I Wish I Lived By the Sea

I wish I Lived By the Sea, there is something calming yet frightening about the sea. It scares me that it is such a big open space that we know so little about. Yet at the same time, it is one of the most peaceful, beautiful things to watch. Even when there's a storm, there's something so majestic about the waves and the sounds it makes. This time last year I was with Alex and practically living in Whitstable. I was planning to move there on a permanant basis and leave easyjet and my whole life behind. I loved Alex and I loved Whitstable. I fell in love with Alex immediatly and I also fell in love with Whitstable. I no longer love Alex but I still love Whitstable.
Whitstable is a seaside town in northeast Kent, southeast England. Known as the "Pearl of Kent", Whitstable is famous for its oysters. My favorite fish and chips is in Kent and my favorite restuarant is also in Whitstable...Wheelers Oyster Bar! Im not a fan of oysters but it makes the most amazing seafood that you will ever taste! It's an intimate place, infact its like eating in someones front room - there isnt even a toilet! You have to book weeks, sometimes months ahead and you take your own wine but its truely the most amazing food that you will ever eat...I would recommend this place in a heartbeat!

I have had the most amazing year and I dont miss Alex in the slightest but I do miss Whistable. Its a beautiful place and I really hope I get to go back at some point either to live or visit. I wouldn't go now because i wouldnt want to run into Alex. I still hold alot of bitterness towards him. I only truely hate two people and he is one of them. Hate is such a powerful and negative emotion so i don't think or dwell on that person but he has damaged me slightly as a person and there are some scars that will never go away. I will never understand how someone that apparently loved you can be so vicious and hurtful. Also, I will never understand how bad people never see themselves as bad? They justify and excuse there behaviour.... no matter how nasty and vile they are. There is aways a reason and there is always someone else to blame.
I used to think I was a good judge of character. I am very intuitive and read between the lines. Im starting to realise that I need to be more cautious. My mum never liked him and my mum is normally spot on - I just wished she had told me sooner!
I went to my best friends wedding and met a guy there (he met me I don’t really remember him) but he told our mates that he really liked me and after two years of match making, a few facebook messages and encouragement from my friends I agreed to go on a date with him. Before the date I had already decided that I didn’t want to be with him and was not interested and tried to cancel the date. He arrived to pick me up and I was quite rude to him (trying to put him off) but when this didn’t work we went out.... and I had an amazing night. Alex was so easy to get on with and the perfect company. It wast snowing and I suppose I fell for him straight away. The following day we got up and went to stay at his at the seaside. I just felt comftable with him, he seemed to understand me and I fancied him alot. He has the same sense of humour and made me laugh. I was completly infactuated with him. I just loved being in his company....drinking, laughing and being silly. We seemed to have the same outlook and same hopes and aims for the future.
Then it stared to go wrong. I’m not going to write all the things that went wrong as thats not fair on him but whenever things went wrong there was always a reason and he would beg me not to finish it as things were going to get better. It was either his job, his parents his lack of job. I slhould have finished it a long time ago but I was completly in love no matter how bad it was it was worth it for the good times and always looked to the future. He asked me to move to his, give up my job and one day have kids...this was never my plan but I honestly believed he was the one and agreed.
He then lost his job and things became even more strained. He seemed to become more volatile, moody and depressed. He wasn’t treating me well and we seemed to be snapping at each other alot. He was starting to make me feel VERY bad about myself and I started to resent him. I tried to discuss this with him but everytime he would say that things would get better and that we normally get on so well and its just the other things that are going on in his life. We finally split up and I felt like a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I cried for an hour and suddenly relaised that I was happier and it was for the best. I still cared deeply for him - i still thought he was my soul mate but not in a romantic way - I hoped we would stay friends. Then things went really wrong and the time when I need him nost as a friend he turned on me... I dont think I will ever forgive him for how badly he treated me! There was never a row or a fall out. Its so sad that a relationship can turn so sour. My mum had to phone him and tell him to leave me alone at one point because she could see I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown...she even lied to him for me. My mum is a great woman and I could see how much it broke her heart seeing how badly he treated me. I wouldnt treat my worst enemy the way he treated me. Of course he will never see that and will have justified his actions to himself a million times - I dont know how he sleeps at night. Shame on him and shame on his family and friends for letting him act like such a prick! The reality is this; He is commitment phobic, he wants what he can’t have, he tells people what they want to hear. I didn’t want him to start with so he set out to make me like him. He was charming and said all the things that I would wanted to hear...Basically the guy I feel in love with wasn't Alex, its the person that he thought I wanted! He wanted what he couldn’t have and prove that he could get it… well he did it! Do I regret being with him? No, because we did have some fantastic times. I spent a great year in Manchester and Whitstable. We had some great trips away and I even caught my first carp!

This blog has turned into a blog about Alex rather than a blog about the seaside so I will end it now... The one thing that i am sure about is this - Its not me, its HIM!

Nothing Brings Clarity Like A Little Conflict.

In Sitges I met some amazing people including the love Zavvi (Xavier). 20 year old gay Canadian from Montreal. We kept in touch and decided to meet up for his last two days in Europe.

We decided to head to Nice to sun worship and relax before Zavvi's long flight home and before I head back to work. Nice is absolutly stunning with its rich blue-green sea and famous Promenade des Anglais.
We needed something cheap and central (virtually impossible in Nice) so I booked the hotel Paradis. The hotel was in the centre next door to Louis Vuitton and the Promenade des Anglais and the sea are 80 meters away. It worked out €40 a night each so I wasnt expecting much but it was perfect. Dont get me wrong, its not a luxuary hotel but it was clean and the staff were helpful and friendly. The location was ideal for walking to the beach and Promenade des Anglais - there were some pretty shocking reviews online but it was ideal for me and I would definitly recommend it (if you want a good budget hotel for sleep, shower and central location).

The night before I decided to stay awake as I didnt want to oversleep and miss my flight. I spent the night updating my ipod (every holiday should have soundtrack and my soundtrack for my Nice adventure included lots of cool french music including Air, Mc Solaar and Nouvelle Vague) I then fell asleep an hour before I was due to get up, Typical! Luckily Andy and Lauren woke me up and I had a mad dash to the airport! Zavvi had his phone stolen in Spain so all our communication and arrangements had been done via facebook - I really didnt realise how much we rely on mobile phones. I was late, he was late so I didnt meet up with him until we boarded the plane. My plan was to sleep on the plane but this plan didnt work out. Instead I chatted to the cabin crew and drank vodka (it is acceptable to drink vodka at 7am when you are off on your holidays). I was a little tipsy when I got off the plane (again this is acceptable as I am on my holidays). Zavvie is from Montreal so his first langauge is French so I kind of left it to him to ask all the questions. The journy into Nice is pretty easy. Take the 98 bus from outside the termainal and that takes you along the prominade to central nice and its €4 (bargain). Our hotel was easy to find (made even easier as Zavvi did all the talking) we dumped our stuff and headed to the beach :)
Neither of us had slept so we decided to find a nice part and pay for sun loungers so we could sleep. The weather was stunning, the sea has unmistakable deep blue colour. Its not a sandy beach and the pebbles can be pretty hard on your feet but its fine once your in the sea.
We spent quite a few hours on comfy sun beds, reading, sleeping, listening to music, listening to the sea and generally doing not much at all. This beach provided large fluffy towels, also there were changing rooms and showers and a restaurant serving good food.
We stayed on the beach all day then headed back to the room for shower and change of clothes then headed to the old town for dinner.
We sat outside in the rain (it rained all evening but was still warm) and chatted about our familys, our friends, holidays, travels and education. I had Salad to start, red snapper for main, lots of french bread and a cold beer (perfect). We then headed to a bar near the hotel for coctails. We went back to the hotel and slept til it was time to check out then back to the beach for Zavvis last few hours before heading back to Canada.
We decided to go back to the private beach as the beds were soooooo comfy. They are pretty expensive but worth every euro (€16) and it also meant that Zavvi could shower and change before catching his flight. We had a lovely breakfast on the beach..my breakfast was amazing! Freash orange juice, a quater of fresh pineapple, freshly cooked croissants, french bread, jam and butter - will definitly go back!
Zavvi left at 2 and I stayed on the beach til 6pm. It was nice to relax and sleep and gave me some "Janice time". I got halfway through my new Paulo Cohello book and left it either at the airport or on the beach - very annoying!!
I then took the tourist train (I felt like a complet twat on the train but I needed to kill an hour). I then got the bus back to the airport and came home.

I had a great time and will definitly go back this summer, even if its just for the day. I am home feeling alot more relaxed with a clearer mind and a sun tan (bonus). I had a good chat with Daniel on the phone(my friend in Singapore) and have decided to try and visit him and his faily over Christmas. Ive been letting alot of people and situations get me down lately. Sometimes we all need conflict as nothing brings clarity like a little conflict.... as long as we dont become bitter! I have alot of inspiring people in my life and have alot of truely amazing friends. Am I happy? Im certainly content... but there are definilty things that I want. A trip to Corfu has been added to my list of wants for 2009 and a return trip to Sitges... I am a holiday junkie!

My name is Janice and I am addicted to holidays :)

Garden Party at the Tebworth Piory

After Fridays "drink the bar dry" 7th bday at Flame everyone was feeling a little bit tender but we had all accepted the invitation to Pauls birthday party (Paul is Sam Hannahs husband). Sam and Paul live in Tebworth and have posssibly the most stunning house and garden that you will ever see. Thier house has amazing character and thier garden has a hot tub and outside bar. They had live music and employed staff to work the bar. We all brought a bottle to replenish the bar and they made up various cocktails and punch. There house is known as the Tebworth Priory due to its calming effects.

The plan was to stay for a couple of hours before heading to the cimema as no-one could handle another night of drinking.... this was a good idea in theory but everyone got carried away with coctail hour.

Sam and Paul never got a chance to have thier "first dance" at thier wedding due to the fact that Sam was really ill on her wedding night so it was a great opportunity to get Sam in her wedding dress and finally have the first dance... it was a beautiful moment and thier were alot of tears - Sam looked absolutly stunning!

I got woken up with a text from Andy saying that he had cooked breakfast for us so I headed to number 10 for a full english to help with this weekends hangover. It doesnt help that I have a horrid cold that I cant seem to kick. I was meant to be heading to Nice today but it has been postponded til tomorrow (5 hours time). Im not even a little bit tired and worried that im going to oversleep so I might stay up and sleep on the beach.

I have nightstopped in nice but not spent anytime there. Accomodation has proved alot more expensive than I thought it would be and tyipcal Janice has left it to the last min to organise. I have just booked a hostel (because I cant afford a hotel) but it looks fine.

http://www.paradishotel.com/

Its cheap and great location. The Promenade des Anglais and the sea are 80 meters away. I just need a couple of days to relax, read and get some sun.

My Gay World

I finished my week on Thursday and went to Steve Monohans with the lovely Sarah Ford for catch up and vodka. This resulted in me getting home late and drinking and chatting with Mr Vernon til 5am... my hangover on Friday was severe! I didnt think I would make it out Friday but I promised all my friends that we would have a big night out. It was actually one of the wotrst hangovers EVER! It caught me by surprise because it wasn't the drunkest I've ever been but it was one of the only time I've thrown up due to a hangover. My hangovers are getting worde as I get older!

I am a straight female that lives in a very gay world. I love the clubs because they are so vibrant and so fun. My local club is Flame and this weekend is Flames 7th birthday! I've been going to Flame for a few years and the staff, management and locals have become good friends of mine.
Its my weekend off and easyjets finest decided to head to Flame for £20 drink the bar dry.
We had pre drinks at mine then headed to Flame at 11. You pay £20 for a VIP Wristband and receive Free Drinks between 9pm and 3:30am. There was a great crowd of people out and everyone had a fantastic time!

Flame was originaly opened in June 2002 and has now moved to a new larger venue. Its definitly my local and my favorite place to dance in Luton. The management and staff treat me well and always make me feel welcome.

To be honest my taste in music is totally diffrent to what I dance to in Flame. Flame is reliably cheesy and thats exactly what I want on a night out. Camp pop is something i'd be to embarassed to play in my bedroom (even with noone else there) but in a gay club it fits in and you can just let go and fool around..I love that!

Summer is definitly here and we have all been working hard so it was nice to have so many of my friends out. I had a few cheeky vodkas, let my hair down and danced till I couldnt dance anymore! Man, did my feet hurt by the end of the night! I left Flame at 4ish and headed back to Wenslydale and sat up with Jonny, Harry and Andy til 6ish smoking and talking random drunken rubbish.

I wouldnt say that I felt amazing this morning but it wasnt the worst I've ever felt...maybe yesterdays hangover was a one off and Im not old afterall!

Another day and another hangover...

3:33

This is a random post but its about something that has been bugging me for years. I can't sleep so I have googled it and amazed to find out that its VERY common...and I am not weird :)

Does the time 3:33 have any meaning?

I often wake or notice the time at exactly 3:33am. My friends often mock me for this but its something that as always freaked me out... is there a meaning for it?

It happend to me again this evening so I decided to google it and these are the answers that I have found...

3:33 or 333 means the Ascended Masters are with you [or Jesus is with you].

Because you are suffering from some sort of anxiety.You are only remembering easily remembered numbers.If the clock said 0224 you would not take it in and you will forget you ever saw it.But if the clock then said 3.33 It would hit your memory button you would then be making patterns of thought (logical but I don't believe this).

it is said that 3 am is a bewitching hour and some religious practices believe that @ 3:33 am is when the devil or some great evil is said to have access to the earthly realm and can posses a person of choice

3:33 is the origanal time for the invisible vail to disapear and the spirits come to sight.. 3:33am

If you wake up at 3:33 pm, this is a good thing, this represents the Holy Trinity, if it's 3:33 am, that's bad, that's the bewitching hour, it's supposed to be the way the devil mocks the Holy Trinity, which presents it self during the day, so the devil comes out during the night

That's the first sign of incurable mental illness...The second is asking about it. (this isnt fact this answer was by some fuckwit thinking they are funny.....or is it??)

So you see 1111, 111, 11:11, 12:12, or 4:44 all over the place? Too often to be mere coincidence? Well, you are not alone anymore. We think there are now over 1 million folks seeing these prompts today. These prompts are caused by a group of fun-loving angels. What George Barnard originally called the Mille-Cent-et-Onze. In fact George first saw the 11 past 11 time signals well before the invention of the digital clock. But it's much easier to spot these digital prompts these days.

"333 - The Ascended Masters are near you, desiring you to know that you have their help, love, and companionship. Call upon the Ascended Masters often, especially when you see the number 3 patterns around you. Some of the more famous Ascended Masters include: Jesus, Moses, Mary, Quan Yin, and Yogananda. The 333 sign also shows that the Ascended Masters agree with your thoughts and feelings and could be interpreted as a Cosmic 'Yes!' to questions you have asked or ideas you may have"

I think the last one is my favorite answer and thats the one that I choose to believe! By writing this Im leaving myself wide open to ridicule...but it wont be the first time! For those of you that know me, you know its something thats bugged me for years...now I have an answer (and I hope the incurable mental illness was indead a joke!).

Kids and the City

After my trip to sitges I was on a serious holiday comedown. The last thing I wanted to do was go back to work. Summer is officially here and I had a really long and busy week at work. Minimum rest, a trip to Gatwick and lots of 4 sector days. On the plus side I should get a good wage for August and I ran out of hours by day 6 so I got an extra day off...result!
I did manage a night out last Sunday and headed to Flame and Kink and had a good catch up with the boys and girls. I felt like I hadnt seen anyone for ages so it was good to let my hair down for the night. I was going to head to europe for my days off but due to major roster disrubtion and a trip to the sofitel Gatwick I didnt get to see my nephew and niece to give them thier bday presents... I had some making up to do!

I spent my days off in Hemel at Farrahs and Thursday we took the kids to London for the day.

We decided to go to the London Aquarium. I became childlishly excited by the huge rays, sharks and turtles...and nemo! Joseph LOVES nemo, Janice LOVES nemo and Tia LOVES nemo! After a long, long search, I finally found him: NEMO!!!!! And Dory too!!! The trip was a sucsess WE FOUND NEMO! It appears that Nemo has been getting jiggy with a lady clown fish because there were ALOT of baby clownfish.

We then decided to double hit the London attractions and go on the London Eye. Ive been on the eye before but it was good for the kids. They were immediatly attracted to the huge ferris wheel and its one of those things that you have to do in London..Paris has the Eiffel Tower - we have the London eye. The views are amazing and I didnt realise Farrah had never been on. The London eye with kids is not the easiest thing in the world. Pros - Secure and free buggy storage Cons - Can't leave changing bag with buggy – must take all bags (lots of bags + two 3 year olds was not the easiest). It was also mega hot. Not just a little bit hot.. I actually thought I was going to pass out! Once off the Millenium wheel we walked along the southbank to Udderbelly. We sat in the alfresco bar next to the London Eye with giant jenga and connect 4. There where space hoppers and BigChill style music on an astroturfed pasture next to the Udderbelly arts venue in the shape of an upside down purple cow...random but nice. The sun was shinning and the Sol and lime tasted good! We then walked over the bridge, through Charing cross station and up to Picadilly. I promised the kids ice cream so we headed to the all new Planet Hollywood in Haymarket for Burgers and Ice cream sundaes. Farrah and I then went to HMV to buy a scary movie to watch that evening then taxi back to Euston to get the train home. The next day was mainly spent on the trampoline with Joseph before heading back to the ghetto. On the way home I recieved a text saying that everyone was in the beer garden... Janice, Lee, Alex, Jez, Sarah, Harry, Andrew, Andy, Michael and Adam...one of me, 9 of them - I make that pimms o clock! It was the best way to end days off before getting up this morning for the early Palma.

We Love Sitges

Sitges is a small city about 35k from Barcelona and is known for its beautiful beaches, its nice weather and its night life—especially famous its gay life. This was my fourth trip in four years and I fall in love with the place more and more each time I go. This year I went out with Jonny and Lauren came out a couple of days later. We stayed for 5 nights and during that time we met some of the most amazing people that I have ever met. There is nowhere else anything like Sitges. Sitges is an amazing place, a place where everyone is made welcome, whatever their age, race or sexual orientation. Families love it, the gay community love it, everyone loves it because everyone gets along with everyone else, and Sitges has something for everyone.

I love going to gay clubs, always have, always will and Sitges is perfect for me! It has some of the most beautiful beaches in Europe and is one of the most beautiful towns with it's many narrow, very typically Spanish streets and a nightlife that compares with a town 10 times it's size. This holiday had everything and I have made some beautiful, facinating amazing friends. I have finally accepted that I am indeed a "fag hag" and that being a Fag Hag is nothing to be ashamed of. It is a way of life. When I first was labeled "Fag Hag" I hated it. But it is nothing to be ashamed of. I am proud to be a Fag Hag! I dont have a deep and retarded desire to fuck fags nor do I seek out gay men. I dont hate women and I am not bitter when it comes to straight men... I just have alot of gay friends and love the gay scene. Im just a girl who loves-men-who-love-men. I didnt set out to become a fag hag...it just kinda happened. There are so many reasons that gay men are the best people to surround yourself with. They will give you fashion advice, they are generally witty, he won't get drunk and attempt to molest you (its really tough to have a platonic straight friend!) Gay men are a beacon for hot buff men. Sitges gay beach is full of well-maintained torsos FACT! I am an indie girl at heart but when I go out I want to dance to disco and have fun with my friends! Is that so wrong?

On my holiday I met the most amazing and random selection of people including; Matthew and Gareth the actors, Andrew who works on the High School Musical production team, Sebastian (Seb) who is currently working in Bar Seven but has been travelling through europe. His friends Rob, Lol (from cornwall) and Adam (NZ) who he met in Amsterdam. There was Nick and Lois who worked in Harrods. There was Robbie from Sussex. The lovely canadian boys JP, Xhavier, Patrick (Paddy) and the lovely girl from Kansas - Kaci! There were the Dutch guys that I met 4 years ago and the guys from the house on commons...everyone I met was amazing!

Bar 7 was definitly the bar of the holiday. Most nights we started of in the centre at Parrots bar for cocktails and vodka redbull before meeting up with everyone in Bar 7. Seb is working in bar 7 and it has the most friendly bar staff in the whole of Sitges. They give everyone a warm welcome and make everyone feel at home! It gets busier than where else and its shame that the party has to stop at 3am! Clubbing in Sitges doesnt kick off til 3 and you basically have the choice of Trailer or Organics (We wasnt there for the weekly beach party). We had free passes for the clubs but the drinks are pretty expensive. If Im honest neither club set my soul alight but I like to party and 3am is far to ealy to head home so Trailer and Organic it is - This year I had my better nights in Trailer! The beauty of Sitges clubs is Whatever u want..its sitges..flipflops or high heels...No bare foot dancing for Janice! Marc Jacobs dress teamed with Haviana's - Cos I can!

I got pretty sunburnt on day one of my holiday - Factor 4 - School boy error and man was I in pain! Sunburn on my face, sholders, back, legs, arms...so not a good look and resulted in Janice having to spend the rest of her holiday in dresses and factor 40! Day 3 of the holiday was possibly the best and most memorable. I was in a bad way with my sun burn so didnt head to the beach till aftternoon. Lauren had just arrived and everyone was in a ggod mood. There was alot of beer consumed and everyone was generally laughing and having fun on the gay beach. The first thing I saw was someone shouting "FLINCHER" and Jonny and Lol running into the sea and splashing the poor unsuspecting queens standing thigh deep in the sea! This went on most of the afternoon and each person that got attacked resulted in huge round of applause from the rest of the beach....priceless and hillarious! There was the human prymaid and alot of beer drunk! A few of the people were staying in Barcelona so invited everyone back to ours to get showered before heading out! We went for a terrible dinner (Sports Bar is not recommended!). Then we went back to the beach for beers. We were sat on the stairs and looked as if we was waiting for a show to start... we decided it would be a good idea to put on our talent show...Sitges has Talent! Each person had to get up and show off there special talent. Come 1 o'clock we headed to bar 7 to meet the lovely Seb then headed to Organic! I think we left Organic about 5ish and decided to head to the beach to get naked and go skinny dipping... This seemed like a great idea but the sea was pretty cold at 5am and would have been a better idea at 6am when the sun came up. We stayed in for 5 or 10 mins but changed our minds pretty quickly. We then went back to our hotel room for beer and drunken chatting. The hotel staff got pretty pissed off with us and kept knocking asking how many people we had in the room... we had 8 or 9 but quite frankly that wasnt the point! When Matthew left the guy followed him down the street and started argueing with him... he also had a go at Jonny. You could call this guy a jobsworth but I would probally discribe him as a Cunt! - The next day we moved to the hotel next door.

Im now home, I have a couple of chapters left of my holiday book and Im back to work at 6am. I have major holiday comedown and havent spoken to anyone today. I really didnt want this holiday to end. Im glad we spent the money to go away. I will spend my money one way or another and quite frankly memories are priceless! I have met some amazing people and yet again I have had another amazing Sitges experiance.

Today was also the birth of one of my best friends second child. Joe Samuel Gately! I have got to get over to Hemel to meet baby Joe and I also got to get over to see my neice and nephews. If I mamage to get that done this week I will go on holiday next days off. This month is all about spending every last penny I have on holidays.....

JANICE LOVES HOLIDAYS - ALWAYS HAVE, ALWAYS WILL!