCoTSED9WeawG6F1X57I/s1600-h/scratby2.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgW8N3FzsCRsmgTxxpnlU60v6cx_SehO0yAJfzWDl_Eldv3UGlJyEDxw8-2wmJE_SYSBJBvG-0WuYIjRyIF73hfAJaDtVCibqDwDOOhFgpwPz7eEKj2DV3ZwG-xCoTSED9WeawG6F1X57I/s320/scratby2.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5366256948871571890" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzCdd-caMma6A2VQJFUDTmd1KHtHXo1hxRGCH5juQLtO6i6qH8kJyNX7j1wkAFCDXlxQ1_3CxyzLrDId_Odja8MuBgykUeWR5aIkiic5RkLTEyrx-ZK2jfbBQmwG7lFUsJOZ1O0wxs2h4/s1600-h/scratby1.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzCdd-caMma6A2VQJFUDTmd1KHtHXo1hxRGCH5juQLtO6i6qH8kJyNX7j1wkAFCDXlxQ1_3CxyzLrDId_Odja8MuBgykUeWR5aIkiic5RkLTEyrx-ZK2jfbBQmwG7lFUsJOZ1O0wxs2h4/s320/scratby1.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5366256947249134146" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgc3sJqBMW581wQl2_iLtu5xrZEtu_n3pg5dD2BvWgvJdatYRU4AkVxor_nZD1MX9zq15zxK0PTknsk1vS75xk8Hpc7n7pPZCes1-Cazn3AZfXIY-7NVarovgD-TdXWK2TbPsM-VCts1Dc/s1600-h/scartby.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 312px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgc3sJqBMW581wQl2_iLtu5xrZEtu_n3pg5dD2BvWgvJdatYRU4AkVxor_nZD1MX9zq15zxK0PTknsk1vS75xk8Hpc7n7pPZCes1-Cazn3AZfXIY-7NVarovgD-TdXWK2TbPsM-VCts1Dc/s320/scartby.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5366256946579753042" /></a><br /><br />Orange Wednesdays have now been changed to Orange Thursdays. The last Thursday of the month I am organising a crew night in Flame. Its not as easy as you may think to get everyone together but I am commited to making it work. Julys Orange Thursday was actually alot of fun. I didnt finish work til 11pm but I did a quick turn around at home, put on a dress, put on some lip gloss and arrived at Flame. I ordered a round of drinks which included a double vodka redbull and RJ made me down three shots of tequilla Rose... so I got in the swing of things quite quickly! It was a really good night and I hope this months one will be as good! <br /><br />Sunday was my last working day and I was despretly hoping I wouldnt get called so we could start out camping adventure early. Unfortunatly crewing had other ideas and clearly wanted to ruin our fun and called me in for an Amsterdam and back. This was annoying but Janice and Jonny didn't let a little detail like this bring us down. We jumped in the car and headed to St Albans were we purchased some fablously british Jack Wills clothes then onto Millets for sleeping bags. We called Farrah and asked her if she would be up for a midnight trip to Norfolk so she could be there early doors to see Joseph (her son who she was missing massivly). She agreed so we then had a plan...what could possibly go wrong?<br /><br />Firstly I got to work and the plane went tech which delayed us...not a good start. Lucikly it wasnt to bad and I was home for midnight. We had a mix cd that Jonny compiled as its always important to have a holiday soundtrack. We had a crate of beer, new hoodie and tent but we DIDNT HAVE a tom tom, road map, camping reservation or any sense of direction.<br />We got diverted and eneded up in Baldock TWICE. <br />On the A11 there was someone (or something) behind us. They kept flashing. We slowed down, they slowed down. We went faster, they went faster but always flashing. They turned out thier lights so it looked like they kept vanishing. It was really freaky! Suddenly they overtook. It was lots of men in a white transit. Have you seen the movie Hush? We was sooo scared. The roads arent well lit and during the whole journey we only saw ablout 4 cars. Im a scardy cat when it comes to men trying to reinact HUSH. We managed to lose them but during this time we also managed to go completly the wrong way and we ended up in Ipswich. <br /><br />We finally arrived in Scratby (Nr Yarmouth) about 3am. I remembered a campsite on the cliff tops and managed to direct Jonny. We stopped at the toliet block and managed to scare ourselves...or should I say Jonny successfully managed to scare Janice and Farrah...his karma was then falling over (Classic moment and absolutly hilarious). We tried to find a reception or manager so we could book and pay but there was no one about (probably due to the fact that it was 3am). We decided to find a pitch on the cliff top and try and sneak on. We must have woke the full campsite on arrival. Jonny was driving around in circles, full beam shining into the tents and the only tourch that we had was the loudest wind up tourch... it is pratically impossible to be quiet when you are trying to be unnoticeable. I aint going to lie.. i really didnt think Jonny would be able to put up the tent and I especially didnt think he would be able to put it up in the dark. I already knew that both Farrah and i would be utterly useless at this. I find it difficult to read instuctions and follow instructions. I can read and I am not stupid but my brain just stops working when it comes to stuff like this. I love camping but absolutly hate the beginning bit of putting up the tent...I have no idea how Farrah and I will cope at V Festival. Anyway...Jonny did put it up and he did this practically on his own. Tent was up by 5am and we all wrapped up warm and got in our sleeping bags. We then realised we was mega hot, stripped off and finally fell asleep....we woke up 2 hours later and went for a fry up. I had a full english to start off our fabulously british adventure. <br /><br />My childhood holidays were mainly spent in Scratby and Hemsby. They are both traditional seaside holiday destinations. Traditional British seaside holidays are less understood by younger generations. Easyjet and other low cost airtravel have lured families out of the UK in search of affordable sunshine vacations. I honestly believe that england is one of the best palces in the world but unfortunatly you can never garentee the weather... this puts alot of people off. Nowadays you can get to Spain for the same cost - you can see the attraction! But there is something fabulous about the british seaside and I dont think I ever truely appreciated it until this weekend. <br /><br />My young nephew had an accident and knocked his teeth which required an emergancy trip to the dentist so Jonny and I walked to Hemsby along the cliff tops and had a few cheeky drinks in the Lancon Arms and waited for my house mates Andrew and Harry to arrive. <br /><br />Ive always thought of Hemsby as a dirty chavvy ghetto resort that "time forgot" (its not really changed since I was a kid). But we sat back and really appreciated the old-fashioned values of fun, friendliness and fish & chips. Combind with arcades, buckets and spades, wind breakers and shops full of tat.... the brittish seaside is still alive (just). I sat back and people watched (ok Hemsby IS very chavvy and ghetto) but I really had a lovely afternoon and got really nostalgic. I had some fantastic holidays in Scratby and Hemsby and have some wonderful memories. <br />The boys arrived and we had a couple more drinks before the ridiclous amounts of hornets, wasps and ladybirds got too much. Even as a kid I remember there being hundreds of hornets and ladybirds and this summer is no diffrent. Ladybirds seem to love Norfolk and I have no idea why this is. <br /><br />We walked up Beach Road and spent a silly amount of money on the arcades. Joseph (my nephew) really did hurt himself so we did our best to win him teddy bears. There was a machine that had a teddy "Mater" from Disneys Cars... I must have put in at least £20 and god knows how much Andrew put in. Once I realised that it was impossible I moved on to the peppa Pig machine and continued the pattern untill I run out of pound coins. <br />we then got a call saying Joseph was ok and we headed to my mums holiday chalet in Scratby. Andrew and Harry wouldnt camp. they were to camp to camp! Andrew said that he didnt like the flying creatures so we got them a chalet on the same site as my mums (infact it was on the same sqaure). It was cheap and was ideally located. Although the decor left alot to be disired! My mums chalet is modern and tastfully decorated but this chalet was similar to alot of the other chalets in the area. They are badly decorated and full of 70's furniture..... retro but not in a good way.<br /><br />My mums chalet is on Beach Road chalet park. The chalets are set out in squares which is great for the children as they can play outside and make friends with the other children. There is an outdoor pool and membership into the Oasis "clubhouse" on the California Sands park-just a 5 minute walk away (if you like that kinda thing). <br /><br />Mum and Ron put up the windbreakers and cooked us lots of lovely BBQ. We sat outside til about 11 drinking, talking and laughing. It got cold so Jonny and I borrowed PJ bottoms and socks from my sister and Harry and did the walk home looking absoltly ridiclous. We got into the tent and fell asleep more or less straight away. I woke up once and could hear that it was raining. I love the sound of rain on the tent when im drifting of to sleep. Its actually one of my favorite sounds. Obviously I don't like it to be raining in the day time...wet, cold, damp, soggy camping would suck and be no fun Brrrrrrrrr! Luckily the daytimes were sunny and warm! Jonny and I actaually slept the best as we got woken up in the morning by everyone else... I had one of my best sleeps in ages! <br /><br />Joseph was still in pain and had a swollen face so we said we would take him to the funfair. We all got in the car and headed to Great Yarmouth. <br />Great Yarmouth is basically Blackpool for southerners. Its full of poundlands, souvanier shops and amuesment arcades. It has a nice beach but has a terrible funfair. Pleasure beach is one of the worst funfairs ever and really should take a few tips from Blackpool(Blackpool has a fantstic modern fair). From 2011 Yarmouth intends to take passengers to and from Holland and works is currently being undergone on a new outer harbor. Yarmouth really does need some investment and some modernisation. I used to love Yarmouth and Im not sure if im looking back with rose tinted glasses but its heart breaking to see how ugly, dirty and run down the place has got. Hesmby and Scratby have charm but Great Yarmouth itself is horrible. We made the most of it and brought some tokens for the fair and sent a good few hours on the rides before heading back to Scratby to pick up our tent and have a final holiday drink. <br />I said in a previous post that I want to live by the sea. When I wrote that post I was refering to a town like Whitstable and not Yarmouth. I would not like to live there but I have had a fantstaic time and really wish we could have spent longer there. I will try and get back there later in the year and if not this year I will go back next year and spend a few days there. My mum was thinking about selling her chalet and I want bothered by this but I have now changed my mind and hope they keep it! <br /><br />In the current climate and with the nation going through the credit crunch I really do believe that there is still a place for the traditional seaside resorts. People have simply forgotten about how much charm these places have got. Places like Scratby and Hemsby are great locations and have wonderful beaches. The chalets are fantastic value. The main problem is alot of them are cheap looking and shabby. In this day and age it really doesnt cost alot to modernise a chalet. Pontins is now deserted and empty which is a bad sign but hopefully one of the other companys will buy it.Mothafuckin Prinesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12086490697840303647noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8838237924882836673.post-7677474917008913092009-07-19T15:18:00.000-07:002009-07-29T17:11:23.556-07:00Charabanc To The South Of France and the Road To Santiago.<A href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4i5C9Psk6afCUlFcHijggn_POvHCvPQDVUCjma8wINbPqmsTComw0gdk9QykiDD9wGVyFPSaS3sq9H0czcNfnK2OoJIXKXUaMxBxl1N2fl_tTSYujaDcGTtNwOSb5nF5O-krwCe-FtAQ/s1600-h/joseph.jpg"><IMG id=BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5363944462285135602 style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 320px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 240px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4i5C9Psk6afCUlFcHijggn_POvHCvPQDVUCjma8wINbPqmsTComw0gdk9QykiDD9wGVyFPSaS3sq9H0czcNfnK2OoJIXKXUaMxBxl1N2fl_tTSYujaDcGTtNwOSb5nF5O-krwCe-FtAQ/s320/joseph.jpg" border=0></A> After my last day trip to France I decided that I would go again three days later with my Mum. My mum has said for the last few years that she wanted to do a day trip to the south of France and have lunch by the sea...being the good daughter that I am I decided to book it up but it didn't go quite to plan! For some reason we didnt check in on line (If I don't have bags to check in I always check in online). We arrived at LTN airport and all thier systems had gone down and this resulted in complet chaos at the airport. Our flight was due to go at 7am and at 10am they hadnt even started to check people in. Due to the fact that we was only going for a day trip we deciided to rescheduel for the following week and head to Brighton for the day. This would have been great exept the fact that we was clearly dressed for the beach and Brighton's weather was a little chilly! We headed to the Marina for a couple of drinks then got the bus back to town so I could buy a hoodie. We found a Jack Wills and I purchased a hoodie then we headed to the seafront for a couple of pints of beer...lovely! it wasn't how we planned our day but we made the most of it! The thing is, whenever me and my mum plan anything...something ALWAYS happens. She blames me and I blame her..its just the way it is :) <br /><br />I then had a pretty busy week at work. It started off quiet with a week of standbys but ended up mad busy _ I suppose I shouldnt complain as there are alot of people out there out of work. But I was happy when my working week finished and day one off was spent with my mum in the south of france. I didnt really get alot of sleep the night before but managed to get up and make it to the airport in time. We had a fantastic and relaxing day in Nice. We had a lovely lunch on the beach and then spent the afternoon swimming/sunbathing and reading. The whole day stayed incident free which is a first for us...maybe the curse has been lifted! I then headed over to Hemel and I spent a great weekend with my nephew Jospeh. The weather was pretty rubbish all weekend so I decided to take him to the cinema. We brought the biggest ever bag of popcorn and a huge bag of sweets and watched ice age 3. Neither of us had seen ice age 1 or 2 so I wasnt sure if it was a good idea but the movie was really good and we both had a great time! The following day was spent in Hemel as Farrah was ill so Janice and Joespeh spent the day playing with cars, making car parks out of building blocks and watching Bolt (which actually made me cry...Im a little hormonal at the moment). <br /><br />I then went back to work and spent most of my week in Dortmund. I havent had a night stop in ages then I was rostered two trips back to back. I had good crew and even though I wasnt feeling 100% I still had a couple of cheeky cocktails in uncle Toms. My weekend off was supposed to be spent in Sitges. We had planned this trip for ages and I was really looking forward to it but staff travel never became available. We didnt bother booking anything else up as we all had out hearts set on Sitges. I wasnt feeling great so a weekend at home was probably for the best. Farrah (my sister) had some trouble from an emotionally retarded fuckwit and was really upset by his cuntish behaviour! it turns out that everything happens for a reason and instead of going away Farrah and Joseph came over to mine for the weekend. I spent a weekend alcohol free which meant hangover free. We took Jospeh to the park, on the bouncy castle, to nandos, fed the ducks, we went to the cinema, we brought movies and had a trip to the disney store so Joseph could add to his collection of cars. we stayed in and watched movies and when Joesph went to bed we got take out and watched a Haunting in Conneticut! I havent had a weekend in for ages and I really enjoyed it. <br /><br />Farrah and Joesph went back to Hemel on Monday and Harry and I headed to Thorpe Park so we could go on Saw and Stelth. Both Harry and I woke up feeling really ill so we didnt even make it to the Thorpe park til after midday. We still had alot of fun and spent the day scaring ourselves stupid. No matter how ill we felt I still had a great day and I was so glad we made the effort to go. I have however felt absolutly rotten ever since! I really was worried that I had the onset of swine flu as everyone around me seems to be coming down with it but I now seem to be over the worst. it wasnt swine flu but it was a horrid cold that has kept me confined to my bedroom for the past couple of days....Thankgod for MSN, twitter and facebook! <br /><br />I have decided to try and take a months unpaid leave and do the 800km pilgramige "the road to Satiago" also known as "The Camino de Santiago" There is no real reason behind it...Its just something that I feel that I need to do. I suppose I need to find out if Im capable of becoming myself again as I seem to have lost my way a bit. Im not unhappy or depressed but I do feel that I need to do it. Im not setting out on a spiritual or religious journey its just a personl thing. If I get the time off then I will take one month unpaid leave and a further two weeks paid leave... Im hoping 6 weeks will be enough time to do it. I am lazy and I am unfit. I am a self confessed quitter and I know that no one thinks i'll actually do it - with the exeption of the Jew (David). I think that the Jew thinks i'll do it and I think he has faith in me. My friendship with the jew is strange becasuse in someways he knows me better than anyone and in other ways he hardly knows me at all. Its going to be tough physically and mentally but I honestly believe that if I can last the first week then I will make it to the end. I am happy in my life but Im not satisfied. I dont really know what I want from life and what im looking for. Sometimes I believe in fate and think that things will work themselves out, other times I think that you have to get off you ass and look for what you want. I need to give up the ghosts of my past once and for all and move on. I dont sit down and dwell on my past. I never have done this and never will but it doesnt mean that the past doesnt leave scars. By not dwelling doesnt mean that my attitude is healthy because I never really deal with past situations. I suppose Im scared of slowing down and falling into a deep depression that I may never recover from. I dont regret anything in my life and I believe that every experiance has made me the person that I am today. But there are scars and maybe this is my way of dealing with them. im aware that this sounds very "new age" but its far from it. I am 30 and have no responsibiltys, no kids, no mortgage. Work have said we can apply for unpaid leave so I figure this is the ideal opportunity to do something amazing! Quite frankly, all the people that have no faith in me can fuck off. Maybe it will be too tough and maybe I will end up quitting but I know that I want to give it my best shot! I haven't made any plans and the more Im reading about the the more worried I am about it. I know its going to be the toughest thing I have ever done but I honestly feel that its something that I need to do.Mothafuckin Prinesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12086490697840303647noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8838237924882836673.post-9946671649220367422009-06-26T09:17:00.000-07:002009-06-26T10:41:48.203-07:00I Wish I Lived By the Sea<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMwy0QBK0yYSafXcVSzIzPjCW0Wfz6ZM88Dm1ivMQO2ZiEPvLtHeOBFdtYvVm5AQi7I1X-Q4A6I8CtM_sRM1rfpfjxpO6c5oVSEuVCMv8fOoSFYSkZCiQkReVTSW7wKN4ZhGYeTnEQby4/s1600-h/whitstable13.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 216px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMwy0QBK0yYSafXcVSzIzPjCW0Wfz6ZM88Dm1ivMQO2ZiEPvLtHeOBFdtYvVm5AQi7I1X-Q4A6I8CtM_sRM1rfpfjxpO6c5oVSEuVCMv8fOoSFYSkZCiQkReVTSW7wKN4ZhGYeTnEQby4/s320/whitstable13.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5351692842786627346" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizXCpRPrGNrIKbmm8cwB2RljFmapzOjxZ6ObcTxMH_oQeQ67u8vhMqz0HE7Y5elV_Coy79PIH5C8pTVmoHU0Vj0qHOOlMMVme8mULdUvLxRyFR6gGVtAiSon67AxIhbkTQYJ8uiucrtsc/s1600-h/whitstable12.jpg"><img style="float:left; 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margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 238px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWHv9ZorinKbdY5_PEqR1s1ZQb5wRQYm7Nx5bY6Ve5TJfbpUU5UHJCaS0K6TtPOkYxRZYkXwgYPBfr7OqK04CIVcF44pY9iXmrLDVY1yZ5fOAgnLUx9xkzpc-1TJpVQdPhP4GyZAIV9bs/s320/whitstable10.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5351678457171203058" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbIJK0cFazy4D3VpwfkNKEx3HKWxwt_6U0yH__mTY9vXueEjWVtOyVLc0LedHoMccYX-_YYGmGn6tYm5KhkDihycLNNv8k1bJm5ruo2qMwS8MJySpEHdxakN3LIhLoc8iSEpGKrbpvVyA/s1600-h/whitstable8.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 130px; height: 97px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbIJK0cFazy4D3VpwfkNKEx3HKWxwt_6U0yH__mTY9vXueEjWVtOyVLc0LedHoMccYX-_YYGmGn6tYm5KhkDihycLNNv8k1bJm5ruo2qMwS8MJySpEHdxakN3LIhLoc8iSEpGKrbpvVyA/s320/whitstable8.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5351678453400430978" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIXDh1eaYP_NLOfnSRMU0kLj0EIGGlH5fIMXEI-yxnr4vU6w5zpOKdT6MvTWF1uBvis1-ePeJkOCBNG3OdvE-AomTzIn4L9ftpeQ_UOuEHLsrhyphenhyphenSjDUwOkwAx8iA4bNSaXyWA3-37nGus/s1600-h/whitstable6.jpg"><img style="float:left; 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margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 240px; height: 159px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAskivwt8GX-L1dYC4Wwozp5KdjsPqAH0uyURGKT2wdXCZ7vaASWPTKqyVw1buZwscC-GsAq_XMC9EO056zyib4JVP1K54liNgf3GI7SZczlPVNRs38jSYGse7EEIs17PS1J4Dc12GFYU/s320/whitstable4.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5351675353949195442" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5aDWed4kd2jzcQ_6kn3t-JgPaMjxEeZGF1dqYazKMSwkXFmV8dzQUJ__6GX5J0GSscGvRm9hILsWRkXfachhOCxFQkQLS3-lBU6eIVzgBl841jGJr64Onl5wh2quhQVwU3AzuNMT9HX0/s1600-h/whitstable3.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 240px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5aDWed4kd2jzcQ_6kn3t-JgPaMjxEeZGF1dqYazKMSwkXFmV8dzQUJ__6GX5J0GSscGvRm9hILsWRkXfachhOCxFQkQLS3-lBU6eIVzgBl841jGJr64Onl5wh2quhQVwU3AzuNMT9HX0/s320/whitstable3.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5351675348437127570" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTTmB6dRDVUG63EaY91VYYxh2faurMkSMJMrt3KFxvrOyN_Cl4Vt38p_7VlN-hoq8uVF4lURV9hpvfpnbylidzuD3PB5Te5pY99Im3-dSiQ9Bxvv6tO1yo0cmMMAc3VYLZOklzRKtVqvk/s1600-h/whitstable1.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 240px; height: 158px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTTmB6dRDVUG63EaY91VYYxh2faurMkSMJMrt3KFxvrOyN_Cl4Vt38p_7VlN-hoq8uVF4lURV9hpvfpnbylidzuD3PB5Te5pY99Im3-dSiQ9Bxvv6tO1yo0cmMMAc3VYLZOklzRKtVqvk/s320/whitstable1.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5351675348114651378" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYygfMmNAYot7c3GNVIQz4HCk78AGEJ4x4fax5pV61niuOVnErNG9cqyeVpRaMbYQVQ2Oow3yZFtE5CYm0NTxmKiLsR2NLc-C6R6Khr1hP0gD5_vA8piOsOUU2nOzcyLwaOalTDU3r2Mk/s1600-h/whitstable.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 240px; height: 163px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYygfMmNAYot7c3GNVIQz4HCk78AGEJ4x4fax5pV61niuOVnErNG9cqyeVpRaMbYQVQ2Oow3yZFtE5CYm0NTxmKiLsR2NLc-C6R6Khr1hP0gD5_vA8piOsOUU2nOzcyLwaOalTDU3r2Mk/s320/whitstable.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5351675346091557650" /></a><br />I wish I Lived By the Sea, there is something calming yet frightening about the sea. It scares me that it is such a big open space that we know so little about. Yet at the same time, it is one of the most peaceful, beautiful things to watch. Even when there's a storm, there's something so majestic about the waves and the sounds it makes. This time last year I was with Alex and practically living in Whitstable. I was planning to move there on a permanant basis and leave easyjet and my whole life behind. I loved Alex and I loved Whitstable. I fell in love with Alex immediatly and I also fell in love with Whitstable. I no longer love Alex but I still love Whitstable. <br />Whitstable is a seaside town in northeast Kent, southeast England. Known as the "Pearl of Kent", Whitstable is famous for its oysters. My favorite fish and chips is in Kent and my favorite restuarant is also in Whitstable...Wheelers Oyster Bar! Im not a fan of oysters but it makes the most amazing seafood that you will ever taste! It's an intimate place, infact its like eating in someones front room - there isnt even a toilet! You have to book weeks, sometimes months ahead and you take your own wine but its truely the most amazing food that you will ever eat...I would recommend this place in a heartbeat! <br /><br />I have had the most amazing year and I dont miss Alex in the slightest but I do miss Whistable. Its a beautiful place and I really hope I get to go back at some point either to live or visit. I wouldn't go now because i wouldnt want to run into Alex. I still hold alot of bitterness towards him. I only truely hate two people and he is one of them. Hate is such a powerful and negative emotion so i don't think or dwell on that person but he has damaged me slightly as a person and there are some scars that will never go away. I will never understand how someone that apparently loved you can be so vicious and hurtful. Also, I will never understand how bad people never see themselves as bad? They justify and excuse there behaviour.... no matter how nasty and vile they are. There is aways a reason and there is always someone else to blame. <br />I used to think I was a good judge of character. I am very intuitive and read between the lines. Im starting to realise that I need to be more cautious. My mum never liked him and my mum is normally spot on - I just wished she had told me sooner! <br />I went to my best friends wedding and met a guy there (he met me I don’t really remember him) but he told our mates that he really liked me and after two years of match making, a few facebook messages and encouragement from my friends I agreed to go on a date with him. Before the date I had already decided that I didn’t want to be with him and was not interested and tried to cancel the date. He arrived to pick me up and I was quite rude to him (trying to put him off) but when this didn’t work we went out.... and I had an amazing night. Alex was so easy to get on with and the perfect company. It wast snowing and I suppose I fell for him straight away. The following day we got up and went to stay at his at the seaside. I just felt comftable with him, he seemed to understand me and I fancied him alot. He has the same sense of humour and made me laugh. I was completly infactuated with him. I just loved being in his company....drinking, laughing and being silly. We seemed to have the same outlook and same hopes and aims for the future. <br />Then it stared to go wrong. I’m not going to write all the things that went wrong as thats not fair on him but whenever things went wrong there was always a reason and he would beg me not to finish it as things were going to get better. It was either his job, his parents his lack of job. I slhould have finished it a long time ago but I was completly in love no matter how bad it was it was worth it for the good times and always looked to the future. He asked me to move to his, give up my job and one day have kids...this was never my plan but I honestly believed he was the one and agreed.<br />He then lost his job and things became even more strained. He seemed to become more volatile, moody and depressed. He wasn’t treating me well and we seemed to be snapping at each other alot. He was starting to make me feel VERY bad about myself and I started to resent him. I tried to discuss this with him but everytime he would say that things would get better and that we normally get on so well and its just the other things that are going on in his life. We finally split up and I felt like a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I cried for an hour and suddenly relaised that I was happier and it was for the best. I still cared deeply for him - i still thought he was my soul mate but not in a romantic way - I hoped we would stay friends. Then things went really wrong and the time when I need him nost as a friend he turned on me... I dont think I will ever forgive him for how badly he treated me! There was never a row or a fall out. Its so sad that a relationship can turn so sour. My mum had to phone him and tell him to leave me alone at one point because she could see I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown...she even lied to him for me. My mum is a great woman and I could see how much it broke her heart seeing how badly he treated me. I wouldnt treat my worst enemy the way he treated me. Of course he will never see that and will have justified his actions to himself a million times - I dont know how he sleeps at night. Shame on him and shame on his family and friends for letting him act like such a prick! The reality is this; He is commitment phobic, he wants what he can’t have, he tells people what they want to hear. I didn’t want him to start with so he set out to make me like him. He was charming and said all the things that I would wanted to hear...Basically the guy I feel in love with wasn't Alex, its the person that he thought I wanted! He wanted what he couldn’t have and prove that he could get it… well he did it! Do I regret being with him? No, because we did have some fantastic times. I spent a great year in Manchester and Whitstable. We had some great trips away and I even caught my first carp! <br /><br />This blog has turned into a blog about Alex rather than a blog about the seaside so I will end it now... The one thing that i am sure about is this - Its not me, its HIM!Mothafuckin Prinesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12086490697840303647noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8838237924882836673.post-16481724109196939542009-06-23T17:50:00.000-07:002009-08-05T13:27:38.627-07:00Nothing Brings Clarity Like A Little Conflict.<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrVO7RKtMQkqbriZAoEWRDXNYaFmZbDT75iPtqusj3_pPj7DHNTrs3N7i5YmvVUOmXy336-NO3QiY2DeRC-pi_Txd20ULasziurV5lwd67c4zGo2Igc1sKdn29N6-2Xgi80L0ILueAAw8/s1600-h/nice5.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrVO7RKtMQkqbriZAoEWRDXNYaFmZbDT75iPtqusj3_pPj7DHNTrs3N7i5YmvVUOmXy336-NO3QiY2DeRC-pi_Txd20ULasziurV5lwd67c4zGo2Igc1sKdn29N6-2Xgi80L0ILueAAw8/s320/nice5.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5366579018575960818" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLQT5CtKx-A0ZGfXJwmaTCk9J9POHtweHHYioQq1D3v36bp9-x1ity8QoXJubPUk8Nw4IbRvxBCnvhgWMzGfOmvSVj4Haa3HYPYkmeIAY-t5JlyCQeKv1Ez30izNoD_188s6L0k8lRB1Q/s1600-h/nice4.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 210px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLQT5CtKx-A0ZGfXJwmaTCk9J9POHtweHHYioQq1D3v36bp9-x1ity8QoXJubPUk8Nw4IbRvxBCnvhgWMzGfOmvSVj4Haa3HYPYkmeIAY-t5JlyCQeKv1Ez30izNoD_188s6L0k8lRB1Q/s320/nice4.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5350691422733756914" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiS6ePSbH6itxeLQL9bcZ-iOC7R8_DuQLGHchqiC-smJrfgbXE0ln4heyF_VI4lTJKiunbEcM8MJrlQB0EXqAAO4O4SqVw0rhkRX4E7hy60lZmjUiCrUvWK2NkOtVc5KuTwxFGLVrzdbcU/s1600-h/nice3.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 304px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiS6ePSbH6itxeLQL9bcZ-iOC7R8_DuQLGHchqiC-smJrfgbXE0ln4heyF_VI4lTJKiunbEcM8MJrlQB0EXqAAO4O4SqVw0rhkRX4E7hy60lZmjUiCrUvWK2NkOtVc5KuTwxFGLVrzdbcU/s320/nice3.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5350691417422462082" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6QDKRwUci6qWX_eKZ8HYnta3YuMayrPmVyCcknMNitXB8Sa5Yxf9ne6aRc04ePVAjBiARpFd4GXfBTSHRgrfvvZvQw_8ehRNjaC06l8ctOM1jNF2OEU5qnfHuQj8B9Byr_cULS4KUSdY/s1600-h/nice1.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 300px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6QDKRwUci6qWX_eKZ8HYnta3YuMayrPmVyCcknMNitXB8Sa5Yxf9ne6aRc04ePVAjBiARpFd4GXfBTSHRgrfvvZvQw_8ehRNjaC06l8ctOM1jNF2OEU5qnfHuQj8B9Byr_cULS4KUSdY/s320/nice1.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5350691412882722514" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimVivyPwfdOk7YD10KybIi_ufcmrLohRrDqTbc-5CMWKITz9lE44_M7KSw2imfS7-sj80j6KfjP_iQomBtERmBsBan5zJi0mWh5bzNmyUWqKQKzbrO3xZziuWjlhmiHNm0VjCGWu3L6bo/s1600-h/nice.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimVivyPwfdOk7YD10KybIi_ufcmrLohRrDqTbc-5CMWKITz9lE44_M7KSw2imfS7-sj80j6KfjP_iQomBtERmBsBan5zJi0mWh5bzNmyUWqKQKzbrO3xZziuWjlhmiHNm0VjCGWu3L6bo/s320/nice.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5350691406393258178" /></a><br /><br />In Sitges I met some amazing people including the love Zavvi (Xavier). 20 year old gay Canadian from Montreal. We kept in touch and decided to meet up for his last two days in Europe. <br /><br />We decided to head to Nice to sun worship and relax before Zavvi's long flight home and before I head back to work. Nice is absolutly stunning with its rich blue-green sea and famous Promenade des Anglais. <br />We needed something cheap and central (virtually impossible in Nice) so I booked the hotel Paradis. The hotel was in the centre next door to Louis Vuitton and the Promenade des Anglais and the sea are 80 meters away. It worked out €40 a night each so I wasnt expecting much but it was perfect. Dont get me wrong, its not a luxuary hotel but it was clean and the staff were helpful and friendly. The location was ideal for walking to the beach and Promenade des Anglais - there were some pretty shocking reviews online but it was ideal for me and I would definitly recommend it (if you want a good budget hotel for sleep, shower and central location). <br /><br />The night before I decided to stay awake as I didnt want to oversleep and miss my flight. I spent the night updating my ipod (every holiday should have soundtrack and my soundtrack for my Nice adventure included lots of cool french music including Air, Mc Solaar and Nouvelle Vague) I then fell asleep an hour before I was due to get up, Typical! Luckily Andy and Lauren woke me up and I had a mad dash to the airport! Zavvi had his phone stolen in Spain so all our communication and arrangements had been done via facebook - I really didnt realise how much we rely on mobile phones. I was late, he was late so I didnt meet up with him until we boarded the plane. My plan was to sleep on the plane but this plan didnt work out. Instead I chatted to the cabin crew and drank vodka (it is acceptable to drink vodka at 7am when you are off on your holidays). I was a little tipsy when I got off the plane (again this is acceptable as I am on my holidays). Zavvie is from Montreal so his first langauge is French so I kind of left it to him to ask all the questions. The journy into Nice is pretty easy. Take the 98 bus from outside the termainal and that takes you along the prominade to central nice and its €4 (bargain). Our hotel was easy to find (made even easier as Zavvi did all the talking) we dumped our stuff and headed to the beach :)<br />Neither of us had slept so we decided to find a nice part and pay for sun loungers so we could sleep. The weather was stunning, the sea has unmistakable deep blue colour. Its not a sandy beach and the pebbles can be pretty hard on your feet but its fine once your in the sea.<br />We spent quite a few hours on comfy sun beds, reading, sleeping, listening to music, listening to the sea and generally doing not much at all. This beach provided large fluffy towels, also there were changing rooms and showers and a restaurant serving good food. <br />We stayed on the beach all day then headed back to the room for shower and change of clothes then headed to the old town for dinner. <br />We sat outside in the rain (it rained all evening but was still warm) and chatted about our familys, our friends, holidays, travels and education. I had Salad to start, red snapper for main, lots of french bread and a cold beer (perfect). We then headed to a bar near the hotel for coctails. We went back to the hotel and slept til it was time to check out then back to the beach for Zavvis last few hours before heading back to Canada.<br />We decided to go back to the private beach as the beds were soooooo comfy. They are pretty expensive but worth every euro (€16) and it also meant that Zavvi could shower and change before catching his flight. We had a lovely breakfast on the beach..my breakfast was amazing! Freash orange juice, a quater of fresh pineapple, freshly cooked croissants, french bread, jam and butter - will definitly go back!<br />Zavvi left at 2 and I stayed on the beach til 6pm. It was nice to relax and sleep and gave me some "Janice time". I got halfway through my new Paulo Cohello book and left it either at the airport or on the beach - very annoying!!<br />I then took the tourist train (I felt like a complet twat on the train but I needed to kill an hour). I then got the bus back to the airport and came home.<br /><br />I had a great time and will definitly go back this summer, even if its just for the day. I am home feeling alot more relaxed with a clearer mind and a sun tan (bonus). I had a good chat with Daniel on the phone(my friend in Singapore) and have decided to try and visit him and his faily over Christmas. Ive been letting alot of people and situations get me down lately. Sometimes we all need conflict as nothing brings clarity like a little conflict.... as long as we dont become bitter! I have alot of inspiring people in my life and have alot of truely amazing friends. Am I happy? Im certainly content... but there are definilty things that I want. A trip to Corfu has been added to my list of wants for 2009 and a return trip to Sitges... I am a holiday junkie! <br /><br />My name is Janice and I am addicted to holidays :)Mothafuckin Prinesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12086490697840303647noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8838237924882836673.post-3617089032872369912009-06-21T16:25:00.000-07:002009-06-23T17:37:18.505-07:00Garden Party at the Tebworth Piory<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvKv9Ag4oxN4ZjLE7jAGDBPwEwBY5tT1XR2JGkN8TpwW-xNlGTmoys9zelKvZX-tsDYqGgyS7hBFBz0sNnAdJTisMFvBmlPDydDAHYA3RUupxgyUxK4tMqwQuVHQRQ-PDQOGrUXSs-DFg/s1600-h/hann.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 239px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvKv9Ag4oxN4ZjLE7jAGDBPwEwBY5tT1XR2JGkN8TpwW-xNlGTmoys9zelKvZX-tsDYqGgyS7hBFBz0sNnAdJTisMFvBmlPDydDAHYA3RUupxgyUxK4tMqwQuVHQRQ-PDQOGrUXSs-DFg/s320/hann.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5350686675682013266" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlgtbFukVFVAao0mCQe3Zt_AMr5vFCmQG69QgYzJuTBn4K4U9omFKdaqx6Thmy369i7gvc07NyOYHBqmx1m1r1xkFn_YaNA0gdU7nFD65g0QQY4W3t7_BoY-hGEKpDt8kTsN9KyewU7Yo/s1600-h/hannah9.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 222px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlgtbFukVFVAao0mCQe3Zt_AMr5vFCmQG69QgYzJuTBn4K4U9omFKdaqx6Thmy369i7gvc07NyOYHBqmx1m1r1xkFn_YaNA0gdU7nFD65g0QQY4W3t7_BoY-hGEKpDt8kTsN9KyewU7Yo/s320/hannah9.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5349938205347178706" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgo1ix0srLIpNAwHZLWPlMujz_c2U4se2QSL7N90sAX-pNcORejxNM092oVwT2dA2Djt2RmUbFJl4HIQMLQo4y85xEq0700yeTywzaYkT-SaVUYGthqaYGZP7TdLkMK0poyINcUyDtrnRE/s1600-h/hannah8.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 242px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgo1ix0srLIpNAwHZLWPlMujz_c2U4se2QSL7N90sAX-pNcORejxNM092oVwT2dA2Djt2RmUbFJl4HIQMLQo4y85xEq0700yeTywzaYkT-SaVUYGthqaYGZP7TdLkMK0poyINcUyDtrnRE/s320/hannah8.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5349938200538667762" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgiWCMWmcl7PxvxTSjlJR4tCsK6Enm9TnQOtdMFtXSnIpvVpg6N7HngewBCgq3fSM8hWsSmX8NZI94gKGosVsiqW8R4DJXmHBqbYArgyCkg50NsPEVQ85bL_K5oMfyI57hyNi4mU-mnKVA/s1600-h/hannah2.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgiWCMWmcl7PxvxTSjlJR4tCsK6Enm9TnQOtdMFtXSnIpvVpg6N7HngewBCgq3fSM8hWsSmX8NZI94gKGosVsiqW8R4DJXmHBqbYArgyCkg50NsPEVQ85bL_K5oMfyI57hyNi4mU-mnKVA/s320/hannah2.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5349938199587853330" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicvsKRkMnWNAFJyy9x0eCA5AYgE4XqJEwgFj_r7jB5O0CxhFn3HdatRxw66NTzyoFQomJ2iOgrrmKFYEJEA8XNyw2a6B7hBvTM61-dGTJtdnUClJY64vTfxa7T6-CthgFpirpZXZ2vpWs/s1600-h/hannah1.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicvsKRkMnWNAFJyy9x0eCA5AYgE4XqJEwgFj_r7jB5O0CxhFn3HdatRxw66NTzyoFQomJ2iOgrrmKFYEJEA8XNyw2a6B7hBvTM61-dGTJtdnUClJY64vTfxa7T6-CthgFpirpZXZ2vpWs/s320/hannah1.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5349938193297015586" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiA_65EfeOO5FUMHlyvK9DyHu9rt47FBN0An-IoqN4AIbiAFJ55Zxq7C1BuQbb6ts1liWn4bzpRqzQ_jvtSxwads1ihmkjtVUwcSzaYVTG5X1mCFhgDNkkbc5sGA-WbSxGLVYlzlXA1LqM/s1600-h/hannah.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiA_65EfeOO5FUMHlyvK9DyHu9rt47FBN0An-IoqN4AIbiAFJ55Zxq7C1BuQbb6ts1liWn4bzpRqzQ_jvtSxwads1ihmkjtVUwcSzaYVTG5X1mCFhgDNkkbc5sGA-WbSxGLVYlzlXA1LqM/s320/hannah.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5349938189765447442" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgY8t_qo-dO3x1to6pXossjZDUFjCjlO4n-3T4EKU-1dX-ISNaBJ9mSeWVPpLNcaBFYqak1FZAXjo3I5ZnbKN3RqhxEF4r9MB_kDPm_UkC__AtkT7d0ZwRdLa-gZfH7LS6WZ8d9VpuYHqI/s1600-h/hannah10.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 252px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgY8t_qo-dO3x1to6pXossjZDUFjCjlO4n-3T4EKU-1dX-ISNaBJ9mSeWVPpLNcaBFYqak1FZAXjo3I5ZnbKN3RqhxEF4r9MB_kDPm_UkC__AtkT7d0ZwRdLa-gZfH7LS6WZ8d9VpuYHqI/s320/hannah10.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5349937780681981458" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgInDfJ2mxhMRBvd27cSSyR61Y4aESn8fw4iL4seTzHeFOqPiG54Rx1oiW8F8bnstebf-IDYgXrslmLyhqwAL0wL1zEI-VbCFITt-QspiT1fWI_7iqmdBbxIStZ2TN4jUPwwGcAV7TCsTI/s1600-h/hannah7.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgInDfJ2mxhMRBvd27cSSyR61Y4aESn8fw4iL4seTzHeFOqPiG54Rx1oiW8F8bnstebf-IDYgXrslmLyhqwAL0wL1zEI-VbCFITt-QspiT1fWI_7iqmdBbxIStZ2TN4jUPwwGcAV7TCsTI/s320/hannah7.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5349937774723470722" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwZO3GiF_DZcLKuk2I4kcfJs3CNCFeIBVgUuSn8jbVClQAO4aGP8DWkhy_OL7Y7HB3hVbvDdntnYMj2XySJZd7ZHHVtFKvQOv3PwCWS74meD4BcdkxYz37ZL3eT2HBpjFSn2sSR_q8NLs/s1600-h/hannah6.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwZO3GiF_DZcLKuk2I4kcfJs3CNCFeIBVgUuSn8jbVClQAO4aGP8DWkhy_OL7Y7HB3hVbvDdntnYMj2XySJZd7ZHHVtFKvQOv3PwCWS74meD4BcdkxYz37ZL3eT2HBpjFSn2sSR_q8NLs/s320/hannah6.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5349937768018075778" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjARXMe2TQm6ovNJM7WbN1tB1Npd4MKWM6x1UK3zLVj3owXiA5i9JALh8NaWB17URLKb97t0sVFXL7uRWzlMCidgYLH0UGrrVP433NkuXKBubgZnbhFPez-EQAqmFDYrvn94QvSlVoM6GY/s1600-h/hannah4.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 273px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjARXMe2TQm6ovNJM7WbN1tB1Npd4MKWM6x1UK3zLVj3owXiA5i9JALh8NaWB17URLKb97t0sVFXL7uRWzlMCidgYLH0UGrrVP433NkuXKBubgZnbhFPez-EQAqmFDYrvn94QvSlVoM6GY/s320/hannah4.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5349937770597207026" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxdM9sPs9X_pUkoVhmnv-Lj5ZQBFum7a_mcGrtEJSfeoPVpMQKZtUJOiNI0jDHeAXvXZy2ffPTzjx2sAlPzNOfvJOmaLZ4ffRsYE_Cn9rwxQVr8nzgivTE5m_ZthjjbuzCPH8DzgdDgcY/s1600-h/hannah3.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxdM9sPs9X_pUkoVhmnv-Lj5ZQBFum7a_mcGrtEJSfeoPVpMQKZtUJOiNI0jDHeAXvXZy2ffPTzjx2sAlPzNOfvJOmaLZ4ffRsYE_Cn9rwxQVr8nzgivTE5m_ZthjjbuzCPH8DzgdDgcY/s320/hannah3.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5349937765245792930" /></a><br />After Fridays "drink the bar dry" 7th bday at Flame everyone was feeling a little bit tender but we had all accepted the invitation to Pauls birthday party (Paul is Sam Hannahs husband). Sam and Paul live in Tebworth and have posssibly the most stunning house and garden that you will ever see. Thier house has amazing character and thier garden has a hot tub and outside bar. They had live music and employed staff to work the bar. We all brought a bottle to replenish the bar and they made up various cocktails and punch. There house is known as the Tebworth Priory due to its calming effects. <br /><br />The plan was to stay for a couple of hours before heading to the cimema as no-one could handle another night of drinking.... this was a good idea in theory but everyone got carried away with coctail hour.<br /><br />Sam and Paul never got a chance to have thier "first dance" at thier wedding due to the fact that Sam was really ill on her wedding night so it was a great opportunity to get Sam in her wedding dress and finally have the first dance... it was a beautiful moment and thier were alot of tears - Sam looked absolutly stunning!<br /><br />I got woken up with a text from Andy saying that he had cooked breakfast for us so I headed to number 10 for a full english to help with this weekends hangover. It doesnt help that I have a horrid cold that I cant seem to kick. I was meant to be heading to Nice today but it has been postponded til tomorrow (5 hours time). Im not even a little bit tired and worried that im going to oversleep so I might stay up and sleep on the beach.<br /><br />I have nightstopped in nice but not spent anytime there. Accomodation has proved alot more expensive than I thought it would be and tyipcal Janice has left it to the last min to organise. I have just booked a hostel (because I cant afford a hotel) but it looks fine. <br /><br />http://www.paradishotel.com/<br /><br />Its cheap and great location. The Promenade des Anglais and the sea are 80 meters away. I just need a couple of days to relax, read and get some sun.Mothafuckin Prinesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12086490697840303647noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8838237924882836673.post-16273021766374246652009-06-20T18:58:00.000-07:002009-06-20T20:29:24.738-07:00My Gay World<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKcVGlyAL5Nm1LiTLKjpo8K8ZR-qvKlSlDHdh-FdxQkVhyg75zhJ1TfTE79he5b4BX6pPqeJ1RxPILavZHqOvljYJcoCDJeKOus1oQtYa5RPRWka6zZFKKqaOopfJV-aCLXzPu6xolRkA/s1600-h/flame15.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 239px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKcVGlyAL5Nm1LiTLKjpo8K8ZR-qvKlSlDHdh-FdxQkVhyg75zhJ1TfTE79he5b4BX6pPqeJ1RxPILavZHqOvljYJcoCDJeKOus1oQtYa5RPRWka6zZFKKqaOopfJV-aCLXzPu6xolRkA/s320/flame15.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5349617756772067330" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiolu3BbHwVB0vm5yNfbuiUA_AdzbWeaLUSf4Wfc1-0xVWJnj68PLpm5Z1_qtIcAkKoH3o2ibpA7JLTlsRUu1prRo3g4IF9CO2tSmZ2BLiDL61AuBYj8rA8xgcWgy1zLQgfNbfrLZOxrv4/s1600-h/flame14.jpg"><img style="float:left; 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margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 270px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifd3SYQZ_Lw71vhR_b515Iiuidw_6PNlMCalueYVw1PD9TH7znRGq_7chNQrLmfS9kvpLfs9Djm3Buy1mHqSm4E48rIT4NY47_nLSIY-KH829QjypI9OhCDy5NRpPoZMYT76VASWnlAsU/s320/flame9.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5349596060531619874" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6MmqMDZT9xrlciZOTm7-gT15UW9V3-x3JsCyldcOgpRK79ZogTuo8TCENctD0HRdi2XxD5P89h4Hs-XOPcZG36EHK6CSVnfiRh2lUTUs3ocrGrjEf0D1iuzhd96F2OFYSza1xIq_z0c4/s1600-h/flame8.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 249px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6MmqMDZT9xrlciZOTm7-gT15UW9V3-x3JsCyldcOgpRK79ZogTuo8TCENctD0HRdi2XxD5P89h4Hs-XOPcZG36EHK6CSVnfiRh2lUTUs3ocrGrjEf0D1iuzhd96F2OFYSza1xIq_z0c4/s320/flame8.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5349596057877306146" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2J4AHytvldAdfmI5lPuh6WSJlueWhoCXWJaWz4WedD3UoRIpj4vkPWiqAxQWXFXdn9LdXNACzd7nwVAztvl37ax0NBQ7Zgq8VaE4_iKayESqzn5rVbtwtp76DHISAPW2qZ0RNA8g0TbM/s1600-h/flame7.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 286px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2J4AHytvldAdfmI5lPuh6WSJlueWhoCXWJaWz4WedD3UoRIpj4vkPWiqAxQWXFXdn9LdXNACzd7nwVAztvl37ax0NBQ7Zgq8VaE4_iKayESqzn5rVbtwtp76DHISAPW2qZ0RNA8g0TbM/s320/flame7.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5349596055556389698" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgq9rME5xOqnIQ3U0zWBL9UTeLwP8LlKNq1AkltR1Kdq6Uv8D0vT8FoH5RQw2M98F39GyJXzGzfBfQaHlU2uZWdGAmX5YVgibf1dx-lHzTJRIUkvCNjHUPKFUhBNg3WI84wTqryoqXTT80/s1600-h/flame6.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 196px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgq9rME5xOqnIQ3U0zWBL9UTeLwP8LlKNq1AkltR1Kdq6Uv8D0vT8FoH5RQw2M98F39GyJXzGzfBfQaHlU2uZWdGAmX5YVgibf1dx-lHzTJRIUkvCNjHUPKFUhBNg3WI84wTqryoqXTT80/s320/flame6.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5349595448234152850" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibej1uZRKWVsNtif1B55lirTTI1jYSkVKjsYKoKi2vjz71qWHUM2eDoMk01jo7evXjdhhvI_9mMFdi4xptCGT4gFFlOvLkr4xpq3kf_E0JBqxMGEIoMdJqiQfoi0mmGZUQNNKUDuiVY_w/s1600-h/flame5.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 239px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibej1uZRKWVsNtif1B55lirTTI1jYSkVKjsYKoKi2vjz71qWHUM2eDoMk01jo7evXjdhhvI_9mMFdi4xptCGT4gFFlOvLkr4xpq3kf_E0JBqxMGEIoMdJqiQfoi0mmGZUQNNKUDuiVY_w/s320/flame5.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5349595442675119218" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnXaB0r5lsN7c5on37KuVwtGyUOo6pS15ua7IrvqNqQmogX37Us4yShlzoi7c4C-Tf_qdxgkU7-RXwh-IS4vv2aoyhjy99DsdXwh8XhmKoBndDrSMUtcJF2H-gWdJqiIThZO5r6h2_fjg/s1600-h/flame4.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 281px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnXaB0r5lsN7c5on37KuVwtGyUOo6pS15ua7IrvqNqQmogX37Us4yShlzoi7c4C-Tf_qdxgkU7-RXwh-IS4vv2aoyhjy99DsdXwh8XhmKoBndDrSMUtcJF2H-gWdJqiIThZO5r6h2_fjg/s320/flame4.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5349595433464822482" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEin8eSkLjPi35HWI-rBrHUW3mCw5c6jnHHqsn5xUMNFTe46XUIHx2nGAWvdiR0KIQJs_r3aj7WNGr9QOWvz2xiQpHZ9agF38yJzvuOd4x7ZTZ7alx73kBqyRH7jaBf-l6VyAHy6YSpeCvU/s1600-h/flame2.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 278px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEin8eSkLjPi35HWI-rBrHUW3mCw5c6jnHHqsn5xUMNFTe46XUIHx2nGAWvdiR0KIQJs_r3aj7WNGr9QOWvz2xiQpHZ9agF38yJzvuOd4x7ZTZ7alx73kBqyRH7jaBf-l6VyAHy6YSpeCvU/s320/flame2.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5349595430120773570" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTNufnDscFkGOTNMkXl70aL5F8JHoQvkpAAhiD-uEmSiSO9dwUjmSw97vnVsnMLONMKmpQwlDa1MgwBM6QHX56GzHkWhnWY8R_po_O6sBJOg2-LA8bUvpXpS28_omr-SHxLeqI6s2-LMM/s1600-h/flame1.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 292px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTNufnDscFkGOTNMkXl70aL5F8JHoQvkpAAhiD-uEmSiSO9dwUjmSw97vnVsnMLONMKmpQwlDa1MgwBM6QHX56GzHkWhnWY8R_po_O6sBJOg2-LA8bUvpXpS28_omr-SHxLeqI6s2-LMM/s320/flame1.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5349595432801027730" /></a><br /><br />I finished my week on Thursday and went to Steve Monohans with the lovely Sarah Ford for catch up and vodka. This resulted in me getting home late and drinking and chatting with Mr Vernon til 5am... my hangover on Friday was severe! I didnt think I would make it out Friday but I promised all my friends that we would have a big night out. It was actually one of the wotrst hangovers EVER! It caught me by surprise because it wasn't the drunkest I've ever been but it was one of the only time I've thrown up due to a hangover. My hangovers are getting worde as I get older!<br /><br />I am a straight female that lives in a very gay world. I love the clubs because they are so vibrant and so fun. My local club is Flame and this weekend is Flames 7th birthday! I've been going to Flame for a few years and the staff, management and locals have become good friends of mine. <br />Its my weekend off and easyjets finest decided to head to Flame for £20 drink the bar dry. <br />We had pre drinks at mine then headed to Flame at 11. You pay £20 for a VIP Wristband and receive Free Drinks between 9pm and 3:30am. There was a great crowd of people out and everyone had a fantastic time!<br /><br />Flame was originaly opened in June 2002 and has now moved to a new larger venue. Its definitly my local and my favorite place to dance in Luton. The management and staff treat me well and always make me feel welcome. <br /><br />To be honest my taste in music is totally diffrent to what I dance to in Flame. Flame is reliably cheesy and thats exactly what I want on a night out. Camp pop is something i'd be to embarassed to play in my bedroom (even with noone else there) but in a gay club it fits in and you can just let go and fool around..I love that! <br /><br />Summer is definitly here and we have all been working hard so it was nice to have so many of my friends out. I had a few cheeky vodkas, let my hair down and danced till I couldnt dance anymore! Man, did my feet hurt by the end of the night! I left Flame at 4ish and headed back to Wenslydale and sat up with Jonny, Harry and Andy til 6ish smoking and talking random drunken rubbish. <br /><br />I wouldnt say that I felt amazing this morning but it wasnt the worst I've ever felt...maybe yesterdays hangover was a one off and Im not old afterall! <br /><br />Another day and another hangover...Mothafuckin Prinesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12086490697840303647noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8838237924882836673.post-34950231266078863462009-06-17T19:49:00.001-07:002009-06-17T20:25:44.563-07:003:33<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj414q1KBPWI9rHgz8XrD48sG0mVycCHgH7Onc1Ky9WIvindCm8N1UGwt4UD1wT44zmti2wiFFZo4-3glehAEycRzigpCu7NSMZapnl22dUtVfAfRb20FSrhbLLMPL3XIBtSDkbZ4vD48o/s1600-h/333.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 137px; height: 61px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj414q1KBPWI9rHgz8XrD48sG0mVycCHgH7Onc1Ky9WIvindCm8N1UGwt4UD1wT44zmti2wiFFZo4-3glehAEycRzigpCu7NSMZapnl22dUtVfAfRb20FSrhbLLMPL3XIBtSDkbZ4vD48o/s320/333.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5348500642175725170" /></a><br />This is a random post but its about something that has been bugging me for years. I can't sleep so I have googled it and amazed to find out that its VERY common...and I am not weird :)<br /><br />Does the time 3:33 have any meaning?<br /><br />I often wake or notice the time at exactly 3:33am. My friends often mock me for this but its something that as always freaked me out... is there a meaning for it?<br /><br />It happend to me again this evening so I decided to google it and these are the answers that I have found...<br /><br />3:33 or 333 means the Ascended Masters are with you [or Jesus is with you]. <br /><br />Because you are suffering from some sort of anxiety.You are only remembering easily remembered numbers.If the clock said 0224 you would not take it in and you will forget you ever saw it.But if the clock then said 3.33 It would hit your memory button you would then be making patterns of thought (logical but I don't believe this).<br /><br />it is said that 3 am is a bewitching hour and some religious practices believe that @ 3:33 am is when the devil or some great evil is said to have access to the earthly realm and can posses a person of choice<br /><br />3:33 is the origanal time for the invisible vail to disapear and the spirits come to sight.. 3:33am<br /><br />If you wake up at 3:33 pm, this is a good thing, this represents the Holy Trinity, if it's 3:33 am, that's bad, that's the bewitching hour, it's supposed to be the way the devil mocks the Holy Trinity, which presents it self during the day, so the devil comes out during the night<br /><br />That's the first sign of incurable mental illness...The second is asking about it. (this isnt fact this answer was by some fuckwit thinking they are funny.....or is it??)<br /><br />So you see 1111, 111, 11:11, 12:12, or 4:44 all over the place? Too often to be mere coincidence? Well, you are not alone anymore. We think there are now over 1 million folks seeing these prompts today. These prompts are caused by a group of fun-loving angels. What George Barnard originally called the Mille-Cent-et-Onze. In fact George first saw the 11 past 11 time signals well before the invention of the digital clock. But it's much easier to spot these digital prompts these days.<br /><br />"333 - The Ascended Masters are near you, desiring you to know that you have their help, love, and companionship. Call upon the Ascended Masters often, especially when you see the number 3 patterns around you. Some of the more famous Ascended Masters include: Jesus, Moses, Mary, Quan Yin, and Yogananda. The 333 sign also shows that the Ascended Masters agree with your thoughts and feelings and could be interpreted as a Cosmic 'Yes!' to questions you have asked or ideas you may have"<br /><br />I think the last one is my favorite answer and thats the one that I choose to believe! By writing this Im leaving myself wide open to ridicule...but it wont be the first time! For those of you that know me, you know its something thats bugged me for years...now I have an answer (and I hope the incurable mental illness was indead a joke!).Mothafuckin Prinesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12086490697840303647noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8838237924882836673.post-24958023679165774672009-06-11T17:24:00.001-07:002009-06-13T15:51:26.779-07:00Kids and the City<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7PNRl_Z2BzGCmOlKRkiAx74gkTRWqej1Wow3EoIRgajp6zFywkd3SDWG8coEAxmJlZWtimrqG2TvEJv8JVuGO8bKUkqGxaGFREJP-TmEKkv4SqWdsj_6OkMipkIQXfA0D-qQQQTotXr8/s1600-h/londonjoe.bmp"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7PNRl_Z2BzGCmOlKRkiAx74gkTRWqej1Wow3EoIRgajp6zFywkd3SDWG8coEAxmJlZWtimrqG2TvEJv8JVuGO8bKUkqGxaGFREJP-TmEKkv4SqWdsj_6OkMipkIQXfA0D-qQQQTotXr8/s320/londonjoe.bmp" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5346945063273707682" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbGTKCn9bLjKNKPQSppHBY6R_MpfIoqxYAUapWt-1jOpusOyF65aamGaswz2xjP-NtBM1NmIbVcBiK9QnQLfzLo5cq3Dbj5N_0aP2S76QNwrIgWzGVqotoegIwiCaRehosVG-TjtxK81Y/s1600-h/udderbelly.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 282px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbGTKCn9bLjKNKPQSppHBY6R_MpfIoqxYAUapWt-1jOpusOyF65aamGaswz2xjP-NtBM1NmIbVcBiK9QnQLfzLo5cq3Dbj5N_0aP2S76QNwrIgWzGVqotoegIwiCaRehosVG-TjtxK81Y/s320/udderbelly.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5346522720691339362" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8nd1eR5B0H2dgXgALE5cNEeVLs3gOwWubRd9RW1gLd3M0RESqzGpOlZQN_iAQyRvDKrQl8pR_ErCQ1c-t8OdWMeekRYyfBubruZjh22RxQIfdqiYL9QctIMTynwgt3hGHhEnhrSDjVAw/s1600-h/SDC11231.JPG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8nd1eR5B0H2dgXgALE5cNEeVLs3gOwWubRd9RW1gLd3M0RESqzGpOlZQN_iAQyRvDKrQl8pR_ErCQ1c-t8OdWMeekRYyfBubruZjh22RxQIfdqiYL9QctIMTynwgt3hGHhEnhrSDjVAw/s320/SDC11231.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5346234947570989842" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqwKArVLwYE0Fug29i_0eaq4Gl8cIhiiSwG8RTjk3F4zsybBA_VZ9gqb1vft9tBohZFkbwa-6A0c4WdPxcydfQhgarirQSoevXaKslWhiRn7ZcgMSSyfM05gv7yQK2lEeadjvLiu7kjoY/s1600-h/SDC11290.JPG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqwKArVLwYE0Fug29i_0eaq4Gl8cIhiiSwG8RTjk3F4zsybBA_VZ9gqb1vft9tBohZFkbwa-6A0c4WdPxcydfQhgarirQSoevXaKslWhiRn7ZcgMSSyfM05gv7yQK2lEeadjvLiu7kjoY/s320/SDC11290.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5346234938854622482" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj__fEvJCEtReywzrLslSbdFYcjcBnVHnlJkENhsp5b0F048cdxeQaLsPkB7nG3LAUztIPOk5MDvubp4UCZHp4c-qlZUBQ1Uw0NhY8f_cQldzEAwAUr7ATPhU2KZWvrCVEarVW9NA_ofeo/s1600-h/SDC11272.JPG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj__fEvJCEtReywzrLslSbdFYcjcBnVHnlJkENhsp5b0F048cdxeQaLsPkB7nG3LAUztIPOk5MDvubp4UCZHp4c-qlZUBQ1Uw0NhY8f_cQldzEAwAUr7ATPhU2KZWvrCVEarVW9NA_ofeo/s320/SDC11272.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5346234934012579170" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9cPcZYU_UkwTiYzn46nJStRk0zUxXqn0_3k572LjDN7YLdY5g9kPkzubMT_CGyExdeqUqq-rLdXaaLhunuG1hkpMrDZqlzGytdmgukXyvLv8hYb-x2__GDQVFkuTjd98cccS6y83RzJk/s1600-h/SDC11282.JPG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9cPcZYU_UkwTiYzn46nJStRk0zUxXqn0_3k572LjDN7YLdY5g9kPkzubMT_CGyExdeqUqq-rLdXaaLhunuG1hkpMrDZqlzGytdmgukXyvLv8hYb-x2__GDQVFkuTjd98cccS6y83RzJk/s320/SDC11282.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5346234922892388882" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjigxAmus7VrNziWQwQRcpr9nDGYJUDpYSjXfwd3CH5RQb0dkevTJdWLKbXbr_XFIcrKhEk_z2iYhOUEy6dxD56ipjcjYanpq39ApWpNwNyF2P6hZLEg2-TdZxb_TmK6rsdNdJm6PF1lVA/s1600-h/SDC11250.JPG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjigxAmus7VrNziWQwQRcpr9nDGYJUDpYSjXfwd3CH5RQb0dkevTJdWLKbXbr_XFIcrKhEk_z2iYhOUEy6dxD56ipjcjYanpq39ApWpNwNyF2P6hZLEg2-TdZxb_TmK6rsdNdJm6PF1lVA/s320/SDC11250.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5346234920269852322" /></a><br /><br />After my trip to sitges I was on a serious holiday comedown. The last thing I wanted to do was go back to work. Summer is officially here and I had a really long and busy week at work. Minimum rest, a trip to Gatwick and lots of 4 sector days. On the plus side I should get a good wage for August and I ran out of hours by day 6 so I got an extra day off...result! <br />I did manage a night out last Sunday and headed to Flame and Kink and had a good catch up with the boys and girls. I felt like I hadnt seen anyone for ages so it was good to let my hair down for the night. I was going to head to europe for my days off but due to major roster disrubtion and a trip to the sofitel Gatwick I didnt get to see my nephew and niece to give them thier bday presents... I had some making up to do! <br /><br />I spent my days off in Hemel at Farrahs and Thursday we took the kids to London for the day. <br /><br />We decided to go to the London Aquarium. I became childlishly excited by the huge rays, sharks and turtles...and nemo! Joseph LOVES nemo, Janice LOVES nemo and Tia LOVES nemo! After a long, long search, I finally found him: NEMO!!!!! And Dory too!!! The trip was a sucsess WE FOUND NEMO! It appears that Nemo has been getting jiggy with a lady clown fish because there were ALOT of baby clownfish. <br /><br />We then decided to double hit the London attractions and go on the London Eye. Ive been on the eye before but it was good for the kids. They were immediatly attracted to the huge ferris wheel and its one of those things that you have to do in London..Paris has the Eiffel Tower - we have the London eye. The views are amazing and I didnt realise Farrah had never been on. The London eye with kids is not the easiest thing in the world. Pros - Secure and free buggy storage Cons - Can't leave changing bag with buggy – must take all bags (lots of bags + two 3 year olds was not the easiest). It was also mega hot. Not just a little bit hot.. I actually thought I was going to pass out! Once off the Millenium wheel we walked along the southbank to Udderbelly. We sat in the alfresco bar next to the London Eye with giant jenga and connect 4. There where space hoppers and BigChill style music on an astroturfed pasture next to the Udderbelly arts venue in the shape of an upside down purple cow...random but nice. The sun was shinning and the Sol and lime tasted good! We then walked over the bridge, through Charing cross station and up to Picadilly. I promised the kids ice cream so we headed to the all new Planet Hollywood in Haymarket for Burgers and Ice cream sundaes. Farrah and I then went to HMV to buy a scary movie to watch that evening then taxi back to Euston to get the train home. The next day was mainly spent on the trampoline with Joseph before heading back to the ghetto. On the way home I recieved a text saying that everyone was in the beer garden... Janice, Lee, Alex, Jez, Sarah, Harry, Andrew, Andy, Michael and Adam...one of me, 9 of them - I make that pimms o clock! It was the best way to end days off before getting up this morning for the early Palma.<a href="http://listen.grooveshark.com/#/song/Out_In_The_Streets/27241"></a>Mothafuckin Prinesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12086490697840303647noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8838237924882836673.post-59593220478219411742009-06-02T18:04:00.000-07:002009-06-13T16:55:22.625-07:00We Love Sitges<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioozc484YvvfpAKyIvupg_LRHSaXlUv6Dqr3FejG97WnOr4eGwmQUd7c9cesMLWGjQ_-xcRFgaM926l2p1MOkKpLCY0ixa0qSJFySkn-HxXPWFsQaUjSgTP1fFI_IBj0rfWgv3gOSLw2U/s1600-h/12.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioozc484YvvfpAKyIvupg_LRHSaXlUv6Dqr3FejG97WnOr4eGwmQUd7c9cesMLWGjQ_-xcRFgaM926l2p1MOkKpLCY0ixa0qSJFySkn-HxXPWFsQaUjSgTP1fFI_IBj0rfWgv3gOSLw2U/s320/12.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5346964974397747090" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijVrd-gfikAm0Zzgr0o47A_E5pN2_3fAT2kLG601do3Wmx1hEV010Od_34-HuSP-eTbNQxhitv_HVCHn3qybgzQh5LOtsiQ9efVslb4eQjDvhvASI_CCGFqHEtfQbmLmvOYiJdxtwp4ro/s1600-h/sitges4.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 158px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijVrd-gfikAm0Zzgr0o47A_E5pN2_3fAT2kLG601do3Wmx1hEV010Od_34-HuSP-eTbNQxhitv_HVCHn3qybgzQh5LOtsiQ9efVslb4eQjDvhvASI_CCGFqHEtfQbmLmvOYiJdxtwp4ro/s320/sitges4.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5343201029252397474" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhss1YvDBWOjMbhX13o_ptfladuX-LjFYkLEz3lIuldpyQXUny523RoP4X34M-P5AfVDk0jMflaBlE9Rnw13CqoRY8AJHAdjoCPP0yhL1rIu_0zlOfXfLKrtWNdqgyjgGT1HutzdSNyILc/s1600-h/sitges22.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhss1YvDBWOjMbhX13o_ptfladuX-LjFYkLEz3lIuldpyQXUny523RoP4X34M-P5AfVDk0jMflaBlE9Rnw13CqoRY8AJHAdjoCPP0yhL1rIu_0zlOfXfLKrtWNdqgyjgGT1HutzdSNyILc/s320/sitges22.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5343200832875995602" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgftQF3I_Rc70gYs-rZg_lpOI8Yk3fwZ0e7VMLEG1Atn4ZcJV6nHXIH5aNSr-SA17DHaEIHoUFAhhom0dDU2faQOXAjE5hFH4W8cm9cm4hyphenhyphenxijD8bxjE0366vqRLOB6ZE6FDG6H7ouECHc/s1600-h/sitges3.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgftQF3I_Rc70gYs-rZg_lpOI8Yk3fwZ0e7VMLEG1Atn4ZcJV6nHXIH5aNSr-SA17DHaEIHoUFAhhom0dDU2faQOXAjE5hFH4W8cm9cm4hyphenhyphenxijD8bxjE0366vqRLOB6ZE6FDG6H7ouECHc/s320/sitges3.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5343200830914784274" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrob66SkesrQu-wsKcPuIe7zdrYjuuDXiyF4G24t2zDYS1DZvKRXM59xY8NGtvbglL6hEj_DavlwUBHEQjh6fkEDdFbpF1bx8pjEQJPYpFezkEZLqH43WwUGi1RpYAfUPgNx6tvEV9aMU/s1600-h/bar7.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 100px; height: 100px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrob66SkesrQu-wsKcPuIe7zdrYjuuDXiyF4G24t2zDYS1DZvKRXM59xY8NGtvbglL6hEj_DavlwUBHEQjh6fkEDdFbpF1bx8pjEQJPYpFezkEZLqH43WwUGi1RpYAfUPgNx6tvEV9aMU/s320/bar7.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5343174785127719474" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0isP-xDfGq_cQAcNYZrrHQzBRq-xTpoNhyphenhyphenJ9-naGNk54s0pXTjEU2jjJf_Dal8Jrbwsf7YfY85KfX86qCkYHlkqtEO3D4gtHHzY_pylbun-RuGghwkGKEZL4nr8IoBkePlMh_GuGINWs/s1600-h/sitges1.jpg"><img style="float:left; 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margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyO61PJA-a2dWmJZtwBZVj0ZlHoPOgRr5SPM5IzK7D2q3QGW8IKDTLDtrsdM7HFNWnio16KsGkXZFErv-yO3SBF5l0TNcipHMYowSzuWlMrBAkHiqODqMcrG-dKOS6LWf2M-GIa_tTzEI/s320/DSCI0022.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5342939534940844370" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3OCx1O4K4CXP9BIJrpYR6EMHl2vYA-qh8WTxyLsoCKGgtp1V7DVNQzaToViD5IxB4rBHBFcoZd3u3Bz-SvmqA5RbMoMRUGCNHMj8c9xW93_S1RHKK_MOISTMV29INGBjnojNNSF0jPvI/s1600-h/DSCI0021.JPG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 229px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3OCx1O4K4CXP9BIJrpYR6EMHl2vYA-qh8WTxyLsoCKGgtp1V7DVNQzaToViD5IxB4rBHBFcoZd3u3Bz-SvmqA5RbMoMRUGCNHMj8c9xW93_S1RHKK_MOISTMV29INGBjnojNNSF0jPvI/s320/DSCI0021.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5342939530526532050" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj13IkHGjR46D5SwX_1OLsJyiVL06wcAPWMxvm493fDky8y_GRWUJvqnWGREJMNDYsKoTXQawJMPjQsgAw2OUE54hoOWxiT1VX3j9OB13n87XHZLqmqCDnogSUc9UoKoBDD3mPCdc4Nxng/s1600-h/DSCI0014.JPG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 222px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj13IkHGjR46D5SwX_1OLsJyiVL06wcAPWMxvm493fDky8y_GRWUJvqnWGREJMNDYsKoTXQawJMPjQsgAw2OUE54hoOWxiT1VX3j9OB13n87XHZLqmqCDnogSUc9UoKoBDD3mPCdc4Nxng/s320/DSCI0014.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5342939521384843810" /></a><br />Sitges is a small city about 35k from Barcelona and is known for its beautiful beaches, its nice weather and its night life—especially famous its gay life. This was my fourth trip in four years and I fall in love with the place more and more each time I go. This year I went out with Jonny and Lauren came out a couple of days later. We stayed for 5 nights and during that time we met some of the most amazing people that I have ever met. There is nowhere else anything like Sitges. Sitges is an amazing place, a place where everyone is made welcome, whatever their age, race or sexual orientation. Families love it, the gay community love it, everyone loves it because everyone gets along with everyone else, and Sitges has something for everyone. <br /><br />I love going to gay clubs, always have, always will and Sitges is perfect for me! It has some of the most beautiful beaches in Europe and is one of the most beautiful towns with it's many narrow, very typically Spanish streets and a nightlife that compares with a town 10 times it's size. This holiday had everything and I have made some beautiful, facinating amazing friends. I have finally accepted that I am indeed a "fag hag" and that being a Fag Hag is nothing to be ashamed of. It is a way of life. When I first was labeled "Fag Hag" I hated it. But it is nothing to be ashamed of. I am proud to be a Fag Hag! I dont have a deep and retarded desire to fuck fags nor do I seek out gay men. I dont hate women and I am not bitter when it comes to straight men... I just have alot of gay friends and love the gay scene. Im just a girl who loves-men-who-love-men. I didnt set out to become a fag hag...it just kinda happened. There are so many reasons that gay men are the best people to surround yourself with. They will give you fashion advice, they are generally witty, he won't get drunk and attempt to molest you (its really tough to have a platonic straight friend!) Gay men are a beacon for hot buff men. Sitges gay beach is full of well-maintained torsos FACT! I am an indie girl at heart but when I go out I want to dance to disco and have fun with my friends! Is that so wrong? <br /><br />On my holiday I met the most amazing and random selection of people including; Matthew and Gareth the actors, Andrew who works on the High School Musical production team, Sebastian (Seb) who is currently working in Bar Seven but has been travelling through europe. His friends Rob, Lol (from cornwall) and Adam (NZ) who he met in Amsterdam. There was Nick and Lois who worked in Harrods. There was Robbie from Sussex. The lovely canadian boys JP, Xhavier, Patrick (Paddy) and the lovely girl from Kansas - Kaci! There were the Dutch guys that I met 4 years ago and the guys from the house on commons...everyone I met was amazing!<br /><br />Bar 7 was definitly the bar of the holiday. Most nights we started of in the centre at Parrots bar for cocktails and vodka redbull before meeting up with everyone in Bar 7. Seb is working in bar 7 and it has the most friendly bar staff in the whole of Sitges. They give everyone a warm welcome and make everyone feel at home! It gets busier than where else and its shame that the party has to stop at 3am! Clubbing in Sitges doesnt kick off til 3 and you basically have the choice of Trailer or Organics (We wasnt there for the weekly beach party). We had free passes for the clubs but the drinks are pretty expensive. If Im honest neither club set my soul alight but I like to party and 3am is far to ealy to head home so Trailer and Organic it is - This year I had my better nights in Trailer! The beauty of Sitges clubs is Whatever u want..its sitges..flipflops or high heels...No bare foot dancing for Janice! Marc Jacobs dress teamed with Haviana's - Cos I can! <br /><br />I got pretty sunburnt on day one of my holiday - Factor 4 - School boy error and man was I in pain! Sunburn on my face, sholders, back, legs, arms...so not a good look and resulted in Janice having to spend the rest of her holiday in dresses and factor 40! Day 3 of the holiday was possibly the best and most memorable. I was in a bad way with my sun burn so didnt head to the beach till aftternoon. Lauren had just arrived and everyone was in a ggod mood. There was alot of beer consumed and everyone was generally laughing and having fun on the gay beach. The first thing I saw was someone shouting "FLINCHER" and Jonny and Lol running into the sea and splashing the poor unsuspecting queens standing thigh deep in the sea! This went on most of the afternoon and each person that got attacked resulted in huge round of applause from the rest of the beach....priceless and hillarious! There was the human prymaid and alot of beer drunk! A few of the people were staying in Barcelona so invited everyone back to ours to get showered before heading out! We went for a terrible dinner (Sports Bar is not recommended!). Then we went back to the beach for beers. We were sat on the stairs and looked as if we was waiting for a show to start... we decided it would be a good idea to put on our talent show...Sitges has Talent! Each person had to get up and show off there special talent. Come 1 o'clock we headed to bar 7 to meet the lovely Seb then headed to Organic! I think we left Organic about 5ish and decided to head to the beach to get naked and go skinny dipping... This seemed like a great idea but the sea was pretty cold at 5am and would have been a better idea at 6am when the sun came up. We stayed in for 5 or 10 mins but changed our minds pretty quickly. We then went back to our hotel room for beer and drunken chatting. The hotel staff got pretty pissed off with us and kept knocking asking how many people we had in the room... we had 8 or 9 but quite frankly that wasnt the point! When Matthew left the guy followed him down the street and started argueing with him... he also had a go at Jonny. You could call this guy a jobsworth but I would probally discribe him as a Cunt! - The next day we moved to the hotel next door.<br /><br />Im now home, I have a couple of chapters left of my holiday book and Im back to work at 6am. I have major holiday comedown and havent spoken to anyone today. I really didnt want this holiday to end. Im glad we spent the money to go away. I will spend my money one way or another and quite frankly memories are priceless! I have met some amazing people and yet again I have had another amazing Sitges experiance. <br /><br />Today was also the birth of one of my best friends second child. Joe Samuel Gately! I have got to get over to Hemel to meet baby Joe and I also got to get over to see my neice and nephews. If I mamage to get that done this week I will go on holiday next days off. This month is all about spending every last penny I have on holidays.....<br /><br />JANICE LOVES HOLIDAYS - ALWAYS HAVE, ALWAYS WILL!Mothafuckin Prinesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12086490697840303647noreply@blogger.com0